Miscarriage support

SusanC_2

Cullumpster wrote: »

thanks skintchick, I think it's the unknown tbat scares me the most, the doctor was very nice but it was very clinical, this is the options yoi have to get rid of the "product of conception" :eek: I gave her such a look when she said that, after that everything was such a blur, I don't even know when my baby died they didn't tell me, all I know is when I had a scan at 6 weeks it was there and we could see the heartbeat and then at wk 10 it wa sn't. so I don't even know what.i'm supposed to be looking for, a small clot, a large one? i've been googling which isn't good really.

That is terrible. If you feel up to it afterwards (and I can totally understand you might not feel up to it), it is worth writing a complaint about your treatment. I did after my first miscarriage and they looked into my complaint in a lot of detail and agreed with almost everything I said and said they would make some of the changes I suggested.

Cullumpster wrote: »

my moods are a bit.strange as well, fine for a whole and tgen get all teary not really cried properly yet si i'm expecting it to hit soon, also reading the maternity thing from work i'm only eligable for 3days off as it.was before 24 wks so just classed as normal sickness, don't think I can facd going back after 3 days especially if nothing has happened yet.

You are entitled to as long off work as you need - your GP should sign you off for however long is necessary.

Cullumpster wrote: »

thanks for that skintchick, I think I will maybe give it till friday to see if anything happens and then book myself in to the hospital. My hubby doesn't understand, keeps saying if it was him he would just want.it oht! I don't really know what i'm doing just carrying on with normal hings washing etc but feel weird doing it.

I think it's just that different people prefer to do things differently. I waited almost two weeks from my last scan to when my daughter was born and my husband said that when he told people that I was waiting for her to be born, they were shocked and thought it was terrible that I had to wait and he had to explain that it was actually my choice. It was a hard two weeks but if I the same thing happened again I would certainly make the same choice.

Cullumpster wrote: »

can I just ask if you don't mind, how long did it take for you to get back to 'normal' after your first mc how long was it till you just went back to work and had a laugh with your friends etc, at the minute i'm ok for a while and then start filling up thinking about it. Especially after the doctor said 'ok then give us a call if you need anything, have a nice weekend' :eek:

I'd say I felt *almost* normal after about two weeks (but I'd started spotting a week before MC was confirmed as the first scan showed everything was fine so I'd also had a whole week thinking about it before then) but I think it really depends on you and your circumstances. For me having had that week beforehand meant I was more prepared for it emotionally when it was confirmed (and had had time to read up about it) and as I had conceived straight away twice and I knew that having had one miscarriage doesn't significantly affect your chances of a successful pregnancy I didn't expect it would take a long time for me to have another baby. (Sadly I was wrong but I didn't know that at the time.)

mishkanorman

Cullumpster wrote: »

thanks mishkanorman, yeah I'm hating the way people are giving me THAT look as soon as they see me they look uncomfortable, I just want them to aknowledge the fact that it has happened but I swear if I hear, it was for the best / right reason / could have been worse / hou can try again i'm going to scream, I know they are trying to help but it's as if I've dropped something in the floor or something, my mum said oh dear never mind eh !!

Yep, had all those stupid comments too, most of which were combined with the head tilt and arm rub :mad:

harasas

Hi, I hope no one minds if a I ask for some more advice. I have been in touch with the hospital again and I have got to for the d and c on thursday. They said it is done under a general anaesthetic and procedure itself only takes about 20 minutes. I have had general anaesthetics before so not too worried about that but can I anyone tell what to expect. Will I be a lot of pain afterwards and is there a lot of bleeding. I suppose each person varies but getting anyone's experience would help, I think.
Also I didn't really ask, do they insist someone picks you up, obviously I won't be able to drive. Someone can pick me up but I will have to make my own way there. I have made it difficult for myself but I don't really want to tell anyone about it.
Thanks again in advance

Cullumpster

hi harrass, can't help i'm afraid but was wondering the same thing myself.

Cullumpster

not looking forward to the 5th.december, that was supposed to be my dating scan 12wks, doctor said that I had to wait.2 wks anyway so we may as well use that appointment to scan you and see if 'there is anything left' !! who are these people I know it's their job and they must see/do it every day but it's my baby that has died not joe bloggs it is not.a failed pregnancy I am not a failure they have no tact at all.

whowants2brich

harasas, most hospitals won't start any procedure involving a general unless they are 100% happy that someone will take you home, and be with you for 24 hours after the operation. I think it's mainly because you're not allowed to cook, use hot items (eg kettle), and loads of things are much more challenging. And yes, you won't be driving home. When my DW had this, she was even told that she was not allowed to walk to the car park, that a car had to come to the front entrance and pick her up, because walking is that challenging.

