Miscarriage support

Rups32

was thinking of booking one and will go ahead and book one soon.. havent managed to chat to my manager. think once i chat to her, i will feel better and try and book this. have my grey hairs all over the place and need a nice cut.. i walk around the house in pjs all day and evening.. yuck. thanks all. xx

Rups32

Hello everyone.. how are you?

In the spur of the moment, I booked a hair dye and cut appointment to make myself feel better. When I was at the salon, i saw 3 pregnant women! 3!!!! I didnt feel jealous as such, but felt so sad. wherever i was, i saw them today. felt even more worse coming out then anyhow my hair looks nice and shiny and i have a normal side fringe...

hubby's been away at work and then kung fu so after coming home, i felt weird and alone. been online like a saddo.

hope tomorrow is a better day. decided to meet a friend who is so sweet about this mc but she has a 6 month old baby.. she is gorgeous and i know i wont stop feeling sad, but who can i avoid?

speak to you all hopefully tomorrow. xxx

Kitten_Pie

Hi Rups,

Hope the haircut makes you feel a bit better. I had my haircut after we lost the boys too. Just for a change (something that I could control) It didn't make things better but it made me feel more human. Much like having a bath when you are ill.(Doesn't make you better but makes you feel a bit healthier)

With regards to work, I have been off work since just before we lost the boys so almost 4 months. I am on maternity leave so still getting some pay which makes a difference. However I also feel guilty about not going back to work but find it hard to think about, I wasn't planning on going back once the boys were born, was going to be a SAHM and possibly get a part time job. Thankfully my OH is very supportive and I probably won't end up going back anyway.

Men tend to be more focused on practical things and getting things back to normal (or as near to normal as possible) It can be hard explaining that you haven't just lost a baby, you have lost a toddler, a teenager even grandchildren.

I had a counselling session today which I think was well needed. It has been 3months and 2 weeks since our life changed irreparably and exactly 7 years since my father died so quite emotional. Just trying to function still using lots of distraction techniques.

SusanC_2

Rups, I'm sorry you felt so bombarded by pregnant women - I think when you have a loss they suddenly seem to be everywhere. I find ikea to be the worst and it always takes me by surprise as I suffer from HG so forget that most visibly pregnant women can go about their normal everyday life. (I'm mentioning ikea so that you can be mentally prepared if it's somewhere you go - I find knowing in advance and being mentally prepared makes a massive difference to how I find encounters with pregnancy/babies.)

Kitten_Pie, you have summarised the magnitude of the loss so well - I still keep thinking how I "should" have had a 9 or 7 1/2 or 5 1/2 month old baby now and life seems like one long series of milestones I'll never have so it really isn't ever "just" a baby.

Rups32

Morning.
Thanks kittenpie and susan..that is so sad.. I already look out at my rose bush from my bedroom window and just stare at it. the baby would have been due in August a day after my FIl's bday so i know for sure, I will think about it...so sad though. I did think about counselling as been before too, when I lost my sister over 1 year ago and it helped. will see how i get along at work and then decide as it def helps chatting to someone you don't know at times!

Yesterday I was at home, and then went out for the haircut. I know i got very overwhelmed seeing the preg ladies everywhere. of course its not their fault but was thinking i could have joined them in being pregnant you know?:(

i got back home and as i was alone i got quite sad. Hubby was out at kung fu so when he came back, i was all needy and clingy. ewww..

Have made plans to see a friend and her baby ( i have been preparing for that) for lunch and then will see later as now i dont fancy staying at home alone. hope you are all ok though. x

cozza123

Hi all

I have been on here before a few months ago when I had my first mc and now ive just had my 3rd my doctor has been lovely and after the 2nd had me scanned to check my ovaries etc and they were all fine blood tests all fine too he is now sending me to see a specialist gyno just wondering if anyone has been to see one and what should I expect?

I only seem to get to 6 weeks and then mc i'm only 27 annoyed at the moment because i have been so careful eaten right, dont smoke, dont drink.

colli

Rups32 wrote: »

Have made plans to see a friend and her baby ( i have been preparing for that) for lunch and then will see later as now i dont fancy staying at home alone. hope you are all ok though. x

Hope you have a nice time, these things really do get easier the more you do it but it is tough to begin with. I found being around babies a lot easier than I thought. I think it's because you can have a loooonnnnngggg cuddle with them and they don't care why as they just like the cuddle (I couldn't hug an adult for half an hour without feeling like a weirdo:p).

Pregnant women though, I'm not so keen on. A old friend is due two weeks after I would have been and I honestly think I may try to avoid her as much as I can until she's had the baby (we don't live close to each other so only get to meet every other month or so). After my first mc I also had a friend who was a few weeks ahead of me who I saw regularly and I didn't realise how much it affected me until she had the baby and I suddenly felt so much better. I'm pretty sick of being the "miscarriage friend" when everyone else's pregnancies are just fine. My friends tend to get pregnant on the first try, announce at 5 weeks then pop a healthy baby out with minimal effort 8 months later. Great for them but can I have a bit of that luck please

colli

cozza123 wrote: »

Hi all

I have been on here before a few months ago when I had my first mc and now ive just had my 3rd my doctor has been lovely and after the 2nd had me scanned to check my ovaries etc and they were all fine blood tests all fine too he is now sending me to see a specialist gyno just wondering if anyone has been to see one and what should I expect?

I only seem to get to 6 weeks and then mc i'm only 27 annoyed at the moment because i have been so careful eaten right, dont smoke, dont drink.

I'm so sorry.

I've not had any tests so I can't help on that one. I have been reading a useful book (Miscarriage, What Every Woman Needs to Know by Prof Lesley Rogan), it helped me to understand a bit better what was going on when there is so much conflicting info out there, it's quite old now so some of the research may be out of date but I still found it conforting to be more informed.

cozza123

thankyou colli

just scared of getting bitter towards everyone with children or pregnant and i don't want to feel this way but i know i'm starting to. i just feel so angry and feel hate building up towards even friends who i see put things on their fb like can finally have a drink after 9 months :mad: i would give up anything to have a happy pregnancy and baby and they put things like that and I know its not them its me but i just dunno how to get out of this frame of mind

emsbet

colli wrote: »

I'm so sorry.

I've not had any tests so I can't help on that one. I have been reading a useful book (Miscarriage, What Every Woman Needs to Know by Prof Lesley Rogan), it helped me to understand a bit better what was going on when there is so much conflicting info out there, it's quite old now so some of the research may be out of date but I still found it conforting to be more informed.

This is what I was just about to post. I found the book invaluable. Prof Regan is one of the leading specialists in recurrent mc and she works at St Mary's in London.

Cozza I'm very sorry for you losses. I'm afraid I can't help you too much with what to expect but I do know from reading the above book that it varies from area to area.

xx