Miscarriage support

SusanC_2

harasas wrote: »

I'm a long term user but want to remain anon so created a new username for this.
Hi, sorry to jump in on the thread but you all seem so nice and helpful.
I am hoping someone will have some advice. I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago. Had a scan at the hospital, all seemed fine.
Been having stomach pain on and off since. Been to the doctors and got some painkillers which helped but in the last couple if days it's got worse.
I returned to the doctor today who sent me to the hospital for a scan. They said my hcg levels are still high and with the pain I am still experiencing I need a d and c.
I am really worried about this, is it normal to have one this long after miscarriage? Has anyone had this? It was quite a lot to take in and I'm not I got all the information.
Many thanks for any advice.

I'm so sorry for your loss which I imagine must be made worse by the physical side of things dragging on for so long. I couldn't tell you the figures but I don't think it's rare to have what is called an "incomplete" miscarriage and need a D&C afterwards. Some people opt for a D&C rather than natural or medical management because there is a chance you'll still need it anyway and I'm fairly sure one poster on here ended up having one three months later.

harasas

Thank you for your kind words, they have reassured me. Having read through this whole thread and have been overwhelmed by the help and support offered by everyone.

flutterby_lil

Hugs Harasas - I had a missed miscarriage in 2005, I waited for 2 weeks to miscarry naturally but it never happened, I had a D&C - I was put to sleep, it was an easy procedure with heavy period like pain after for a few days.

I think the D&C will help to bring closure and know the procedure has completed the mc.

Sorry you are going through this, it will get better, good luck.
x

skintchick

Oh gosh so many new faces on here, it is so sad Huge hugs to everyone.

If this will help here are my thoughts:

On telling younger children. My DD is 2, but with the understanding and verbal skills of a 5 year old. She knew I was pregnant, and was at the scan with us when we learned the baby had died, so we have just been honest with her. We told her the baby died, that mummy was ill (I did it at home) and sad and needed to rest. Over the last week she has asked questions like 'Where has the baby gonned?' and I have said the baby has gone to be with Jesus (we are religious and pray every day so she kind of gets that). She has asked when I'll be well, when I won;t be sad, etc., and Ive just answered simply. I personally think death is part of life and that there is no need to shield children, just be honest with them and keep it simple.

On what a mc is like: I have had three now, first baby was 6 weeks and came out at 6 weeks, second baby was 6 weeks came out at 11 weeks, and third baby was 10 weeks came out at 13 weeks. all of them have been horrendous, TBH. Nothing like a period, very heavy bleeding, lots of pain, huge clots and stuff coming out and bleeding for around 2 weeks. I have found that only codiene will help with the pain so I get a prescription from the Gp or the hospital can also do it. I have to use maternity pads for the first few days as there is too much blood for normal pads and I flood everywhere.

Where to do it: for me, home is the only option. I gave birth to DD at home and it's where I'm most comfortable. I also don;t like the risks associated with the ERPC (my hospital doesn;t do D&Cs and they have a really high risk of damaging your womb so you can;t have any more babies). Only you can decide what you want to do, it's such a personal decision.

As for how I'm doing, it has been a week and three days now. I'm still bleeding, still got pain and go back to the hospital tomorrow for my checkup. I do feel really ready to try again though, as does OH, so as soon as we are allowed (when bleeding stops) we are on it lol! That is how we got DD - conceived her within two weeks of my first mc ending, so I'm hoping it will work again.

Cullumpster

thanks skintchick, I think it's the unknown tbat scares me the most, the doctor was very nice but it was very clinical, this is the options yoi have to get rid of the "product of conception" :eek: I gave her such a look when she said that, after that everything was such a blur, I don't even know when my baby died they didn't tell me, all I know is when I had a scan at 6 weeks it was there and we could see the heartbeat and then at wk 10 it wa sn't. so I don't even know what.i'm supposed to be looking for, a small clot, a large one? i've been googling which isn't good really.

my moods are a bit.strange as well, fine for a whole and tgen get all teary not really cried properly yet si i'm expecting it to hit soon, also reading the maternity thing from work i'm only eligable for 3days off as it.was before 24 wks so just classed as normal sickness, don't think I can facd going back after 3 days especially if nothing has happened yet.

sorry if bad spelling etc, bloomin phone !!!

skintchick

Oh bless you. They are rubbish IMO. They should have told you how big the baby was measuring. And they are awful about not calling it a baby - I don't know why.

