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Miscarriage support

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  • ...actually when she'd asked me oh so earnestly 'is there anything I can do?' I should have replied, 'yes, just maybe not bang on endlessly about your child right in front of me the day I come back to work after having suffered a miscarriage, please'!
    Metranil dreams of becoming a neon,
    You don't even take him seriously,
    How am I going to get to heaven?,
    When I'm just balanced so precariously..
  • emsbet
    emsbet Posts: 5,237 Forumite
    manda1205 wrote: »
    Having one daughter already I can honestly say when I used to rub my belly my main reason was because she'd been kicking me and I felt like I was rubbing her back, sort of telling her I was there. As I can see from both sides, as I so desperately wanted another baby but have lost 2, I really dont think pregnant people realise they're upsetting anyone, and certainly don't do these things on purpose. You have to remember that until you actually go through the pain of losing your own baby, until that day, you have absolutely no idea of how it effects people, I certainly didn't. So what Im trying to say is they have no idea, hence they're in their own world, totally oblivious to how you may be feeling.
    Doesn't make it any easier for us who have lost, but trying to give some perspective.

    I accept that is probably the reason she does it, I think the reason it upsets me more is that she comes and stands right next me when I'm sitting down so her bump is right in my face and so I can't not look at it. I feel a bit pinned between her and the desk IYSWIM.

    You'd think me being off for a month after my last mc would give an indication of how it affected me. It's not just her most of my work colleagues don't seem to think I should be still affected as was evident when I was put in charge of organising a collection for another lady who'd just had a baby. I also had to go out and buy the presents. No one at any point asked if I was ok with it and that made me cross. When I spoke to a lady I sit by after I'd sorted it all she was so upset about it because she thought that I'd volunteered to do it. So I guess all but the lady who put me in charge of doing it probably thought the same. It's my own fault I should have said something.

    I know I shouldn't expect other people to remember my loss like I do. Thanks for your comment (and Nicki also) I get that she probably isn't doing it on purpose and I will try to bear that in mind when I next see her at work. It will probably help me to think of it like that otherwise I'm going to end up being so bitter I won't be able to function. Thanks ladies for the alternative perspective :o

    xx
    :A 09.06.11:A 07.10.11:A
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12 :happylove

    :kisses2:The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe :kisses2:

    Patience is a virtue I lack! :p
  • SusanC_2
    SusanC_2 Posts: 5,344 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Okay, I guess it's fairly normal to rub your bump then - maybe it's just being so ill that meant I didn't.
    Any question, comment or opinion is not intended to be criticism of anyone else.
    2 Samuel 12:23 Romans 8:28 Psalm 30:5
    "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die"
  • manda1205
    manda1205 Posts: 2,366 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    emsbet wrote: »
    You'd think me being off for a month after my last mc would give an indication of how it affected me. It's not just her most of my work colleagues don't seem to think I should be still affected as was evident when I was put in charge of organising a collection for another lady who'd just had a baby. I also had to go out and buy the presents. No one at any point asked if I was ok with it and that made me cross. When I spoke to a lady I sit by after I'd sorted it all she was so upset about it because she thought that I'd volunteered to do it. So I guess all but the lady who put me in charge of doing it probably thought the same. It's my own fault I should have said something.

    I really don't think people understand at all, until it has happened to them because physically you look fine, its very hard to understand whats going on mentally. Even my husband thought for a long while that the reason I don't want more children is just because I don't, not because I can't bare the thought of going through another miscarriage. He honestly can't grasp it. And even my sister seems to think her having 3, yes 3 :eek:, abortions is somehow the same as my 2 MC's! She cannot understand that although she felt pressured by the men in her life, she still had a choice, with a MC there is NO choice. In the past year I have learnt that I just have to accept that people just don't understand, and don't mean to offend or upset me with things they say, and I must just get on with it, or I will spend the rest of my life sad, bitter and very unhappy.
  • skintchick
    skintchick Posts: 15,114 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    On the bump rubbing, it is definitely an instinctive, protective thing you do without really thinking, even very early on, and later it is usually because they are kicking you and it hurts! But Emsbet, the lady should be more sensitive and not do it literally in your face. If I were you, I'd tell her you find it upsetting and ask her to avoid standing with her bump in your face. I'm sure she'll be mortified and doesn;t even realise she's doing it.
    :cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool:
    :heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
  • colli
    colli Posts: 669 Forumite
    hello everyone. MC no. 2 for me, had an ERPC yesterday :(. Physically recovering well and emotionally not too bad, actually feeling fairly positive despite everything. It would have been my first baby's due date next week too (think it's about the same time for you too isn't it Emsbet?).

    Not much to say really, I'm at home in my pj's and feeling blue so wanted to be around some familiar "faces" :o
  • tinkwings
    tinkwings Posts: 3,288 Forumite
    colli wrote: »
    hello everyone. MC no. 2 for me, had an ERPC yesterday :(. Physically recovering well and emotionally not too bad, actually feeling fairly positive despite everything. It would have been my first baby's due date next week too (think it's about the same time for you too isn't it Emsbet?).

    Not much to say really, I'm at home in my pj's and feeling blue so wanted to be around some familiar "faces" :o

    Colli Sending HUGE hugs xxxxx :A
    If you can think it........it will happen
  • ...actually when she'd asked me oh so earnestly 'is there anything I can do?' I should have replied, 'yes, just maybe not bang on endlessly about your child right in front of me the day I come back to work after having suffered a miscarriage, please'!

    :T You always manage to bring a smile to my face MV :)

    So sorry Colli xxx Sadly I know how you're feeling all too well. Take it easy and have a peaceful weekend. Have a dodgy looking hug :grouphug:
  • emsbet
    emsbet Posts: 5,237 Forumite
    colli wrote: »
    hello everyone. MC no. 2 for me, had an ERPC yesterday :(. Physically recovering well and emotionally not too bad, actually feeling fairly positive despite everything. It would have been my first baby's due date next week too (think it's about the same time for you too isn't it Emsbet?).

    Not much to say really, I'm at home in my pj's and feeling blue so wanted to be around some familiar "faces" :o

    Oh no Colli, I'm so so sorry sweetie! :( Sending you massive ((hugs)) and lots of love.

    My first baby's due date was 7th February so I have a few weeks yet.

    xx
    :A 09.06.11:A 07.10.11:A
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12 :happylove

    :kisses2:The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe :kisses2:

    Patience is a virtue I lack! :p
  • colli
    colli Posts: 669 Forumite
    Speaking of funny things people say my mum said the other day "be careful though, you'll be likely to catch quickly after your op", um, GOOD! I guess mums never grow out of telling their daughters to "be careful" when it comes to pregnancy! Think she's just worried about me rushing things but still....
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