Miscarriage support

cleofish

wondering if i could ask some advice, i had a mmc in nov at 11 weeks, prior to this i had molar pregnancy found out at 8 weeks.

We have been ttc since everything calmed down afterwards and i think again this month it hasnt gone the way we wanted.

If im being honest with myself i think i need some sort of counselling. I had chemo treatment for the molar, and the mc at 11 weeks just seem so unfair after the luck that we have had.

When af arrived last month it really hit me hard (i was hoping we would get pregnant straight after the mc-some sort of weird logic that if i was pregnant in the same year things wouldnt feel so bad-but of course they did) and now this month i think af is due tomorrow pretty sure as im getting cramps and i feel devasted thats its coming.

I feel like i 'have' to be pregnant, thats its a need i have to fill, i worry if theres something wrong with me, why cant it be easy.. probabaly the usual things but what worries me most is how emotionally dependant i seem to have gotten around getting pregnant and how it just seems as if getting pregnant would solve everything, logically i know it wouldnt because if i did get pregnant i would then start worrying about whether i would mc again and all that stuff. But at the moment pregnancy is dominating my thoughts.

can anyone recommend any counselling? do i go to the gp, has anyone done a similar thing, i suspect it might be a long waiting list on the nhs so i am willing to look privately as well, as long as i know that it would be worthwhile and they were good.

sorry for the long post and what feels like ive just opened my heart, its easier to type to 'strangers' than it is to speak to family or oh at the moment for obvious reasons and i worry ill come across as some sort of mad, pregnant driven woman for the wrong reasons, and i dont want it to be like that.

thanks for listening.

colli

not sure I'm going to be of much help Cleo but just wanted to let you know there is a friendly ear out there.

I've just had my second mc at 11 weeks. I feel hard done by to say the least. I don't know if it's your thing but acupuncure really helped me the first time round, physically and emotionally, I've also found meditiation helpful.

I've found looking after myself physically (boring stuff like eating well and exercising) helps with my emotional well being too. If I'm tired, have a headache or just feel crap things start to look bleaker. I was advised to get my iron levels checked after a mc as it's common for them to be low (especially if there was a lot of bleeding), low iron levels can make you feel very down. Of course these aren't going to "cure" a significant depression but they may help a bit in the short term.

I don't have any experience of counselling, but you've been through an awful lot and if you think you should see someone then you probably should. I was on another forum and someone said the Miscarriage Association had been very helpful regarding a medical query they had, I know they don't offer counselling but they may be able to recommend someone especially trained in your area or let you know how to get help from the NHS, I'm sure your GP would be a good starting point too. I've never been bothered about seeing a male or female GP in the past but I've found women health professionals seem a bit more compasssionate as far as mc goes (and when I last had a smear the nurse recommended speaking to female gp's about gynae stuff).

Not sure if any of this is of any practical help at all but good luck. Here's to a lovely 2012 baby for all of us :beer:

SusanC_2

cleofish wrote: »

I feel like i 'have' to be pregnant, thats its a need i have to fill, i worry if theres something wrong with me, why cant it be easy.. probabaly the usual things but what worries me most is how emotionally dependant i seem to have gotten around getting pregnant and how it just seems as if getting pregnant would solve everything, logically i know it wouldnt because if i did get pregnant i would then start worrying about whether i would mc again and all that stuff. But at the moment pregnancy is dominating my thoughts.

I don't really have any advice/recommendations but I just wanted to say that I think with anything that you've hoped and planned for for a long time and has been tantalisingly within your grasp and then whipped away it is natural for it to become a big thing in your life so I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you because of your your feeling. I'm not saying that counselling wouldn't be useful - I'm sure it will be very helpful but I just wanted to say that the fact you are feeling like this and feel like you could use some help doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with you.

Cullumpster

can I ask a question please, how long did everyone bleed for? I had a mmc on november 18th, which rather ironically was children in need day !!! so apart from being the worst day of my life I was reminded of it all evening. just wanted to know as I am still bleeding, I know the doctors said that it would be a while but this is getting silly now and I'm knackered.
ok so maybe TMI but I'm not bleeding as such its just like black stuff like tar :eek: some days there is lots others nothing I was supposed to get iron tablets from the docs but haven't yet would that make a difference? sorry about the yeucky info

portsmouthali

cleofish wrote: »

I feel like i 'have' to be pregnant, thats its a need i have to fill, i worry if theres something wrong with me, why cant it be easy.. probabaly the usual things but what worries me most is how emotionally dependant i seem to have gotten around getting pregnant and how it just seems as if getting pregnant would solve everything, logically i know it wouldnt because if i did get pregnant i would then start worrying about whether i would mc again and all that stuff. But at the moment pregnancy is dominating my thoughts.

