Miscarriage support

skintchick

Rups, tell your MIL to butt out and tell OH you'll go back when you're ready. After my first mc I had three weeks off work. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks but didn;t feel emotionally ready for another week.

The others I've definitely not felt myself again for a couple of weeks, but as a SAHM for those ones I've had to get going sooner, although OH worked from home to support me. I had at least a week in bed/not doing mum stuff for those though.

TeamLowe

Hi Rups and everyone
Men are very strange creatures, as i think we've all found out through this process, and maybe he's like mine and just wants everything to be ok again so bad that he's subconsciously trying to force you to be ok too? i remember in several heart to hearts about how i was and how he was treating me, my husband said he'd seen me the happiest i'd ever been when i was pregnant and he was more upset about how upset i was than losing the baby, cos he only wants me to be happy.

One thing i have found, which has really suprised me, is how upset he is now about the baby. i guess whilst i was and should have been pregnant it was all a bit theoretical for him, whereas now we should have a newborn so it's made him realise that there is an actual person missing from our family.
We went to see my friend who was due the day before me and her new baby. he's absolutely gorgeous and i had a big long cuddle but husband was too upset about not having our baby so didn't hold him x x

Rups32

thanks ladies..i am still feeling grumpy but thats prob due to lack of sleep.. i know men are strange things, but to enforce his opinion on me? i know he is the type to carry on and focus on work to try and 'forget' stuff. i know he is upset too as he has said it and if he wasnt, i would be worried that what have i married? but he is such a practical (hope this is the right word) or pragmatic guy, that for him doing routine stuff is the best way to keep busy and not get depressed.. i was upset at him and let him have his rant at me about me 'shying' off work but i let him say it and i said he didnt know how physical it was for me, and even though it looks like i may have recovered physically, i havent quite emotionally. to which he replied that if it takes long, i cant stay off work that long, and if i stay away too long, if there are any redundancies etc then i would be the first to go. to be honest, i dont care!!! i plan to stay at home this week and will do so. just feel so annoyed at people now just asking when i back at work etc (i mean family). I am surprised that my own mum said to take time off and usually she is the one who keeps busy to think about stuff less.

Teamlowe, that is really sad about your husband. i guess he really is not afraid to show his emotions, and sometimes i wish my hubby could. i read lots of stuff where they have said everyone deals with things differently, so i have left him to be busy working. i know he thinks about it too..:( i wish he was more vocal about it.. men!! so hard to understand..

i am annoyed thinking about it. im going to stay at home...i am supposed to ring my manager in a bit for a chat and i kind of feel guilty but not also if you know what i mean? it will be 2 weeks tomorrow that i havent been to work.. i wasnt worried about it but now these guys are getting me wound up about it.

we planted our little rose bush yesterday. hope it grows well.

SusanC_2

Rups, nobody should be pressuring you about going back to work - only you can decide any you should go when YOU are ready and not before.

Rups32

Thanks Susan..do not intend to.. one of our friends rang me earlier to say she was sorry upon hearing the sad news. she wanted to meet for a coffee. i said i can manage a few hours as get tired still... so might go and see her mid-week. and then slowly start preparing my mind for work next week. i think i may get too cosy sitting at home.

Nicki

Rups I had 2 weeks off with my first loss, which was a mmc at 17 weeks. With my last one, like Skintchick, I am a SAHM. I started bleeding on Saturday and spent Saturday and Sunday in bed with DH looking after the kids. We had the scan comfirming I was miscarrying on Monday morning, and DH went back to work on Monday afternoon, and I looked after the kids as normal from that point on

flutterby_lil

I had a month off with mine, I got used to being at home and could have stayed off longer but thought I best resturn to "normality" and have some kind of routine to keep me going.

Me OH at the time (hence now an ex) was working away in Scotland and never bothered to come home for a week after!!!

Take your time and return to work when YOU feel ready, not when somebody else thinks you are.

Rups32

so sorry Nicki. hugs..it is unfair i feel that sometimes we HAVE to start preparing to just carry on.. what can we do thought right? I know for me, if i stay at home too long, i start thinking way too much and might end up being depressed etc so for me eventually the answer is taking some time now and then being busy at work..:0( bah work...

since we got married (3 months ago), we have been very busy as a couple and then work got busy too. its new position (well started in August) and then was chucked into the deep end as the woman training me had some compassionate leave so i was pretty stressed. i have to now take it calmly and not let work stress me out nor the husband. i know he is worried that its a new job still and this week i will have been off for 2 weeks, but like everyone is saying, i should take my time. i know he has a bad cold today but am hoping he returns to work tomorrow as when at home, he annoys me. :P
is it sad that i am thinking to go get my hair done this week just to feel good about myself?

Rups32

oh flutter am so sorry.. i know it helps chatting to women about it but when the person you are with doesnt support you, its so sad. men def have a low tolerance of these things. its not right but its the case. so sad.

flutterby_lil

I think you need to do something for you, to cheer you up and help you come to terms with things. Maybe something to make you smile and try be yourself again, something to look forward to after your loss, after your stress at work will be good.

Lol, sometimes it is nice to be home alone, no OH there to bug you. I know I like to be home alone every now and then.

Chin up chick, enjoy your hair appointment