Miscarriage support

mishkanorman

Cullumpster,

Did you tell your son you were expecting ?

We told our 2 boys who are 6 and 8, i was 15 weeks when we had the assisted miscarriage so we had told them from quite early on (about 6 weeks?) that we were having a baby and it was something we all talked about lots - there was no way we couldnt tell them we wouldnt be having our baby after all.

they took it hard to start with, obviously, we all sat and had a good cry & then curled up on the sofa together to watch a film so we could all be close. After that initial day my youngest has asked about it twice now, just why, its not fair etc. and my eldest has told me how sad he was.

Personally it helped me that they knew, they didnt ask why I was crying or why I was sleeping/resting alot more and they were extra loving. I believe in shielding children from things normally but this will definately have an impact on our family and the baby I lost was their sister so why shouldnt they know about her ??

Each family is different and you will know what works best for yours,

Take care x x

pinkspiral1976

I decided on the home option. I was about 12 weeks along, but baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks. missed miscarriage, they said at the scan. I had no bleeding or anything for about a week. I went back to work. I still felt pregnant and thought maybe, just maybe there'd been a mistake. Then at work I began having the most painful contractions. I've never been in labour, but I imagine that's what it feels like. They were coming about every minute. I was expecting a lot of bleeding and pain but not this. It was very embarrassing being at work as I hadn't told anybody at work. My partner collected me and took me to hospital. They were useless and said that I could either go home and see it through or I could sit in the waiting room. As my partner couldn't go home with me I chose to stay in the waiting room. I honestly thought I was dying and didn't dare be at home on my own, but it was horrible going through that in such a public place. It lasted about 12 hours on and off. Lots of blood.

Cullumpster, I really feel for you and don't mean to worry or scare you. Just make sure that you are somewhere comfortable, with people who know the situation around you. Get some strong pain killers, lots of thick pads. Don't even dream of going to work or anything, even if you feel okay. If nothing's happened after a couple of days, I would consider the surgical method so you can get on with your grieving.

My thoughts are with youx

SusanC_2

Cullumpster wrote: »

knock knock, *peeps around the corner* am I allowed to come in please?
apologies in advance for.the terrible spelling and.paragraphing i'm on my phone and.bb it has a mind of it's own!

I started bleeding yesterday, only a bit when I wiped after a pee but it was bight red, it stopped after a while and then got a bit heavier abojt 10 o clock. I called the.midwife who told.me to.go.to.a&e as there were.no appoi.tments at tbe gp, was up.there all.day, had an internal.exam and then they eventully scanned me at 10 past 4 it was then they told.me that tbey couldn't find any sign of the babys heartbeat! I would have been 10 weeks today as.i got a congratulations message from my phone app! I have decided to take the home option but don't really know what to expect apart from the obvious bleeding and cramps, is it just like a heavy period?

Cullumpster I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it is something which can vary wildly - my MC at 7-8 weeks was just like a very heavy period and I had no pain at all but for some people it is more painful and more like being in labour.

SusanC_2

sexki11en wrote: »

Hey ladies. I'm posting here because I don't know where else to post. I don't seem to 'fit' anywhere else anymore.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my m/cand I thought I was doing OK for a while. I went back to work after 3 days (5 days if you include the weekend) which i'm convinced has helped. Whilst i'm at work I don't have time to think. Work know and have been so supportive (they knew about the IVF).

What i'm struggling with is the time at home in the evenings and at the weekend. I cry myself to sleep at night and mooch about all weekend with no purpose.

I don't have a child to console myslef, nor am I likely to have one of my own now and that's the struggle for me. I was given a glimmer of hope and it was snatched from me after 10 days. I dealt with all this a lot easier when I'd never been pregnant, it was easier. Now I've had a glimpse of my dream but it's gone. How do I deal with that?

