Miscarriage support

portsmouthali

Well I am back here again from the less than 12 weeks thread Went for 12 week scan today to find no heartbeat. Baby died at 9 weeks. It was so sad to see it lying there so still on the screen

Got to go to EPAU tomorrow morning to see if I need erpc. Can't face doing this one naturally, so am hoping they agree to it.

We're going to ask for tests as I've now had 3, but I'm a but worried as time is not on my side. I know we may not find out why but it's worth a try I think.

RedwoodBrook

tiny_tear wrote: »

Hello
I just found the relevant email in my inbox
They suggested me to join this:

"You may also be interested to know that you can contact the Baby Mail Preference Service online to be removed from other baby related databases: www.mpsonline.org.uk/bmpsr/ "

I didn't do it as I hadn't joined many lists, but maybe it would be good for you to join it?

Maybe this link will be handy for other people here as well

Oh I wish I had know about this. Im currently pregnant again so it doesn't bother me as much as it used to but i'm sure this will be useful for so many other people.

Thank you for posting

RedwoodBrook

portsmouthali wrote: »

It was so sad to see it lying there so still on the screen

I know exactly how you feel. Well, actually I dont. I couldn't face looking at the screen when I knew Felix had died, but my OH did. I will never forget the howl he let out

I was in the same room I had been exactly 3 weeks before when I saw him alive. I even saw him swallow. Oh man im crying just thinking about it.

Big hug for you

MoneySavingMamma

So sad for Hula &P-Ali.
I never knew much about mc before, I knew my mum had one, but jesus, I had no bloody clue how common they are!!! So many of us have dropped off the <12weeks thread.
I'm shocked & upset by it, and don't know how I feel about TTC.

Also the few people I have told (close family, sons teacher) the ones who have had the same are so flippant, oh yeah, been there, scrape etc. Do they not remember how much it hurts & how empty you feel?

Does anyone still have a bump? Does it go down? Or is it fat now & only diet will work?

I pop it out & rub it still

OH has completely forgotten about the whole thing. All I've had is cuddle when I came back from scan (which I went to on my own, even though it was to check if what we thought was happening, was happening!)

I'm trying my best to go to work, get a dinner on the table (I was moaned at tonight, why have you given me a steak with all this fat on!) Am I supposed to be back to normal already? It's been 1 weeks since mc started!

pigpen

MoneySavingMamma wrote: »

Also the few people I have told (close family, sons teacher) the ones who have had the same are so flippant, oh yeah, been there, scrape etc. Do they not remember how much it hurts & how empty you feel?

Does anyone still have a bump? Does it go down? Or is it fat now & only diet will work?

Mine took a week or 2 to go down each time, but it does.

In truth.. the first is hardest, I found.. after that I kind of expected it and waited for it to happen. By the time I got to number 7 it was just another hospital appointment to fit in my schedule and I was actually annoyed it disrupted my plans that day. I was shopping in B&Q on the way back from hospital.. I cried because I was angry it interfered with my plans. The first I cried for a whole day and was sad for about a week.. my mother being a loving sympathetic sort told me I was pathetic for being sad that 1 day.. (I did reply she was to go f*** herself)

The knicker twitching all through every pregnancy after the first and my total detachment until it arrives safely are probably the results of having the m/c's..

I have to think hard about when they happened to remember months and years and due dates are forgotten before we get there.

It is hard but it is a part of life.

60 years ago they didn't do pregnancy tests, the mums usually had a docs appt at around 3 months and went from there, early m/c's were just late periods, in a way it must have been easier.

MoneySavingMamma

Thanks PP.

If I do TTC, I don't think I'll do a test. Just ignore until at least 10weeks.
I just wouldn't want to drink, or take tablets (allergy, herbal sleepers, painkillers etc) if I was. But going without drink seems impossible right now.

1st pregnancy, I was on pill so had no idea till 8-10weeks, it was such a surprise, and a shock. Didn't know if I wanted it or not so sailed through.

This time knew from 2 weeks, was sure then confirmed at 4-6. Can't see myself ever babydancing again though! Starting to think OH is a load of rubbish & I'd be better without!!

MERFE

portsmouth I'm so sorry for your loss, really hope you get some answers xxx

Pigpen not sure it'd make it easier not having pregnancy test - you'd still know, I've always known when I was pregnant plus there is the incredible passing out pain I had with the first mc or the over a month of bleeding with the 2nd. Only my 3rd could have been described as a late period, nothing is ever easy.

My hubby was rubbish throughout all of my mc and not because he was suffering, he doesn't really get attached in the same way and that is why he was rubbish. The best support came from others who have also mc so understood more. Which is why this thread is so important x

msb5262

Hello people,
I couldn't agree more with Merfe's point about the importance of this thread.
Very sad to see the recent arrivals here. You are all in my thoughts.
Don't forget, you can always come here to vent or moan or grieve or ask about other people's experiences.
Love to all who need it
MsB

pigpen

MERFE wrote: »

portsmouth I'm so sorry for your loss, really hope you get some answers xxx

Pigpen not sure it'd make it easier not having pregnancy test - you'd still know, I've always known when I was pregnant plus there is the incredible passing out pain I had with the first mc or the over a month of bleeding with the 2nd. Only my 3rd could have been described as a late period, nothing is ever easy.

I had ERPC's with 4 of my 7. 1 was nothing more than a 'late period (5-6wks), 1 was a sac about 1inch diameter passed.. barely any pain but a lot of blood, and the 3rd was like terrible loss wise but dealt with itself. my last ERPC was done after I had been bleeding 3 months.. that was messy.. not painful but constant..

I think in the past they were so uninformed it was not until someone else mentioned pregnancy they cottoned on.. I know for my nanna it was very much like that.

My hubby was rubbish throughout all of my mc and not because he was suffering, he doesn't really get attached in the same way and that is why he was rubbish. The best support came from others who have also mc so understood more. Which is why this thread is so important x

Is that not because for men it isn't real? They don't feel unwell, or tired or miss a period.. they see 2 lines on a test and then not.. it reall isn't the same. Their hormones aren't sent haywire, their bodies not invaded by goodness knows how many medical personel.. it is traumatic for us in every sense really.. and a lot of the time men don't know what to say so say nothing for fear of upsetting the mrs. They are in a lose lose situation.. This is how KH explained it to me.. but he could have been talking bollards and just wanting me to shut up and go away.

MERFE

It just shows the different experiences people can have, with my first I was in so much pain I kept passing out, but by the time we got to a and e I felt a bit better and 30 mins later passed a massive clot and was fine after that.

I think you are absolutely right regarding the husband that is how it is for them but at the time when your hormones are haywire its really hard to not be so angry with them for not feeling your pain.