Miscarriage support

portsmouthali

Thinking of you Skintchick, I'm glad you didn't have to wait too long. Have a peaceful weekend xxx

emsbet

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had wished Skintchick but I'm glad it has happened relatively quickly for you.

Take care of yourself this weekend, rest up and keep taking the painkillers. Also remember to keep your fluid intake up to replace that which you are losing.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

xx

sexki11en

Hey ladies. I'm posting here because I don't know where else to post. I don't seem to 'fit' anywhere else anymore.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my m/cand I thought I was doing OK for a while. I went back to work after 3 days (5 days if you include the weekend) which i'm convinced has helped. Whilst i'm at work I don't have time to think. Work know and have been so supportive (they knew about the IVF).

What i'm struggling with is the time at home in the evenings and at the weekend. I cry myself to sleep at night and mooch about all weekend with no purpose.

I don't have a child to console myslef, nor am I likely to have one of my own now and that's the struggle for me. I was given a glimmer of hope and it was snatched from me after 10 days. I dealt with all this a lot easier when I'd never been pregnant, it was easier. Now I've had a glimpse of my dream but it's gone. How do I deal with that?

Hubby was great for a while but in our counselling last week it came out that he didn't think of it as a baby. Not until he saw the proof (a scan) and we never got that far. To me, from the second we had those embryos implant, they were my babies. As soon as I saw that second line (the first i'd ever seen in my life) that was my baby. I was a mom. I had so many plans. Now that's all gone and I can't see a way forward.

Everyone thinks I should be over it by now but how can I get over the fact that I may never have a child of my own?

SK x

staffiecat

Hello SK,
I hope you don't mind me replying to you on here but I just wanted to say that I totally understand what you are going through.

I fell pregnant back in 09 for a very short period of time, probably only 8 days but to me I felt pregnant and I will never ever forget. I felt as though I was completely alone when I miscarried - DH didn't think of it as a baby either so to him there wasn't really any need for grieving. My family felt that I should be happy as it meant that I would definately now fall again (and of course its nearly 2012 and I haven't !). The worst though was my best friend who was also TTC who told me that I should simply put it out of my head and stop thinking about it, that i shouldn't torment myself by thinking of 'it' as a baby etc, instead i should behave as though it had never happened - to this day that still makes me feel so very sad.

All I can say to you is that grieving takes as much time as you need it too. Being at work is great because it gives you other things to focus on and as they say time is a great healer but you never forget and you still feel sad.

Please don't lose hope that you will one day have your baby. Try instead to take some time now to grieve for your loss, and take as much time as you need and then when you are ready gather that strength that you do have and start trying again.

I hope this helps you in some way, sending huge hugs to you,
xxxx

QQuaver

SK, I'm not religious in any way, but I believe my baby (had mc back in 2009 at 11 weeks, had 3 scans and saw heartbeat etc) was a baby, and to that baby, I am the only mum.

I was a mum and will always a mum to that baby.

I've named him Jason (in my mind, privately) and will always treasure the time I had with him. I was fortunate to be pg even for a little while, and I will never ever forget that.

After 2 years, I am no closer to being pg again, but I have to say time was a great healer. I found reading and posting on loads of online forums on mcs helped me, but other than that, nothing else:o
DH was no help, as with my siblings and my mum (who had mc).

Take care (((hugs))).

portsmouthali

SK, I'm so sorry xxxx All my losses have been babies to me, no matter how far along I've got (5 weeks through to 11 weeks) I always try not to plan ahead, but as soon as I see those 2 lines on an HPT I'm looking up due dates, wondering about names, buggies, clothes etc.

Men don't do this, and that's not a criticism, they just don't.

I'm 39 in a few months and am so conscious that time is running out for me. I truly believe I've left it too late and it really is a bitter pill to swallow

Metranil_Vavin

There is so very little anyone can say in these circumstances, which just makes the whole thing even more awful.
Nothing anyone said to me made any difference, and in most cases it just made me feel even lower.
SK there are no words anyone can give you to take the pain away. As Q says, time is the only thing that will begin to ease it.
It's bereavement at the end of the day, no matter what any man, Dr, 'helpful' friend tells you, and a death of any kind takes a lot of time to begin to heal.

My thoughts are with you.
x

Mrs_Boo_Boo

I too feel your pain sexki11en. I had a failed IVF and then the next year had 2 embryos implanted,but they didn't take. I was pregnant for 10 days with my twins.
Firstly it is still a loss and you will go through all the emotions. Really awful things like I had to drive past a school on the way to work,avoiding the baby isle at the supermarket or watching baby ads.
I turned into an evil bitter cow and didn't recognise myself. Anger against !!!!less parents (baby P case was in the news at the time) girls who get pregnant at the drop of a hat and people who struggle to get pregnant,but still do in the end.
Things will get a bit better over time so be prepared for a long haul. I saw a counsellor for 2 sessions,but she just helped me to decide not to go for any more IVF. I just couldn't cope with it emotionally. It was a real relief.
So be really kind to yourself and let your emotions go whatever they may be. If you have someone to talk to and let go then that helps. My cat has been a great help or 'fur baby' as someone else calls them.You will never get over it,but time will make it easier to cope with.
I am resigned to the fact that we will never be parents and am just getting back to planning for the future 2 years later.
Also don't underestimate how long it takes to recover from the IVF process, which dominated your life and the drugs in your body.
There is a web site called 'more to life' which my counsellor recommended,but you may not be ready for that yet.
Take it easy and take care.
xxx

Cullumpster

knock knock, *peeps around the corner* am I allowed to come in please?
apologies in advance for.the terrible spelling and.paragraphing i'm on my phone and.bb it has a mind of it's own!

I started bleeding yesterday, only a bit when I wiped after a pee but it was bight red, it stopped after a while and then got a bit heavier abojt 10 o clock. I called the.midwife who told.me to.go.to.a&e as there were.no appoi.tments at tbe gp, was up.there all.day, had an internal.exam and then they eventully scanned me at 10 past 4 it was then they told.me that tbey couldn't find any sign of the babys heartbeat! I would have been 10 weeks today as.i got a congratulations message from my phone app! I have decided to take the home option but don't really know what to expect apart from the obvious bleeding and cramps, is it just like a heavy period?

sexki11en

Cullumpster, so sorry to see you here.

I'm going to be absolutely no use at all to you and say everyone is different. I only bled for around 36 hours. It was mercifully short but with quite a lot of pain. I have a fantastic GP who called me and told me to prepare for a bad night. He warned there could be heavy bleeding and lots of extremely painful cramps. If I was having to change my pad more than every couple of hours to get myself to the hospital. All the stories I've read (and i've read a LOT) vary so much from person to person.

Take all the painkillers you safely can (NHS direct will be able to advise you on a good combination as we can't give medical advice here) and just be kind to yourself. I would also recommend resting. Your body is going through a hell of a time at the moment and will need to recover.

Keep posting here, the support is great.

SK x