Your GP can sign you off, and most employers will let you have as long as you need if you tell them why you need it.

As for which option to go for, it really depends on how you feel. I personally wanted to be at home, to be in control of it, and to feel as normal as possible. I trust my body to birth my babies whether they are alive or dead, and I prefer to do things naturally, but that is me.

If you do it at home, and would like to try and see your baby (depending on how old it was you may not be able to) then you will need to ensure that you pass everything into a container of some sort each time so you can check. I didn;t do this the first time with this one cos my waters broke (I was 13 weeks baby was 10 weeks) and I sat on the loo and missed the baby.

Its not as grim as it sounds - I found it easier than the loo actually - you can just have a look then put it down the loo and flush. If you do see your baby you will have to decide what to do - I found out you can have them cremated but might not get any ashes, and you can bury them at home, no need to notify anyone.

There's no rush to decide - even if you start miscarrying maturally you can still go in for the ERPC if you decide you don't want to do it at home.

I hope that helps a bit - I'm happy to answer any questions you may have; I did a LOT of googling this time!

Cullumpster

thanks for that skintchick, I think I will maybe give it till friday to see if anything happens and then book myself in to the hospital. My hubby doesn't understand, keeps saying if it was him he would just want.it oht! I don't really know what i'm doing just carrying on with normal hings washing etc but feel weird doing it.
Got some strange pains on my right side this morning, not really bad but enough to take some paracetomol which is all we have in the house at the minute, no bleeding tho so not sure if anything is going to happen.

can I just ask if you don't mind, how long did it take for you to get back to 'normal' after your first mc how long was it till you just went back to work and had a laugh with your friends etc, at the minute i'm ok for a while and then start filling up thinking about it. Especially after the doctor said 'ok then give us a call if you need anything, have a nice weekend' :eek:

MoneySavingMamma

If it helps, I had contractions, then the baby came, that was at 10wks. It was obviously small, but i felt it come out.
Didn't catch it, but did try to look. After that the pains were lighter & bleeding carried on for a week or so.
That was March 19th, conceived again 1st week of April. Did go through an 'attempted miscarriage' or something like that with this one, basically I was bleeding, they told me I was losing him, but he had 'a heartbeat for now' (!) this went on for nearly a month before things looked OK.

Sending hugs to you all, I think about my 1st baby this year alot.

mishkanorman

Cullumpster wrote: »

thanks for that skintchick, I think I will maybe give it till friday to see if anything happens and then book myself in to the hospital. My hubby doesn't understand, keeps saying if it was him he would just want.it oht! I don't really know what i'm doing just carrying on with normal hings washing etc but feel weird doing it.
Got some strange pains on my right side this morning, not really bad but enough to take some paracetomol which is all we have in the house at the minute, no bleeding tho so not sure if anything is going to happen.

can I just ask if you don't mind, how long did it take for you to get back to 'normal' after your first mc how long was it till you just went back to work and had a laugh with your friends etc, at the minute i'm ok for a while and then start filling up thinking about it. Especially after the doctor said 'ok then give us a call if you need anything, have a nice weekend' :eek:

Firstly, sorry for your loss.

For me things arent "back to normal" and i cant see that they will ever be exactly as they were before. Its a life changing thing to go through and I believe you have to let it change you to help you to feel better.
I go out with friends and my routine is back to how it was but i view things slightly differently, my tolerance is less for unnecessary things and the important stuff is given more of my attention.

You are grieving for a loss and you cant ever really put a timescale on it, it effects us all in different ways. I will always have the sadness of what never was and what 'should' have been, there are lots of milestones to pass through before the daily reminders stop too. I dont have the emotions bubbling at the surface anymore so i am able to stop the tears when I want to, my loss was around 7 weeks ago now.

If I could go back and speak to myself I would tell me to take the time to be selfish about what happened, I was so busy trying to stop everyone around me feeling uncomfortable (some people couldnt even say the word 'baby' in my presence) that I didnt actually take stock of what we went through and acknowledge to myself how traumatic it was.

Take care x x

Cullumpster

thanks mishkanorman, yeah I'm hating the way people are giving me THAT look as soon as they see me they look uncomfortable, I just want them to aknowledge the fact that it has happened but I swear if I hear, it was for the best / right reason / could have been worse / hou can try again i'm going to scream, I know they are trying to help but it's as if I've dropped something in the floor or something, my mum said oh dear never mind eh !!