Miscarriage support

SusanC_2

98jdougl wrote: »

Hi guys,
I had a m/c at the weekend, didn't know I was pregnant, had a suspicion because I was late and was going to be taking a test on the morning it happened
I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling but I can't help but feel that since I didn't know then it's not really a loss and I should be able to get over it. But keep crying with nothing to set it off

My second one I hadn't tested. In some ways I found it harder than the 8 weeks one as felt a bit like it shouldn't count because I didn't have "proof" and therefore I felt like I couldn't justify being upset but really it doesn't matter how far on you are or whether you have proof - if you know then it is real and it is a real loss and it is totally valid for you to be upset.

lemmings1986

Mokeyjen wrote: »

Hello...

Big hugs to everyone who has had to go through this... I have no idea how you must be feeling... But I know it is awful and my thoughts are with you all.

I myself haven't had a MC but a close friend of mine has recently and I was just wondering if you could give me some advice...

I really want to try and buy her something to show that I care and that I am here for her... Any ideas (am on a budget so nothing too expensiv if possible)

Sorry if this is insensitive or if you think this is a bad idea... All comments are welcome.

Thanks
Jen

xxx

hi monkey jen i am new to mse but couldnt read and run i just wanted to say give lots and lots hugs to your friend me and my partner have been trying for the last seven years and in 2009 i gt pregnant but sadly after 7 weeks had a m/c and had to have it removed i do know how your friends feeling it still hurts now but it does get better, one of my friends also had a m/c and he bought a little tree to plant in his garden which i thought was a lovely idea before you buy anything why dont you ask her if she would like to do something,plant something she might not want to at the minute or ever but as everyone is different at the time i was constantly thinking of ways to remember mine i was so worried id forget but you never do it stays wiv you forever the day the time what wore etc.i still havnt done anything i want a ornament maybe a lady with a child holding hands but havnt found anything good enough plus am not sure if i need anything.
or maybe just a friend when i had mine i didnt have any one to talk to my partner took it worst then me and had to have anti depressents and counciling so i never dare disscuss it with him i was his shoulder when he wanted to cry and didnt want to upset him i was upset to but swallowed it and left it in the pit of my stomach my family and friends live 30 miles away and we dont have a close relationship and all just a shoulder to cry on would of been nice which im sure your already doing i always try to be strong and possitive or even taking her out for the day for a meal etc if she isnt ready im sure shell tell you xxx

MoneySavingMamma

I need some reassurance on something, I'm interviewing candidates for a job that I will be directly supervising.
Today my interviewee began the interview by saying 'I'll be honest, I'm 10weeks pregnant, This job is temporary (its 6months) so would suit this'
My heart literally stopped, I tried to compose myself, but as I had to explain the job duties, it included showing her some of the work areas. She then said that she's showing already & rubbed her little bump.
She was nice & seemed able (I'v only interviewed one other, but have 5-10 more to interview) but I just cannot give her the job. It would kill me to work with someone so close to how pregnant I should be, everyone at work knows what happened, the looks of pity etc. But I feel like a complete !!!!!.

I know others on here have people at work pg, but if you had the choice, would you have chosen them to not work with you?

Its now haunting me

lemmings1986

MoneySavingMamma wrote: »

I need some reassurance on something, I'm interviewing candidates for a job that I will be directly supervising.
Today my interviewee began the interview by saying 'I'll be honest, I'm 10weeks pregnant, This job is temporary (its 6months) so would suit this'
My heart literally stopped, I tried to compose myself, but as I had to explain the job duties, it included showing her some of the work areas. She then said that she's showing already & rubbed her little bump.
She was nice & seemed able (I'v only interviewed one other, but have 5-10 more to interview) but I just cannot give her the job. It would kill me to work with someone so close to how pregnant I should be, everyone at work knows what happened, the looks of pity etc. But I feel like a complete !!!!!.

I know others on here have people at work pg, but if you had the choice, would you have chosen them to not work with you?

Its now haunting me

hi money saving mamma
i work in retail and worked on grocery department and got a job as teamleader on checkouts at the time a lady i worked with was on maternity leave with her 10 child and whilst on maternity leave got pregnant again which i didnt know until she came back and she was sat in the staffroom telling everyone i too didnt know what to do i could of cried i wanted to congratulate her but at the same time say why are you pregnant again what about me ,i have now come to realise if i cant get preganat naturally we may have to try other things sorry rammbling anyway since i have been working with her i finally plucked up the courage to speak to her about it well on so many levels i did we had some new baby clothes arrive at work they were so pretty so i went and showed her i think it was my way of saying yes i know your pregnant.i dont even know whether shes having a boy or a girl just couldnt bring myself to ask i know it sounds awful everytime i see sombody pregnant i think what about me i know it sounds selfish but i carnt help it even now nearly 2 years on,at 1st i really struggled to speak to her incase she said anything about me so i just didnt say anything, if you have some more people to interview there might be someone better who has more experience etc but if you think she is right for the job you need to ask yourself can you work along side her on a daily basis?? you need to dig deep and i hope you find peace in whichether decision you make xx sorry for spelling

lemmings1986

lemmings1986 wrote: »

