Miscarriage support

Rups32

got really upset last night! :-( i know i should be happy for people, but i keep seeing scan pictures everywhere on facebook and then yesterday my cousin texted me to say that they are expecting and the baby is due in August which is when mine would have been. cant shake that yuck feeling yet..:( i should really start my positive thinking.

portsmouthali

I know Rups :mad: I was watching the Simpsons earlier with my son, and during the ad break there was a Pampers advert which showed a scan. Also, the lady at work who had a baby due the same time as mine would have been had I not miscarried in August, had her baby yesterday and the pictures are all over facebook. It's like a knife through my heart :(:(

I hate days where I feel like this, but I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. Sending lots of hugs xxxxxxxx

msb5262

Hello again ladies,
That feeling of horrible jealousy and sadness is vile - a friend of mine had a baby just when I should have had the one I lost, and I still don't feel the same about that particular parent and child as I would have done if the circumstances had been different. It was partly that the mother wasn't at all sensitive to my feelings. Anyway maybe the worst thing was that I felt really really guilty to resent other people's pregnancies, and feeling guilty made me feel even worse...a vicious circle indeed.
I'm sorry some people aren't feeling so good but glad Cozza's appointment has come through. Sa-ra-ra, very sorry for your loss. If you haven't contacted the Miscarriage Association, please think about doing that - my friend who had 2 mcs in quick succession aged 40 said they were brilliant and put her in touch with someone who offered her great support.
Best wishes to all
MsB

Rups32

thanks for the lovely support ladies...

still feeling yuck about stuff and to make matters worse, there is this girl that hubby also insists on meeting for a drink on his own and i feel so jealous! to add to the baby loss thing, i am feeling fat and ugly and whenever he mentions her name or the fact he wants to meet her, i feel like killing both of them. i know i shouldnt as shes 'just' a friend, or so he says, but whenever she has tried saying she would like to meet us, he insists in seeing her alone first!! he is so good at listening to other people's problems but his own wife's he finds a burden! so just feel grumpy and a jealous cow!

to make it even more worse, the lady at work is pregnant with twins and i can see her belly and as much as its not her fault, i dont want to be here. everyone is pregnant now...:( thanks ali, and msb, but just feel horrible.. i know the jealousy def wont help me and hubby either, as it has driven us apart before! !grrr . how do i deal with all that? help please?

Kitten_Pie

Hi Rups,

I understand where you are coming from. I am fine with pregnant women however whenever I find out there are twins I feel like I am being punched and get set back again.

With regard to jealousy, I do feel jealous of some of OH female friends who he sees on his own, however he knows I am jealous so tells me all the details when he gets back and invites me along although I don't go. I think it is just keeping the lines of communication open and trying to be honest with each other especially at this stage. We are in counselling which I find helps keep us on the same page.

Rups32

thanks for that kitten. i understand that we should have separate friends, so he has his space and i have mine, but he doesnt even tell me what he talks about with her, and even though rarely, he will invite me, which is why i start feeling so weird. he isnot of the type to mix me with all his friends all the time so i understand he is built that way, but with this girl, he gets so weird. i have asked him if he likes her in that way and he says he doesnt and he jusy enjoys chatting to her and apparently she tells him her problems and she is seeing a counsellor. he wont tell me more and i feel he really is secretive. he says the way i am jealous is why he holds back. one thing he doesnt realise being a married man is (and i have different views about that and that could be due to my indian upbringing) that if he wants to see her, then fine, but staying out till like 12 or 1 is not on, and he doesnt see that! thicko!!! it drives me mad. she is a nice girl and she has tried to involve me but its him!! he makes me so angry!doesnt help with the MC too, as he seems to have forgotten about it!

Kitten_Pie

We have been there and it took a while for us to get to the point where my jealousy was under control however it took more work from him. There is one specific friend of his which I have always been jealous of, I think it is because they have more in common than we have and just get on really well. So when he goes out with her I know about it in advance, get a couple of texts and if I call he answers immediately. He also tells me all about it when he comes home - not necessarily in detail especially if it is something confidential on her side but it helps. I know when he is due home / when he is running late etc.

It sounds quite a lot but it's only communicating and it means he can see her as much as he likes without worrying about how I will react.

Have you thought about counselling? We made a concious decision to try everything that was offered to ensure our relationship didn't break. We are still going every two weeks and will do for the foreseeable future.
I still don't know if it is helping but it is definitely not not helping and ensures that we both know what the other is thinking.

Rups32

i would do it but dont think he sees the point of it. i think i will mention it to him though as he feels its entirely my fault for being jealous but he also has to work at it.:( he never tells me when he will be home. he does now with his male friends who he has seen and he will text, but the last time he was out with her, he came home late and didnt even tell me when he was leaving so i was in bed, but clearly not asleep. he saw her for a chat and dinner, which is fine, but even we dont do dinners and chats like he does with her, and then he wonders why i get annoyed? he gets way too angry chatting about it when i bring it up as i want to chat about stuff but he loses his temper and says if i dont work at it, then it will be very difficult for us. i dont see it just me working but since he knows, i get jealous, how about he tries too right? i have tried explaining and also sent him notes etc.. i might suggest the counselling together, but he might kill me for it. lol

Kitten_Pie

My OH has never been keen on counselling either had I but we knew that the chances of couples splitting after a loss is high and we lost two so wanted to make sure we were as strong as possible.

Could you mention it like that, so you are not putting any blame onto him but want to ensure that you have tried everything. Not everyone gets on with it so don't put too much pressure on but maybe just try one session, there are specialists who deal with loss or you could try relate which are relationship specialists.

Rups32

yes will do.. need to find him in a calm mood as nowdays he is so irritable and i didnt make it better last night when he mentioned her name, and he got annoyed seeing my facial expression change! damn me! lol. i need to talk to him as have been to counselling on my own but i feel in this case, he needs to work on things too and not just me. i wish i was as confident as him. i have so many body insecurities, i am constantly worried he will go off me!!! :-(