Hubby was great for a while but in our counselling last week it came out that he didn't think of it as a baby. Not until he saw the proof (a scan) and we never got that far. To me, from the second we had those embryos implant, they were my babies. As soon as I saw that second line (the first i'd ever seen in my life) that was my baby. I was a mom. I had so many plans. Now that's all gone and I can't see a way forward.

Everyone thinks I should be over it by now but how can I get over the fact that I may never have a child of my own?

SK x

:grouphug: I do not think that you should be over it by now - not by a long way. The moment you find out you are pregnant your entire future life is changed and so to suddenly have that whipped away from you is very significant no matter whether you knew for a few days, a few weeks or a few months. To think that you now may never have a child of your own changes the whole course of your future life and nobody could reasonably expect you to come to terms with that within a few days.

SusanC_2

pinkspiral1976 wrote: »

My partner collected me and took me to hospital. They were useless and said that I could either go home and see it through or I could sit in the waiting room. As my partner couldn't go home with me I chose to stay in the waiting room. I honestly thought I was dying and didn't dare be at home on my own, but it was horrible going through that in such a public place. It lasted about 12 hours on and off. Lots of blood.

I am appalled that the hospital treated you so shockingly at such a difficult time. :mad:

SusanC_2

Cullumpster wrote: »

thank you rebekahr, don't really know what to do at the moment, my hubby has gone out to get some shopping and I have my ds here with me, am ok for a.while and then get really teary. haven't said anything to ds yet, not sure f he needs to know really, thinking of what to say to him.

(Hope it's okay that I've transferred this from the <12 weeks thread to reply here.)

Just telling you my experience in case it's useful. My daughter was ~3 1/2 when I had the first two miscarriages and as she didn't know about those pregnancies we didn't tell her. I did however tell her when the topic of babies came up not long afterwards that some babies go straight to heaven from their mummies tummies so that if it happened in the future and she did know about it then it would be something she was aware could happen and therefore less of a shock. I was very glad I'd done this as my next pregnancy did end at five months just before she turned four (I was very ill in that pregnancy so she'd known from four weeks). I'm pretty sure my current pregnancy is going to end fairly soon since I am not sick at all and knowing how devastated she would be I have not told her about the pregnancy. If she was older I might but at 4 1/2 knowing from experience how upset she would be I think it would be unfair to put her through additional distress. Although I do of course have the advantage (if you can call it that) that if she sees me crying she will just assume I am sad about the baby she knows about so I don't need an explanation.

Cullumpster

hi yes we had told our ds, at first he wasn't happy kept saying he didn't like babies and didn't want a brother or sister but recently he's started to touch and rub my belly. don't want to tell him the truth tho it's not fair he's only 5 bless him he wont understand.

SusanC_2

Cullumpster wrote: »

hi yes we had told our ds, at first he wasn't happy kept saying he didn't like babies and didn't want a brother or sister but recently he's started to touch and rub my belly. don't want to tell him the truth tho it's not fair he's only 5 bless him he wont understand.

All you can do is explain it as best you can and answer any questions he has as honestly as you are able to. My daughter's grief has been one of the hardest aspects of my last pregnancy loss but I think being as honest and open as we could has helped.

Cullumpster

he hasn't mentioned the baby for days now and booger me tonight he called me into the living room to watch an advert, thr pampers one singing happy birthday he had a big smile and said thats what your baby is going to look like.
I didn't know what to say I filled up and gave him a massive cuddle. :-(

harasas

I'm a long term user but want to remain anon so created a new username for this.
Hi, sorry to jump in on the thread but you all seem so nice and helpful.
I am hoping someone will have some advice. I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago. Had a scan at the hospital, all seemed fine.
Been having stomach pain on and off since. Been to the doctors and got some painkillers which helped but in the last couple if days it's got worse.
I returned to the doctor today who sent me to the hospital for a scan. They said my hcg levels are still high and with the pain I am still experiencing I need a d and c.
I am really worried about this, is it normal to have one this long after miscarriage? Has anyone had this? It was quite a lot to take in and I'm not I got all the information.
Many thanks for any advice.