Miscarriage support

portsmouthali

I completely understand the time limit thing, I'll be 39 in March so am really feeling the clock ticking. I tend to stay away from the ttc/pregnancy threads as they ALWAYS upset me (not anyone in particular BTW) . I've joined & left those threads so many time, it takes the pee!

It's very difficult when you feel like everyone expects you to be "over" it - I find the bad days creep up on you without warning. Nicki, your mc is so recent it is completely understandable that you feel this way. I hope you feel better soon xxxxx

Lauralou

Nicki - sorry to read that your having a bad day (hugs) With your mc having only recently happen bad days are more common then good days. As time goes on you will get better of course you still get bad days, your allowed to have bad days.

It's baby loss awareness day today - nicki maybe have a look online to see if anywhere is holding a memorial service. Last year i went to one and found it nice, we lite a candle and realised a balloon. Was a lovely service.

I feel awful that i'm starting to forgot due dates, i can remember a couple but i think when i got pg i decided not to work out when baby is due so i wouldn't find certain dates hard.

Metranil_Vavin

Hey laura..I was thinking about you today!
How is it all going with you? x

Candlewax

Hi, I've been really emotional since my mc a month ago. I was only just over 5 weeks pregnant, but it was my first pregnancy and I was so happy and excited. I just don't know what to do to feel better as i seem to be feeling worse. DH doesn't understand. I also found out that a friend of mine died a week ago and that has really affected me. My relationship with DH has suffered as he doesn't seem able to know what to say or do, and we only got married a few months ago. I just feel lost and lonely. Not many people knew we were ttc so don't know what has happened which makes it harder. I just feel like life is going on around me at the moment and I'm just about keeping up with it (eg work and not crying in public!) but most of the time I feel so flat.

emsbet

((hugs)) candlewax.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. Is there anyone else you can talk to other than your DH? A close friend maybe? When we had our first mc at 6 weeks we decided to tell our family and close friends and it really helped us and it also stopped some of those awkward "when are you going to have a baby" questions newly weds seem to get bombarded with!

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat or let off some steam.

xx

Candlewax

Hi emsbet. My sister and best friend know. although I didn't hear fron best friend for a couple of weeks after I told her. She texted saying she was sorry but "at least it happened early and you know you can get pregnant". Which of course is true but doesn't make it any easier. I saw her recently and she was a bit more sympathetic. My sister is good but I don't think people understand if they haven't been through it. It's also my fault as i'm not great at letting people know I need them. How are you emsbet?

emsbet

Some people just don't know what to say and end up saying something insensitive instead. My boss said something similar to me after the first mc.
It is difficult sometimes to speak to people and I found people a lot more sympathetic this time round as I was further on which to me seems strange as they were both my babies. It's the same with DH, this one has affected him a lot more. It's not because he didn't care for the first baby but with Alex he had more time to grow attached and saw my body start to change. But for you that baby was already there and you were already very attached. Take all the time you need to grieve.

I'm ok, thanks for asking. Good days and bad days. The last two days have been particularly bad but I'm just plodding through and hoping it gets better soon

xx

Candlewax

Thanks emsbet. I hope in time it gets better for you too x

emsbet

Thanks

xx

Nicki

Two bereavements in a month is very hard, and it is inevitable that you will grieve. At first it might seem like things will never get better and that you are sad, or angry, all the time but gradually you will have the odd good day, and over time you will notice that the good days outweigh the bad again.

I agree with emsbet that you should find a friend in real life who you can confide in. This is controversial but I also think if someone says something about your loss which is crass or insensitive or makes you feel bad, you should tell them. When this happens to us, often people do say the wrong thing over and over again without necessarily meaning to cause the pain they do. But how can we stop this happening if women in this situation don't ever feel they can speak up and say that there well meaning platitude has hurt rather than healed. I don't mean that you have to take everyone on if you don't feel that you can, but just that you shouldn't shy away from doing it. Anything you say cant possibly hurt the friend as much as they inadvertently hurt you after all, and for me at least taking some control of how these conversations develop is better than silently screaming inside!