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Miscarriage support

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Comments

  • emsbet
    emsbet Posts: 5,237 Forumite
    So sorry SK, thinking of you & your OH. Feel free to rant on here as much as you like :)

    I'm not feeling too hopeful myself at the moment, and it's not being helped by the world & his flaming wife announcing pregnancies all over my facebook :mad: scan pictures everywhere!

    Once of my colleagues went on maternity leave yesterday, and I wrote nice things in her card but didn't think nice things in my head :o Luckily she finishes earlier than me, and I was in a meeting when she got handed her presents and went home. If I hadn't had my miscarriage in August, I'd have been going on maternity leave too, so I really didn't want to be there for that bit. I hate being all bitter & twisted about it, but sometimes it's hard.

    I went through my fb hiding all pregnant "friends" except two close friends so that I couldn't see anything about them unless I click on their page which I won't be doing.

    I have the same thing at work, there's a girl who's about 5 weeks ahead of where I should be and watching her bump grow has been torture. I know she was trying for a year or so but I still can't look at her, especially when she comes over to my desk to ask me something and stands there rubbing her bump constantly with a smug "look at me all pregnant" look on her face. It is so hard and I'm like you I hate being bitter and twisted about it but sometimes I just want to scream at how unfair it all seems.

    xx
    :A 09.06.11:A 07.10.11:A
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12 :happylove

    :kisses2:The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe :kisses2:

    Patience is a virtue I lack! :p
  • skintchick
    skintchick Posts: 15,114 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    You can add me to the bitter and twisted list too. A person I did my breastfeeding training iwth told me the other night that another person we trained with was pregnant with her second. First person knows what I've been through so I replied 'I really don;t care about other people's pregnancies right now actually.' She did apologise and was obviously mortified but still.

    We have a right to feel how we feel. Life isn;t all sunshine and roses.
    :cool: DFW Nerd Club member 023...DFD 9.2.2007 :cool:
    :heartpuls married 21 6 08 :A Angel babies' birth dates 3.10.08 * 4.3.11 * 11.11.11 * 17.3.12 * 2.7.12 :heart2: My live baby's birth date 22 7 09 :heart2: I'm due another baby at the end of July 2014! :j
  • SusanC_2
    SusanC_2 Posts: 5,344 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    emsbet wrote: »
    I went through my fb hiding all pregnant "friends" except two close friends so that I couldn't see anything about them unless I click on their page which I won't be doing.

    I have the same thing at work, there's a girl who's about 5 weeks ahead of where I should be and watching her bump grow has been torture. I know she was trying for a year or so but I still can't look at her, especially when she comes over to my desk to ask me something and stands there rubbing her bump constantly with a smug "look at me all pregnant" look on her face. It is so hard and I'm like you I hate being bitter and twisted about it but sometimes I just want to scream at how unfair it all seems.

    xx
    I don't understand why someone would need to be rubbing their bumps. I've never noticed it myself as I'm generally too busy being amazed by other people's ability to do normal things while visibly pregnant but I've known lots of people comment on it happening and I honestly can't think of any reason for doing it other than to attract attention.
    Any question, comment or opinion is not intended to be criticism of anyone else.
    2 Samuel 12:23 Romans 8:28 Psalm 30:5
    "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die"
  • emsbet
    emsbet Posts: 5,237 Forumite
    SusanC wrote: »
    I don't understand why someone would need to be rubbing their bumps. I've never noticed it myself as I'm generally too busy being amazed by other people's ability to do normal things while visibly pregnant but I've known lots of people comment on it happening and I honestly can't think of any reason for doing it other than to attract attention.

    I don't get it either especially while you talking to someone who you know has recently had two losses. She also walks around the office staring at her bump. She's been doing both since about 12 weeks when there was no bump. I try to just ignore her but it's difficult when you work in an open plan office.

    xx
    :A 09.06.11:A 07.10.11:A
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12 :happylove

    :kisses2:The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe :kisses2:

    Patience is a virtue I lack! :p
  • maire1
    maire1 Posts: 300 Forumite
    It's very comforting to read your experiences of the way you feel about other peoples pregnancies. I thought I was being irrational to feel such pain at other peoples happiness iyswim?

    I lost my baby in September and the pain is still quite raw. Added to health complications that mean future pregnancy will be difficult.

