Miscarriage support

Adorabelle_2

Rups, don't worry about not knowing her name. If you write to the hospital complaints department just give as many details as possible, date, time, place etc. They should then contact you requesting you sign a consent form to progess the complaint and they will therefore be able to access your personal health data and get her name from there.

If you were to ever see her again for another scan you probably would recognise her. The one who did mine also did the 12 week and 20 week scan for my little girl :@ and I recognised her straight away, almost 2 years after the first time. The 20 week scan was funny though as she was getting annoyed as my little girl would not cooperate. She said to us at the end 'I don't like it when babies beat me' and I secretly did a whoop of triumph that my little baby had beaten the b!tch sonographer! Sad of me I know but it made me feel a bit better :P

I'm glad you are slowly feeling a bit better, it will take time but remember it is normal to feel angry, upset etc so make sure you let these feelings out when you need to. I hope you're AF is not too bad xx

SusanC_2

Rups you don't need names to complain - that detail should be in your medical records. I made a complain after my first miscarriage and I think they went round and spoke to everyone who had been involved - I was quite surprised by how thorough they were. If it's any use to you, I did post my complaint on MSE - next time I'm on the computer I'll see if I can find it and post a link if you like?

Rups32

Thanks adorabelle and Susan. yes please, if you have it handy, i would love to see it. I have forgotten about that but when i think of it, i get annoyed and really want to complain. it was weird that i ended up going to St Thomas's and not my local one at home as i was at work. i checked their website to see the complaints procedure, andthey first advise to 'raise a concern' and speak to someone by phone and then if i am still not happy, to write a letter to the CEO of the ward or something. I was so annoyed even at the way of complaining, and was thinking i dont want to ring them. If i could do it by email i would do that but that option wasnt there, so i thought i better get writing. grrrr

The main consultant, when i had my actual surgery was amazing so they were lovely till i left the same hospital, but it was the lot in the EPU clinic and was the receptionist was such a misrable cow! Then that sonographer. i had two separate ones and one on my first scan was more chatty where she expressed concerns about the baby being too small but the second one just passed the buck! the nurses just walk around chatting and really just picking up notes and putting them down and then go off somewhere for a chat. i am so annoyed. luckily i do have the dates so just havet o sit and compile a looong letter.

sorry it turned to a rant.

todays been a nightmare getting to work, and am exhausted. have been looking to see if can go back to the gym as that may help gain some energy? thanks for your advise ladies.
xxx

colli

Rant away Rups, it's what we're here for. Definitely complain, the act of writing a letter may be cathartic in itself.

As for feeling exhausted, have you had your iron checked (sorry if I've already said this, I was advised to get mine checked as anemia is very common after mc and can leave you shattered so I tell everyone)? I found going back to yoga really good but I had to force myself the first time. I was so glad I'd made the effort once I'd been.

Rups32

thanks colli. ithink that is what i need to do as need to get back to it but finding it hard. i did very little tai chi on sat and felt good after, so might not freeze my membeship after all. i asked a guy who knows at work, and he suggested a swim so i might try that tomorrow and also yoga. thanks for that. i got to go back at some point, so if i dont try, i will get more lazier. that is how i am anyway lol

tonight i will start that letter, after i have sorted my prov license application. groan!!! :0(

Nicki

Sorry Rups but I thought at the time when I read your very first post on the less than 12 week thread, that your first sonographer was a total cowbag and very unprofessional. When you first posted, it was obvious given the date on which you had reported getting your first BFP that you should have been much further along in your pregnancy than the scan indicated. By letting you believe that there was a chance that your dates were wrong, and by either not explaining at all or by making it very confusing how pregnancies are dated, she let things drag on needlessly for 2 weeks for you. I can remember you pulling your hair out trying to square the dates in your own mind because you were trying to hold out a hope that she might have been dating from conception day not LMP. I thought at the time it was incredibly unprofessional of her, and done only because she didn't want to be the one to break the news.

By comparison, when I had my scan in my last pregnancy which I knew to be at 6 weeks, the sonographer told me that she was very sorry but that in her opinion it looked very much to her like I had suffered a miscarriage, but that I was very welcome to come back in another week's time for an extra scan if I would like to do so, so that I could be sure in my own mind that it was a loss and not just too early to see anything. I didn't end up going back, but nor did I spend a week torturing myself that things might be OK when the sonographer had already seen that they weren't.

colli

for my first mc, they wouldn't call a mc even though the pregnancy was measuring 5 weeks and I should have been 9 by my LMP. Despite me telling them that 5 weeks wasn't possible as a) that would mean my BFP came before conception and b) my husband had been working away for a month so I hadn't even had any s e x in that time. As a consequence I left hospital with nothing other than an appointment for another scan in a weeks time. No info on mc, my options from there etc even though I was 100% sure the pregnancy was not viable. I mc before the second scan.

On balance I would prefer them to too slow rather than too quick to call a mc as I guess there are instances when a woman thinks she's sure of her dates but has got it wrong and the consequences of being told you are mc when you aren't are too horrible to think about. But I really resented not being listened too and treated like an idiot, if they're being over cautious why not just say so.

They tried the same this time but I wasn't having any of it and insisted on a second opinion there and then. Bah

Rups32

oh poor you colli. how annoying! that is so bad though. their communication is so bad, and i know that. Now that my glad is still swollen, when i went to the GP, i had to tell him off for not letting the local hospital know as they sent me a scan letter and i got upset. and all the GP could say was sorry!! that was it! Then he said the communication between people is bad, so what are they going to do about it? i swear i was just giving up at the thought of complaining about everyone, but i MUST do it for St Thomas's esp those ladies at the EPU! makes me mad that either a couople is there for good or bad news! The least they can do is keep them informed and also show compassion!

Rups32

Quick question ladies...When you have your ERPC procedure done,when are you expecting your next AF? do you start counting from when the bleeding after the surgery has stopped, or right from the day of the surgery? am confused! I had a second set of spotting-type thing after the main one stoped after surgery so am even more confused now. Was told 4-6 weeks, but from when? Help.

Nephthys

Hi Rups, if i remember i had my op on the 24th of November and next AF started the 28th Dec. I'm not sure when to start counting - i think I counted from day of the surgery but that's probably wrong. To be honest I tried not to think about it as I knew in my case that stress could make it worse. How long is it since you had your surgery?

On the negative downer side, I've just had my second miscarriage. It was fairly early on this time but bit of a shock. Somehow I had thought that if it was going to happen then it would be like the first time (MMC picked up on scan). It didn't. I had a bleed and that was that as they say. I thought I was doing ok but this time seems harder than the first. I know it will get better but I want to get past being unhappy. Sorry for the whingeing - it helps to write it all down and know that I won't upset my DH!