I could have typed this myself

I have a friend who has had 4 second trimester losses, all at around 17-20 weeks. She found a counsellor through the Miscarriage Association who she said has been amazingly helpful even though she didn't think it would be. She has urged me to do the same many times, but I haven't because of course when I get pregnant again, it will all be OK

I haven't entirely ruled it out, but in a way I'm scared of how it will make me feel and how much pain will be released. That sounds a bit melodramatic but I'm not sure how else to describe it. My AF is due this weekend and I'm in no doubt that it's on it's way :mad:

Flowertotmum I'm so sorry your news wasn't good. Hope you & your OH are OK xxxxx

portsmouthali

Cullumpster wrote: »

can I ask a question please, how long did everyone bleed for? I had a mmc on november 18th, which rather ironically was children in need day !!! so apart from being the worst day of my life I was reminded of it all evening. just wanted to know as I am still bleeding, I know the doctors said that it would be a while but this is getting silly now and I'm knackered.
ok so maybe TMI but I'm not bleeding as such its just like black stuff like tar :eek: some days there is lots others nothing I was supposed to get iron tablets from the docs but haven't yet would that make a difference? sorry about the yeucky info

Don't worry about TMI Cullumpster, we've seen/heard it all

Did you have ERPC? I bled for about a week/10 days after both of mine, but longer with my "natural" (I use the term loosely) losses. About 3-4 weeks if I remember rightly. It's probably nothing to worry about, but I would go back to your GP or maybe call your EPU as it does seem to be dragging on for you xxx

Cullumpster

sorry yes I first of all went home for a natural but after a week with nothing happening I opted for the ERPC I've been taken to the office at work and asked if I was ill as I look so drawn

littlewhiteowl

Hello All
This thread is a brilliant idea. I just need a little advice/ shoulder to cry on as i cant really talk to anyone at the moment as it doesnt seem like anyone would understand.
Im 22 and have been with my OH for 4 years. We live together but we're not married. Hes in a steady job but were struggling at the moment for money as Ive just lost mine and Im not having much luck in finding anything else. I had my miscarriage in 2009, I was only 18 and the pregnancy was a complete surprise. But after loosing it, I found it so hard to come to terms with. Ive done a lot of growing up since then and mentally I feel like Ive grown too much. The main thing getting to me is that all of my friends are having children and there are pregnancy and baby pictures everywhere i look, All i seem to notice are babies and children and pregnant women. My Sister in law is giving birth in a few weeks and although im happy for her I just get tearful whenever I see anything to do with it. All i want so much is to try again but now I've lost my job financially it would be so irresponsible of me to try. My OH dosent understand but its all i can think about. Its like I want it so much but I cant have it yet. Can anyone sympathize with this?
Thanks

skintchick

Hi littlewhiteowl, yes I can empathise with that. And with how Cleo feels too.

I've had three miscarriages, one before my DD and two last year, the last one was a mmc at 10.5 weeks (baby came at 13 weeks) so very similar to cleo.

I am still devastated, and struggling to get PG again and so so upset at friends being PG/giving birth, it is so hard.

hugs for Bikerchick too, that sounds very difficult to deal with, if baby died two months ago, I would definitely want to talk to a doctor about that it must be so hard mentally to deal with.

Sorry I'm brief, I feel really down tonight and can;t think properly to type what is in my head, but I'm thinking of everyone and send hugs to all.

SusanC_2

Cullumpster, I was told that bleeding can last up to six weeks so I'd probably get it checked out just to be sure.

littlewhiteowl I think it's natural to be upset when you see lots of people around you getting something that you lost especially when you can't see any immediate prospects of it happening for you. I think also one tends to notice more the people who have it than the people who don't - I know for me it feels like everyone else has their second child really soon after their first (I will now have a minimum age gap of five years). If I stop and think about it, I can think of quite a few people with bigger gaps but it still *feels* like everyone else has a shorter gap because I see so many people with something I can only dream of.