    I've done the same re hiding people on Facebook and now know that if I am ever lucky enough to fall pg I will not put my scan pics on for all to see. You never know who is secretly suffering and I'm sensitive to that now.
  • TeamLowe
    TeamLowe Posts: 2,406 Forumite
    I'm the same, this weekend would have been our baby's due date, and is one of my best friends' baby's due date. it's so so hard seeing a living reminder of where i should be. i'm happy for her but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

    my parents have been wonderful and have paid for my husband and i to go away this weekend so it's nice to have something to look forward and to be tucked away all private in case we do want to cry and mourn. if not, it'll also be good to remember to be so so thankful for my wonderful husband and what we have together already

    hugs to you all, such a tough time of year and people really don't think before they open their mouths, which is a shame x x
    Little Lowe born January 2014 at 36+6

    Completed on house September 2013

    Got Married April 2011
  • emsbet
    emsbet Posts: 5,237 Forumite
    Teamlowe ((hugs)) I knew your due date was coming up but I couldn't remember exactly when it was. I'll be thinking of you this weekend and I hope the time passes as easily as it can for you.
    How lovely of your parents to pay for a weekend away for you.

    xx
    :A 09.06.11:A 07.10.11:A
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12 :happylove

    :kisses2:The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe :kisses2:

    Patience is a virtue I lack! :p
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    I think it's a really instinctive thing to rub your bump. I know I used to do it when pregnant, whether anyone was there or not, and not consciously if you know what I mean. I had a long period of infertility before managing to conceive my first, and a loss, so I suspect on one level, I was reassuring myself that it was finally happening for me, but there's also an element of self protecting, like you might put a hand up to guard a damaged limb if someone got too close. I don't know if it helps though to see it as an instinctive unconscious gesture, rather than someone flaunting their pregnancy?

    I had the same experience as kittenpie after my first loss, with someone congratulating me on my pregnancy, then asking me several times if I was sure I wasn't :(. It is just devastating, isn't it.

    I also had the not very nice experience on NYE of someone I have only met once coming up to me at a party, and telling me how sorry she was about my recent miscarriage. Given that I had only told 3 people I was pregnant, and she wasn't one of them obviously, and another 2 that I had miscarried, I was less than impressed, and at a party too! Not sure how or why she thought that would add to my enjoyment of the evening (and she definitely wasn't doing it to be horrible, she genuinely seemed to think it was the right thing to do and say)
  • manda1205
    manda1205 Posts: 2,366 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    SusanC wrote: »
    I don't understand why someone would need to be rubbing their bumps. I've never noticed it myself as I'm generally too busy being amazed by other people's ability to do normal things while visibly pregnant but I've known lots of people comment on it happening and I honestly can't think of any reason for doing it other than to attract attention.
    emsbet wrote: »
    I don't get it either especially while you talking to someone who you know has recently had two losses. She also walks around the office staring at her bump. She's been doing both since about 12 weeks when there was no bump. I try to just ignore her but it's difficult when you work in an open plan office.

    xx
    Having one daughter already I can honestly say when I used to rub my belly my main reason was because she'd been kicking me and I felt like I was rubbing her back, sort of telling her I was there. As I can see from both sides, as I so desperately wanted another baby but have lost 2, I really dont think pregnant people realise they're upsetting anyone, and certainly don't do these things on purpose. You have to remember that until you actually go through the pain of losing your own baby, until that day, you have absolutely no idea of how it effects people, I certainly didn't. So what Im trying to say is they have no idea, hence they're in their own world, totally oblivious to how you may be feeling.
    Doesn't make it any easier for us who have lost, but trying to give some perspective.
  • Some people are such numpties, whether they mean to be or not!
    I can't believe SK that this woman kept pushing you on whether you were pregnant. For goodness sake, you'd think maybe if someone answered in the negative, you'd leave it at that. I bet she was mortified when you told her, but as susanc said, maybe it'll make her think twice in the future before opening her mouth.

    I found work colleagues painfully insensitive after my loss, in particular one girl who had emailed me and texted loads to 'see how I was' 'could she do anything' etc when she first heard the news, yet the day I went back to work, was within 5 mins standing at my desk with 3 other people having a loud conversation all about her pregnancy/birth/what Cbeebies programmes her son likes etc..

    It was so upsetting and I had to excuse myself, go to the toilet on the top floor where I stayed for about 40 mins sobbing my eyes out.

    I guess unless you've been through it yourself (she hadn't), you really haven't got a clue how hideous and painful it is.
    Metranil dreams of becoming a neon,
    You don't even take him seriously,
    How am I going to get to heaven?,
    When I'm just balanced so precariously..
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