Miscarriage support

emsbet

harasas wrote: »

Whowants2birch, thank you for your quick reply and advice and congrats on the pregnancy, I hope everything goes ok.
What I am worried about is someone having to stay with me after, like I said I can get picked up but then I would be going home by myself. It's sounds awful but I was going to just tell the hospital that somebody would be with me that night but after what you have said, the after effects sound pretty exhausting and debilitating
I don't like to moan but everything just seems so hard at the moment and this is makin it harder.
Thanks again everyone

Is there absolutely no one who could stay with you? A close friend maybe who you could confide in?
I haven't had a D&C/ERPC but I had medical management of my last mc (I was 13+3, baby died at 11+3) and passed my baby in the hospital, I had very heavy bleeding and a lot of pain. I had my DH with me there and when I went home. I am so glad he was there. I was still bleeding heavily and obviously very emotional and I don't think it would have been wise to have been on my own. It is a very lonely time and in my opinion I think you do need someone there.

Cullumpster I'm so sorry the doctor was so insensitive. When I got back to work I had a meeting with my boss and he came out with such gems as "well you are still young" and "there are people worse off than you"! :eek: He was trying to be nice and I know these things but after two mcs in five months I don't feel particularly young or lucky.

Re: wanting to know what stage your baby was at when he/she died, you could always call the hospital - they will have it in your notes as they should have measured the baby when they scanned you. Just tell them you want to know what to expect. My baby was just over 11 weeks when he died and we got to see him afterwards. He was about 4 or 5 inches long.

As others have said you can get your doctor to sign you off (mine signed me off for a month). Mc is counted as pg related sickness and therefore doesn't count as normal sickness and so shouldn't be included for things such as references when you look for a new job etc.


Today should have been the day that we had our 20 week scan It's been a struggle this morning as I also went for my first counselling session. It's been six weeks now since we said goodbye to Alex and there are more good days than bad. It's still a struggle right at times but it's getting easier.

To all of you wonderful ladies going through this terrible time right now, be kind and gentle to yourselves, it will be a horrible time but it will get better. Slowly but surely the pain will ease. We will never forget our lost babies and we will always love them.

xx

Cullumpster

is medical management the tablets they.give you, I was offered this also but.have read a few bad things about it, would I have to go to th hospital for these or can I get them from the gp appointment?

emsbet

Cullumpster wrote: »

is medical management the tablets they.give you, I was offered this also but.have read a few bad things about it, would I have to go to th hospital for these or can I get them from the gp appointment?

Yes it is. I think you have to go to hospital for them.
I had some tablets the day of my scan then went home. These tablets apparantly lowered my HcG levels and softened my cervix. I then went back to hospital two days later to be given more tablets which started my uerus contracting. I then had what was effectively a shortened labour (it was about 6 hours between the first dose of pills and passing the baby). It was very painful but they gave me plenty of drugs including pethedin (sp?). For me it was the best option because a) I hate general anesthetic and b) I personally wanted to see my baby to say goodbye and also to make it more real to me and help me accept that he was gone.
I think the success rate is 85% for a "complete" mc after taking medical management. The other 15% may require further intervention which can include ERPC but not always. I had some membrane and large clots that I couldn't pass and I had to go back into hospital a week after I mc'd. But they were stuck just outside my cervix so I didn't require a GA to have them removed. Instead I was awake while the Dr removed them.
I think medical management is like a speeded up natural mc.

xx

Cullumpster

wow that sounds hard, i'm still not sure what to do, I know if I discuss it with my oh he will say just.get to hospital and get it out:eek: but.i want to see it, if I have GA then I wo.'t be able to, not sire why I want to zee it, maybe it's just.for closure, maybe the scan was wrong and they just missed the heartbeatand I am still pg, I still feel it although oh said my tummy had got smaller this.morning.

Cullumpster

grrr sorry stupid phone, can't edit or go back and keeps putting random full stops in!!!

emsbet

Cullumpster wrote: »

wow that sounds hard, i'm still not sure what to do, I know if I discuss it with my oh he will say just.get to hospital and get it out:eek: but.i want to see it, if I have GA then I wo.'t be able to, not sire why I want to zee it, maybe it's just.for closure, maybe the scan was wrong and they just missed the heartbeatand I am still pg, I still feel it although oh said my tummy had got smaller this.morning.