When my DW had a D&C last year, her mum came down, I guess something about female safety etc. It wasn't pretty, lots of pain and moaning for a good few days after the procedure, but after a while, it stopped, we put the scenario behind us, had a check-up a few months later and saw no scarring or problems, and my DW is now pregnant all over again...

Good luck, take your time, and remember: every individual reacts differently to these procedures, mentally and physically, so take guidance as just that, and if you are in any way worried, call your GP or the hospital and I'm sure that someone will be able to see you, check everything's ok, and put your mind at ease. It's not a pretty procedure, but at least it will put the mc behind you and help you to come to terms with what's happened and move on, so to speak.

Nephthys

FIrst of all, I'm so sorry for anyone who has had a recent loss - my thoughts and prayers are with you. I had a missed miscarriage 2 years ago. I thought I was 9 weeks when I had a loss of symptoms. In my case (but not all I hasten to add) it meant that my pregnancy had ended. I had a blighted ovum and my body should have ended the pregnancy at an early stage - it didn't.

The doctor wanted me to have a D&C there and then but I refused. I went home and then rang back and asked for a repeat scan a week later. A week later showed the same thing but I needed that scan to be absolutely sure there was no hope. Again i couldn't make a decision on medical management, natural or D&C.

I ended up making my choice based on the fact that my body had not miscarried on its own and apparently was showing absolutely no sign of doing so therefore my risk of infection had increased. I debated it over the weekend with my husband and opted for the D&C as I had no idea how bad it could be at 9/10 weeks gestation (there may have been no baby there at the scan but everything else had developed correctly).

I took the tablets that morning at 6am and was at the hospital by 8. I had the operation at about 12 and was released home about 2pm I think. My DH was with me as I was not allowed to drive home on my own. Good job too as I needed the moral support frankly. I was sleepy that afternoon as a result of the anaesthetic but the pain (for me personally - everyone is different) was like a normal period and I bled for about 5-6 days. On day 5 I had a massive gush of blood which worried me somewhat but after that I actually felt much better and the bleeding stopped within a day of that. It was obviosuly something my body had to do to cleanse itself.

I will never know if a baby was ever there or not but that doesn't chnage the hormones or the dreams I had. Those were taken away and it was a bit of a wrench. I also had all the comments which in my case included the "but there was never a baby in the first place so why does it matter" . That hurt a lot and it has taken me time to accept why it was said. For me and my DH there WAS a baby there regardless of what anyone says and we mourned that loss. We finally accepted that our baby hadn't been right for this earth and God took her back to heaven (still convinced it was a girl). We have found that comforting but everyone deals with things in their own way and no one way is correct or incorrect. You find your own path.

However, there was a bright side to this story - After the op I waited for my first AF. It arrived 4 weeks later and 4 weeks after that I got a positive pregancy test. I now have a 1 year old son who is the light of our lives. I didn't stop stressing the whole way though the pregnancy and I am grateful every day that we have him.

I hope that everyone here finds the strength to get through this. Take care of yourselves.

harasas

Whowants2birch, thank you for your quick reply and advice and congrats on the pregnancy, I hope everything goes ok.
What I am worried about is someone having to stay with me after, like I said I can get picked up but then I would be going home by myself. It's sounds awful but I was going to just tell the hospital that somebody would be with me that night but after what you have said, the after effects sound pretty exhausting and debilitating
I don't like to moan but everything just seems so hard at the moment and this is makin it harder.
Thanks again everyone

TeamLowe

Everyone seems to think differently to me, but i preferred the doctors talking about 'the pregnancy' and being very clinical and cold, rather than 'the baby' when talking about how expel as i just couldn't cope with the thought that i wanted my baby out of me, felt totally and utterly wrong.
so i coped by disassociating the two things, the medical side and the loss the of the baby, by being 'practical' if you will.
My heartfelt condolences to all those having to make these terrible decisions. and terrible comments. no one knows what to say, even the nurse at the scan came out with the wonderful 'at least you know you can get pregnant' a sentence which should be banned completely
On a more positive note, my husband and i are 'not trying, not preventing' so i looked up statistics, and i know this won't help everyone, but the chances of two consecutive miscarriages is around 2.25%, so that makes my outlook more positive. just wish i didn't have PCOS ( x x

TeamLowe

Harasas, I would recommend having someone with you that first night, just in case as you never know how bad it's going to be. I had medical management and it was no worse painwise than a period for meand they'll probably give you some strong painkillers when you leave but everyone woman is different
xx