Miscarriage support

emsbet

colli wrote: »

Hope you have a nice time, these things really do get easier the more you do it but it is tough to begin with. I found being around babies a lot easier than I thought. I think it's because you can have a loooonnnnngggg cuddle with them and they don't care why as they just like the cuddle (I couldn't hug an adult for half an hour without feeling like a weirdo:p).

Pregnant women though, I'm not so keen on. A old friend is due two weeks after I would have been and I honestly think I may try to avoid her as much as I can until she's had the baby (we don't live close to each other so only get to meet every other month or so). After my first mc I also had a friend who was a few weeks ahead of me who I saw regularly and I didn't realise how much it affected me until she had the baby and I suddenly felt so much better. I'm pretty sick of being the "miscarriage friend" when everyone else's pregnancies are just fine. My friends tend to get pregnant on the first try, announce at 5 weeks then pop a healthy baby out with minimal effort 8 months later. Great for them but can I have a bit of that luck please

This is exactly how I have felt. Babies are much easier for me to handle than pg woman, especially those who are at a similar stage to where I should have been with the two I lost.

xx

colli

cozza123 wrote: »

thankyou colli

just scared of getting bitter towards everyone with children or pregnant and i don't want to feel this way but i know i'm starting to. i just feel so angry and feel hate building up towards even friends who i see put things on their fb like can finally have a drink after 9 months :mad: i would give up anything to have a happy pregnancy and baby and they put things like that and I know its not them its me but i just dunno how to get out of this frame of mind

It's always difficult when you see other people taking something for granted that you desperately want. I think the fact you recognise those feelings goes a huge way to helping you deal with them. I don't know your history but it sounds like you've had your 3 mc close together? That's a lot to go through in a short space of time. Give yourself a break, it's natural to be upset, angry, jealous and bitter. be nice to yourself and do things that make you feel happy. By being proactive on the testing front you're making very positive steps towards a healthy pregnancy next time. I know it's probably cold comfort (it is when people say it to me) but the odds of having a sucessful pregnancy next time are still in your favour.

colli

emsbet wrote: »

This is what I was just about to post. I found the book invaluable. Prof Regan is one of the leading specialists in recurrent mc and she works at St Mary's in London.

great minds and all that! glad you're well (I've been lurking about the place )

emsbet

colli wrote: »

great minds and all that! glad you're well (I've been lurking about the place )

Thanks Taking one day at a time.

Been thinking a lot about my lost babies recently though which makes me feel bad and ungrateful as I should be focusing on now but I can't help it I think it's made worse because the due date of my first baby is coming up on Monday.

xx

SusanC_2

Cozza I'm so sorry you've had three losses and I know it is so disheartening when it seems like everyone else just pops babies out left right and centre. I don't know what you should expect but I think there are a few posters who have had investigations and will hopefully be able to tell you.

Emsbet, take care of yourself. My first due date was a week after my third loss and was my daughters birthday so it kind of got taken over by everything else that happened but the second due date hit me like a tonne of bricks and I was totally overwhelmed by how much I was affected and hadn't expected it at all.

colli

SusanC wrote: »

Emsbet, take care of yourself. My first due date was a week after my third loss and was my daughters birthday so it kind of got taken over by everything else that happened but the second due date hit me like a tonne of bricks and I was totally overwhelmed by how much I was affected and hadn't expected it at all.

Similar for me, my first due date was a week after my ERPC for the second loss and to be honest it was ok, just something else to deal with. I don't know how I'll get on next time.

Don't feel bad Emsbet, I've found pregnancy makes you very introspective and it's so hard not to think of what you've lost at anytime. Your lost babies will always be a part of you and you won't ever forget them no matter how many brothers and sisters you give them. I'm sure your heart is big enough for them all (sorry for the cheese!:o)

Rups32

i am so sorry to hear that cozza. Hugs.. its really sad but like everyone has said on here, speaking to the experts will def help esp as they will look into it properly to find reasons or give you some hormone injections? I spoke to my friend who has the baby and she said it tool her and her husband 1 year to get pregnant and they had to go for tests too like she had to check her ovulation and her husband had to with his sperm count etc. they were lucky to be seen by a good GP and then referred further. Somehow I wonder about the type of service I will get in Croydon!!

So weird though. I went and met my friend and had a play with her baby who is gorgeous. i know people mean well but i am now getting tired of people saying its so common so before i could stop myself, i just said i know it is but when it happens to you, you would still question it? i hope i didnt offend her.i know sometimes people dont know what to say, but a sorry would be good right? then as i was walking home, i passed by a lovely gay guy and his partner me and hubby know. I had told them about it but his reaction was very sympathetic and then he said 'not to worry as his sis or someone he knew has had some and also healthy kids'. yes i know and i know, but still i need my time to get over it and that is what i told him. am i being too defensive here?

oh and the final joke was when i got home!!! there was a letter from the stupid hospital in Croydon giving me an appointment for the 13 week scan! As soon as i saw it, i wanted to rip it and cry but i just stayed calm and am here..sigh... it took me ages to get a Midwife appointment and now this scan date comes through.. i so want to sit and cry but am too drained!!!
sorry long thread.

Kitten_Pie

Hi Rups,

It is perfectly normal to go on the defensive, you are in pain and need to protect yourself. I am still getting angry at people but have to keep biting my tongue and reminding myself that they mean no harm.

The problem is that no one know what to say so are trying to look on the bright side, however it doesn't help you.

I am angry at the hospital on your behalf, the amount of times they do this. The one time you would think their internal communication would actually work and they screw it up. Sorry it has made me very angry that they would add to your pain in this way..

mishkanorman

I would complain about that rups, they (your doctors/whoever was in charge of your care) are supposed to ensure all relevant departments know about your loss. The last thing you need is a letter like that dropping through your door !

kinda miffed for you too, want me to ring them for you ? im great at letting rip

SusanC_2

I agree with the others rups - the hospital should not have sent you a scan appointment.

Whilst it is inevitable/understandable that people say hurtful things without meaning to, I don't think there is anything wrong with telling people their words are unhelpful. You are grieving and under no obligation to paint on a smile and pretend what people have said is fine with you. It is not up to anyone else but you how you grieve, how you view what has happened, how you get over it or how long the process takes and every person is different and deals with it in their own way. Your way is not wrong just because it doesn't meet the expectations of those around you.