If you want to see baby then ERPC isn't the way to go. Natural and medically managed mc's are more drawn out than ERPC and can be very painful but I think it does offer some closure and a chance to say goodbye.
I lot of people prefer the EPRC because it is over quicker and I think the bleeding afterwards doesn't last as long and the pain is less.

It's completely a personal chocie that only you can make. If you call the EPU at your hospital they should be able to go through your choices in more detail with you and help you make an informed decision.

If you have anymore questions about my experience with the medical management feel free to ask, by PM if you'd prefer as I'm happy to share if you think it will help. I know when I was waiting to go back to hospital I spent ages trying to get as much information about what would happen as I could. The worst part for me was not knowing what to expect.

xx

harasas

Thanks emsbet and teamlowe, I have told a really good friend about it and she is going to pick me up, but I don't want to be a bother and see if she will stay. But after reading everyone's experiences I think will need someone with me. I just really can't wait for this to be over.

skintchick

For me, I was happy to wait till the baby was ready to be born. I felt that carrying and delivering my baby was the last thing I could ever do for it as its mummy, and I wanted to do that. My research seemed to show that up to 6 weeks after the baby had died (not from when you are told it has) was around the maximum time youd have to wait. I waited two and half weeks from when the baby had died, but it was only a few days from the scan where we found that out.

Some women can't bear the thought of carrying their baby once its died, but for me it felt natural and I was fine with it.

Letting it happen naturally also removes all doubts (not matter how irrational) that the baby might still be alive when you decide to have surgical or medical management.

I have never agreed with the 'bad period' thing - all three of mine have been very painful and I've had to stay in bed for up to a week. I also bleed heavily for a good three days or so, and continue to bleed for a total of around 2 weeks usually.

With my first mc I bled for 2 weeks and went back to work after 3 weeks. That was when I began to feel normal again. This time, as it's my third, I am feeling more normal now, which is 11 days after I passed my baby.

As for 'those comments' as i've been through this a few times I now tell people off! Last time FIL said 'maybe you just can;t carry boys and I was so horrified I couldn't speak! If people say stuff like 'oh it was for hte best' I'd reply along the lines of ' maybe, but it was still my baby and I still loved and wanted it very much'. But people just don't know what to say really, they find it hard.

I think the first mc is always a huge shock, and especially if you don;t have any children at that point. It isn't much easier now I'm a mum, but at least I do have my DD, whereas with my first mc I was very worried I'd never be able to have children.

Now I worry I won;t be able to have any more, but i do try to remind myself that I am lucky to have one, at least.

Nicki

Baby and Bump miscarriage support has a whole thread of awful comments which have been made to women in the immediate aftermath of a miscarriage. Some of them are jaw dropping! Ive had some corkers in my time too. This time round the two worst, were my obstetrician (who has delivered all my babies and who we went to with this miscarriage) who announced it wouldnt be the end of the world if we never had another baby, and the lady who posted her BFP announcement on a day a few of us on ttc were discussing how down we were in the first couple of weeks after our losses, with the immortal words that as a scientist she was worried her body wouldn't provide "a good enough home" for her baby to want to stick in it :eek: I know everyone gets excited about pregnancies and likes to find cutesy ways to announce it, but that one really really sent me to the edge of sanity for several days afterwards.

SusanC_2

My earlier miscarriages only online friends knew about but the one at five months everyone had known I was pregnant since early on because I was so ill throughout pregnancy and barely anyone in real life has mentioned it to me so I haven't had any upsetting direct comments. I did have someone say in a group conversation a few weeks ago how terrible pregnancy is and then followed it up by stating that it doesn't matter once your baby is in your arms and that after a couple of weeks you wish you could send it back. As it wasn't the first time she'd said something that upset me, I e-mailed her and explained why it was so upsetting and she replied apologising and said that she had decided that to avoid upsetting me in future we should not meet up anymore. I'm not quite sure how that achieves the aim of not upsetting me.