hi money saving mamma
i work in retail and worked on grocery department and got a job as teamleader on checkouts at the time a lady i worked with was on maternity leave with her 10 child and whilst on maternity leave got pregnant again which i didnt know until she came back and she was sat in the staffroom telling everyone i too didnt know what to do i could of cried i wanted to congratulate her but at the same time say why are you pregnant again what about me ,i have now come to realise if i cant get preganat naturally we may have to try other things sorry rammbling anyway since i have been working with her i finally plucked up the courage to speak to her about it well on so many levels i did we had some new baby clothes arrive at work they were so pretty so i went and showed her i think it was my way of saying yes i know your pregnant.i dont even know whether shes having a boy or a girl just couldnt bring myself to ask i know it sounds awful everytime i see sombody pregnant i think what about me i know it sounds selfish but i carnt help it even now nearly 2 years on,at 1st i really struggled to speak to her incase she said anything about me so i just didnt say anything, if you have some more people to interview there might be someone better who has more experience etc but if you think she is right for the job you need to ask yourself can you work along side her on a daily basis?? you need to dig deep and i hope you find peace in whichether decision you make xx sorry for spelling

also lots of hugs xx

Ginger_Poodle

I am not sure if this will be of any help to anyone, but wanted to share my story. We decided to try for a baby after my mum died. In the following 12 months, I had 3 miscarriages. The first was silent (the doctor's term for it), and only picked up at our 12 week scan. Had an operation after that. The second and third ended naturally, each at about 6-7 weeks.

I guess like many, we went for tests after the third. They didn't find anything wrong, but my specialist was trialling a new treatment for unexplained miscarriages. This involved treating assumed thick/sticky blood once I was pregnant again. An injection every day in my tummy was far from fun and, to be honest, the whole pregnancy was hell. Every day, every pain was another miscarriage in my head. But happily it wasn't.

My dream girl is 3 years old now. Because of everything that happened, she will never have a brother or sister. But she has made our lives complete. This may be a contentious thing to say here but she is (more than) worth what we went through.

With all my heart, I hope that everyone can find the peace that they need and deserve. I also hope that you can find the help and support that we all need at times like these.

As I said at the beginning, I am not sure this will help anyone. Indeed, some people may object to my opinions. It has helped me to say it, though...

Love to all x

kate6000

Hi,
I'm hoping somebody could shed light on my situation.

I found out I was pregnant but later the same week started bleeding. I have been bleeding for 5 weeks (one week like a normal period the rest very light spotting) and the hospital said I had naturally miscarried. As I was still getting positive tests last week they called me back and had an internal scan.

The consultant said I had an ectopic pregnancy as they could see a mass in my tube. They took blood samples and told me to come back the next day to get the injection.

Later that day they phoned and said my hcg was actually very low (22) so they wanted to wait until today and give me another test, if it reduced adequately I wouldn't need any intervention.

Today I went back and my hcg was 12. I spoke to the consultant (a different one to Wednesday) who said as I was so low it wasn't ectopic

So my question is, would an ectopic looking mass be able to be seen on a TV ultrasound with a hcg so low?????

I'm going back on sunday for more tests where I will talk this through again but wanted to try and understand before then as these consultants seem to assume I should understand this whole situation

Thanks
K

portsmouthali

Hi Kate,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid I don't have any experience of ectopic pregnancy, hopefully someone will come along and be able to offer some advice. Good luck for Sunday, let us know how it goes xx

Ginger Poodle, thanks for sharing your experience. It's totally what I need to hear as I do wonder if every pregnancy I have will end the same way xx

98jdougl, so sorry you've gone through this. As Susan said, a loss is a loss and crying is healthy and normal. You will feel better as time passes, I promise xx Do you know how many weeks pregnant you were? My earliest loss was 5 weeks and I had very little pain with that one, just like slightly worse than normal period pain.

MSM I would totally not employ that lady!! You really need to be selfish on this one and don't feel guilty. My situation with my pregnant colleagues is slightly different as I have worked with both of them for around 4 years, they are friends as well as colleagues and they know my situation so are very sensitive to it. They've been through the losses with me really. Just my opinion though

I had a "moment" this morning in Waitrose, saw a very new baby girl being carried by her dad. I noticed my OH looking and the look on his face was heartbreaking. I was so choked up and really felt for him These moments are thankfully happening less & less now xxx

Moneysavingmama

I have just found this thread while searching the internet for something I can relate to about miscarriage. Having seen my baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks, I started bleeding at 9 (last weekend) and had a scan which showed no heartbeat. 4 days ago I miscarried. I am absolutely devastated but no one seems to understand, except those who've been through it. I have 3 beautiful children and everyone keeps saying just look at them. I know they mean well but it's as if they are saying this baby didn't count. It did and only now do I realise how much. I am still in a lot of pain (is this normal?) although a scan showed everything had come away except a few small bits which would come away themselves in time.

Reading some of the recent comments I saw another MoneySavingMama which just made me cry some more - I don't even know why. I guess it's just good to relate to someone and I feel even more related to you!

I am so sorry for all your stories, especially those who've been through this more than once. I just never understood how devastating it is.

BTW, to those who've asked about cards/gifts, for me personally I have really appreciated anything as it felt like it was validating my baby's (short) life, where miscarriage is so often viewed as just a medical situation.

portsmouthali

I shall call you MSMmk2 xx I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so awful seeing that scan screen with no heartbeat what really got to me & my OH is seeing the baby lying so still - I still remember my son's first scan and he was bouncing all over the place. The contrast was heartbreaking. I hope you find this thread helpful during this difficult time. Have a read back if you can, you'll find there are plenty of us who sadly know just how you feel. I think you're right when you say that people who haven't been there just don't get how devastating it is, I know I didn't before it happened to me.

I never had much pain once everything had come away, but if there are a few bits left it may be your body just trying to get those out. If the pain carries on for more that a couple of days I would ring your GP or the hospital where you have your scan xxxx