Miscarriage support

SusanC_2

I don't know if this will be any help to you Rups (and anyone else) but one of my friends said that people tend find it hard to know with someone else's hard thing whether to respond in a sympathetic or a "looking on the bright side" kind of way. She said that you can help by giving cues in what you say so for example you could say, "I've just had a miscarriage and I'm absolutely devastated." or "I've just had a miscarriage but at least [insert some positive]." Some people won't pick up on the cues but for a lot of people, it helps them know how a person wants them to respond and therefore reduces the incidence of unintentional but hurtful blunders.

Kitten_Pie

That sounds like a great idea Susan, thank you.

I have been quite open with close family and friends, saying that I want to talk about the boys, and not always in a sad way. I have also informed them that I will cry, sometimes it will be for a while other times for a few seconds and that if I don't want to talk about them I will say but not to use me crying as a reason not to. Not sure how much sense that makes outside my head.

Rups32

hugs everyone.. you all are so sweet. xxx

i was so angry but calmed myself down and when hubby got home, i told him that i found that a cruel joke and he said its not a joke as how are the hospital to know that? I let it go and then thought about it that should the GP who saw me not have sent the hospital some sort of letter/fax? I don't know what era we live in, but to be honest, since I saw the locum GP to tell her i was pregnant, I havent had a good exp with the NHS. Had to wait ages to see the midwife and all she said was to re-book to see another one at my doctor's surgery when i would be 16 weeks. that was it. then why did i see the one i did? i got so confused!! now i am confused to whether the GP i saw after my surgery should have let the hospital know? surely it shouldnt be me right? grrr Croydon NHS lot are stupid!!!

Susan that is a great idea.. i havent seen some friends but now when i do, i will start by saying that and then state something in there. I know people mean well and are sorry for us, and the way they say things just comes out wrong. i didnt mean to be defensive esp as the people i saw are so sweet but i DONT want to hear, its common and it will happen!!! i know i have to move on and get back to normal but in my time. Thats what i said to the gay guy. i said it works for some people, but i need time. he did look so sympathetic though. ok calmness now.

emsbet

Rups I'm sorry you received the letter. When you had your scan at the EPU, they should have updated your records but unfortunately sometimes the message doesn't get through or is too late to stop a letter being generated. That doesn't make it any easier on you though.
I had something similar when I had my last mc. I had a phone call from the "epilepsy nurse" (I had epilepsy as a kid and so they check you over in pregnancy because it can trigger seizures) about a week after I'd had the mc and so I had to explain that we had lost our baby. I was cross but at the same time I felt sorry for the nurse who called me as she had no idea as my records hadn't been updated.

Sending you ((hugs))

xx

Metranil_Vavin

Hugs Rups.

It's farcical really how lame the communication between departments in hospitals can be.

portsmouthali

Rups, I had a similar thing after my 1st loss - I had a call from a very cheerful midwife wanting to arrange my booking-in appointment she was mortified when I told her what happened. Sadly I don't think communication is what it should be in these situations.

Cozza, I had blood tests and an appointment with a consultant gynaecologist after my 3rd loss. My partner also had blood tests (but not as many as me ) They called me in on particular days in my cycle to check my hormone levels, and also took blood to check for clotting disorders. All the tests came back clear. When I got pregnant again, our consultant arranged for blood tests when I was 5 weeks pregnant to check my HCG levels (they were good) and I was also put in high dose folic acid and low dose aspirin, and he also did fortnightly scans which was enormously reassuring. There was a heartbeat at 6 & 8 weeks, but sadly not at 10 weeks :( I will have the same consultant next time I fall pregnant (hopefully not too far off ) and will have the same treatment but next time will also have daily clexane (blood thinning) injections, as my consultant has had some success with this with other women in my situation (1 trouble-free pregnancy followed by unexplained recurrent miscarriage) There is no guarantee of course, but frankly if he told me walking over hot coals might give me a successful pregnancy I'd give it a go:D

I hope that gives you some idea of what you might expect, although I know treatment differs from area to area. I;m so sorry for your losses, it is so unfair when we try to do everything right but it still keeps going wrong

I'm also fine with babies but not so much pregnant women. I was in John Lewis the other day with my son, spending some of his Christmas money in the toy department which is right next to the nursery department. It was (obviously) full of heavily pregnant women choosing all manner of lovely things and when I see stuff like that my heart breaks just a little bit more.

I agree with Susan, I'm not normally a blunt person at all but I find it helps me & other people when I'm honest & upfront about my situation. I don't do it to make people uncomfortable but it certainly does help with the clumsy and unhelpful comments.

Crikey I've rambled on a bit! I'm so pleased to be able to get it all out of my system sometimes thanks ladies, hugs to all of you xxxxx

Rups32

my god portsmouthali... you have been through loads.. well done for trying and trying..its worth it for sure. for the past two days, i have been thinking that i have to change my frame of mind slowly but also soon because i want to try again very soon, so i have to start looking after myself and try and be more positive very quickly. one of my childhood heros is Bruce Lee (hence me and hubby doing the kung fu), and he was a great philosopher. I look up some of his quotes and to keep me going, I choose really motivating ones and that cheers me up! i also post them on facebook. i know i am sad. one i saw on some website and was quoted by a person who had been through a mc was really deep. just these words were so powerful:

"Those who are afraid to fall will never climb."

i was just thinking about the hospital actually...i never had my two emergency scans at my local hospital. as i was near work in London, I went to St Thomas's and when i had to think about what procedure to go through regarding the mc, I went to my local Gp then and then spoke to him about having the EPRC (always get this wrong?) he suggested NOT going to my local Croydon one and said as i had the scans done in London, I might as well go there esp as they are a very good hospital so i did that. Maybe the GP sent a fax/letter or maybe he forgot so maybe thats why stupid croydon sent me a scan date? I will just have to ring them and explain that i cant. *big sigh*

portsmouthali

Rups32 wrote: »

my god portsmouthali... you have been through loads.. well done for trying and trying..its worth it for sure. for the past two days, i have been thinking that i have to change my frame of mind slowly but also soon because i want to try again very soon, so i have to start looking after myself and try and be more positive very quickly. one of my childhood heros is Bruce Lee (hence me and hubby doing the kung fu), and he was a great philosopher. I look up some of his quotes and to keep me going, I choose really motivating ones and that cheers me up! i also post them on facebook. i know i am sad. one i saw on some website and was quoted by a person who had been through a mc was really deep. just these words were so powerful:

"Those who are afraid to fall will never climb."

I love quotes like that After each loss I say "no more" but I always change my mind. I just know that if I didn't try again, one day I'd look back and think "Maybe if I tried just one more time it would have been ok" The only barrier for me now is my age - I'm 40 next year :eek:

You will start to feel more positive soon, I promise. I normally find it happen when I get my first period after a loss - it's kind of like the start of a new chapter if you see what I mean? It's the only time I ever look forward to a period :rotfl:

cozza123

Thanks Rups and portsmouthali at least i kinda know what to expect now as i couldn't find anything on the internet, finally got a text from the midwife after 3 days of trying to contact her not really impressed to be honest and had a couple from some people at work which was nice. Altho I am a bit concerned that when i do go back to work that management will say something along the lines of not trying for a while so i'm not off sick lot

Rups32

keep trying portsmouth. like you said you are 40 next year so keep trying. and you are sooo right. i have never looked forward to a period like i will for my next one. i wonder if it will be a 'normal' one i always have or a slightly heavier one? no idea but hope these next 4-6 weeks go fast as thats what the guys at the hospital said..

another silly question.. i know i am still healing, but after a mc when is it safe to you know... start again with the hubby, before the period arrives?