Miscarriage support

Rups32

oh dear,... i just cant avoid it.. how are you all dealing with it please? yesterday at work, i had a review with my manager and it went well thankfully and after we were done with it, she told me she was pregnant! i was happy for her genuinely..and now today my friend from school told me she was pregnant and he rbaby is due the SAME day as mine would have been due!! why is life doing this to me right now? i feel so !!!! now.. sorry for swearing.

Kitten_Pie

Big hugs Rups, I don't know how others handle it but personally i don't. I barely leave the house, haven't returned to work and avoid any friends who may possibly announce. I am not a healthy example. Still consider it a good day if I get out of bed, washed and dressed. have done all three today. (As long as you don't count the fact that I have worn the same clothes all week )

It just seems like the world is against us all. The only way I get by is focusing on what I do have, as much as I want to scream that things couldn't get worse I know the world has a way of showing me that it can and that petrifies me.:(

Sorry haven't helped at all have I.

Rups32

no kitten iunderstand. everyone has their own way of dealing with it. i was like that for the first few weeks. once when i just woke up, i just cried and cried. i have now given msyelf a headache as i cried so hard at home now. luckily am at home otherwise would have cried at work!
i have sent a few messages to the hubby who is at his parent's house at the mo, and i feel bad as i have gone on about life being cruel and why did god take my baby away? i am not dealing with it well today. just feel like sitting and crying but think i have exhausted that plus my stupid head hurts. hugs to you too. its so hard, and i dont know how people have done it or do it???

all i keep thinking about is when i found out i was pregnant, i was so happy and then before i knew it my belly is empty and EVERYONE around me, people i know, strangers are pregnant!!! now my friend telling me this just got to me. i didnt say anythng to her about me, but said congrats to her. i dont think screaming at her will help? its no ones fault but yet its been thrown in my face, and of course everyone on here.. good grief!!! just want to hide today.. think i might just do that!!cant be asked to work now.:( thanks for listening. xxx i hope you find you can go out soon.. i had to force myself to be honest and being at work def helps as people are lovely there.. it might help you too?

Kitten_Pie

Unfortunately my office has closed so I would be working from home alone anyway and my head isn't clear enough for it. It was a very mentally demanding job.

I read this somewhere which really hit a nerve because it was so accurate. I hope you don't mind me sharing it but I have no one else who would understand.

When You Lose a Baby………………………….
You don’t know what to expect.
People surround you. For a couple of weeks. Making sure you are not going to kill yourself, refuse to get out of bed, or start rocking a baby doll like the crazy lady they heard about from a friend.
You get lots of sympathy cards, clearly written and designed to be sent to console a daughter losing her father. Not the other way around.
You get free baby formula in the mail. For months and months and months.
And free baby magazines. And free baby coupons.
You secretly envy every pregnant woman. But not without a tinge of guilt, because you know all too well that she might be one in four- expecting her rainbow child.
It seems like the whole world is expecting a baby.
You have baby stuff around your home. Because you never imagined you wouldn’t need it.
You feel jarred. In the grocery store. At a birthday party. At the dinner table. At Christmas. Driving.
The baby you never knew, but lost changes every part of your life. Every. single. part.
Forever.
You see baby clothes and it brings tears to your eyes.
You get sick and tired of crying. You never knew it was possible to cry this much.
You find yourself angry at God. Angry at yourself. Just angry.
You swear you can feel them kick but they’re gone. They call them phantom kicks. I call them painful, all kinds of painful. But sweet too.
You know, or you have a strong feeling of knowing what your child would have looked like, and been like. You see a child in the store, or on the street. Their hair colour, dimples, smile, their personality and suddenly you are reminded of your child. You miss your child even more, if that’s even possible.
Your Babies R’ Us Registry is still active. There is no delete button on their site. The babies r’ us people don’t make a dime on people like us. Why bother right? You have to call them, plead with them to remove your freaking’ registry, because there will be no baby shower. There is an awkward silence. There is sadness. There will be no baby.
You find that moment of happiness in life for the first time, but the guilt swallows it up almost immediately.
You remember the size of the casket. The size of the plot. The face of the funeral director. The expression of those that attended the funeral. The feeling of raw pain, like your chest has literally been ripped open.
Somehow you convince yourself that you deserve happiness. Because you really do. But in the happiest, purest moment, there is still that hole that only they were meant to fill.
People compare your pain to their own pain. The loss of their grandmother, husband, their failed marriage, rebellious teenagers. Somehow this comparing leaves you stranded. If they can compare their pain of a situation to the loss of your BABY, they will likely never get it. Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.
You lost a dream. And it almost feels like you imagined their entire existence up. Their name becomes a distant memory on the lips of others.
There is awkwardness when you talk about your child in a crowd. No one knows whether to cry, walk away or pretend you never brought him or her up.
You lose friends. You find new ones.
You can’t believe that women have actually survived this and you never knew about it. Not really, anyway.
You would do anything for another minute with your child.
You cry when others bring up your child, not so much because it hurts but more so because it such a precious and rare gift.
You long for the rewind button, even after many many instances of acceptance.
You want to know what went wrong, and why…
You find a new appreciation for moments in life that make you laugh… you laugh harder and love stronger.
You know that you can die bitter, or die thankful. There is no in between.
You never ever, EVER get over your child. The one you hoped for, prayed for, carried and loved for the weeks and months they were with you.
You learn to live with the pain.
You are better for having known them at all. xx

Rups32

That was so well written, to the point and so sad. it brought tears to my eyes.. really did. what gets to me is when people tell me it wasnt meant to happen, happens for a reason. now i just stop them as they start that.. it annoys me greatly.. its so sad that these things DO happen. why cant all pregnancies just happen naturally? today i have those why questions in my head. thanks for sharing that with me and us here. it was lovely. hugs. xx where do u like if u dont mind me asking?

Kitten_Pie

I found it on my TAMBA bereavement board. I read but don't post there although my OH does.

TeamLowe

that's so beautiful Kitten_Pie
although my heart does go in my mouth everytime i see your name posted last here lol

Rups, i have a two prong strategy of coping. atm it seems pregnancy announcements on facebook are pretty much a weekly occurence lol

1) acknowledging the jealousy and not trying to hide from it. yes it's a negative emotion and can lead you down a bitter path but the root of it is simple- they have what i want. thinking that, even saying it out loud stops the jealously taking over and and the 'she doesn't deserve it' thoughts coming through because i know exactly where they come from- they have what i want.

2) her baby is not my baby. i want my baby. i don't want anybody elses family, i want mine. so they got their turn first, so what? mine will come one day.

...these thoughts might not make sense to anyone else, but they help me through x x

Kitten_Pie

TeamLowe wrote: »

that's so beautiful Kitten_Pie
although my heart does go in my mouth everytime i see your name posted last here lol

I know what you mean, I have the same response when certain people post

Rups32

Thanks team.. yes i agree with that and weirdly my hubby uses reason2 a lot and ithink i tend to fall in thebitterness point at the mo. i mean like i said, good for everyone. it just reminds me of what i could be having too and dont have, today i actually questioned god.. but i know i wont get an answer as its done. i will focus on having m family soon.. got to get the hubby busy. thanks for listneing on here. kitten pie that was lovely.

jules68

Back here again!!! Just had mc no 4. Not sure how I am feeling at mo. Did not build my hopes up so suppose not as upset as I could have been. Had scan and they could see a sac but nothing in it. They said it was 5 weeks, but i should have been 7. Not sure what bleeding to expect as hospital did not say anything really. At the moment its just like a period so not sure how long or how bad it will be. Its just so sad that this keeps happening. They wont investigate as they say its prob my age.