Settling for Mr Second best.

SandC

See I've never come across anyone who has wanted a child so much that they'll do it without the father around from day one - ie. get pregnant by whatever means. I think there are less of them around than we think.

I honestly think there are many partnerships in existence because of a hankering for that perfect life. And just as many single parent families around because one or both parties have realised that the partnership thing is not the everything to them that they imagined it would be.

Who the !!!! is going to be buying this book anyway? Sounds like a load of old balls to me.

Lotus-eater

SandC wrote: »

Who the !!!! is going to be buying this book anyway? Sounds like a load of old balls to me.

I might buy it for someone I know

I would have to run and hide very very fast though :rotfl:

Hermia

mummy_Jay wrote: »

I think the urge to be settle is more about how you were brought up, I was a millitary brat, so I grew up with a strong independant woman as my mother as my father was never there (even though they were very happily married, his job meant he was away for years at a time). My mother has always joked this would probably the perfect type of relationship for me, one where I only see my partner for a couple of weeks a year, as she put its 'you get bored with man if they are around too much'

My aunt and uncle have been together 45 years and have never lived together. They can't think of anything worse! They just live around the corner from each other. They are both very independent people with their own interests so it really suits them. What's sweet about it is that they don't take each other for granted the way a lot of couples do. They still make the effort to look nice when they go around each other's house and still thank each other when one makes a meal for the other.

ceridwen

Hmmmm....personally....I'm still thanking heaven I dont want children in this debate. As I honestly do NOT feel its right to have children in any context other than "married and we've both decided to have one together". I think its HUGELY irresponsible to have a child in any other context - whether to do so as a deliberate single-parent family (ie single or only living-together) on the one hand or without the consent/active involvement of the father on the other hand. Children are meant ONLY to be born to TWO consenting/married to each other parents. I firmly believe that that is how its "meant to be". If things go wrong subsequently - well...thats what life has an awful tendency to do....but there absolutely MUST be marriage/consent by both people involved before a child comes onto the scene in the first place
(I say that as the child of two parents who were married to each other and are still all these - many - years later. Hence my reason for feeling so strongly about childrens rights - and putting them WAY above any single adults wishes.)

But - yep - I'm not surprised to see my point reinforced that women arent feeling quite such a strong "urge" to "settle" once they have a child anyway.

I wonder what men feel about this??????

kimmee

I married Mr Second Best (or was he Mr Safe?) and regretted it for years (tho if I hadn't would not have my two DS and would not be without them for anything). Divorced for the last 7 years.

Thought I'd found my Mr Right, but I wasn't his Mrs Right and now I'm on my own but no matter how lonely I am right now, nothing would induce me to settle for second best again.

Hermia

ceridwen wrote: »

But - yep - I'm not surprised to see my point reinforced that women arent feeling quite such a strong "urge" to "settle" once they have a child anyway.

I wonder what men feel about this??????

I studied sociology at university and we did a module on various aspects of gender. We had quite a few mature female students with kids on the course. I remember one of them was talking about how she lost all interest in her husband when she had her kids. She said she had always wanted to get married, but when she had kids she realised the urge was actually to have children and once that urge has been fulfilled her husband almost became an encumbrance! I then remember that a worrying number of the other mums in the room started nodding away in agreement. It was quite a shock to us naive youngsters!

MrsTinks

Interesting... I know a lot of men who have been on the recieving end. As soon as the women had the kids they wanted and husband earnt enough they demanded a divorce with nice settlements. I saw the pain and hurt it caused the blokes and thought it was awful that women could do this to them...
I decided I'd never do that and I know that no matter what happens I married because I love the daft sod, we both wanted children and we both wanted to wait till we were married.
He couldn't be a better dad to our DD and although he's certainly not perfect then he'll do me till Christian Bale sees sense and whisks me away Wonder if the stalking is getting to him yet? Hmmmm
Same as I'd understand if husband left me for Anastacia I'm not saying I'd be happy about it but heck wouldn't that be a story to sell to the papers! :rotfl: "My husband left me for Anastacia - Exclusive!" :rotfl:

Ms_Piggy_2

ManOnTheMoon wrote: »

I never married either of the mothers of my girls, just because something was nagging me and I was proven right.

I'm now with a young lady who is far more worth thinking about marrying, not that I have any intentions yet, it's too early.

Am I being desperately old fashioned? Would it not have been best to choose to have children with someone you wanted to be with? forever? Isn't having children FAR more of a commitment than marriage anyway??

Hermia

MrsTine wrote: »

Interesting... I know a lot of men who have been on the recieving end. As soon as the women had the kids they wanted and husband earnt enough they demanded a divorce with nice settlements. I saw the pain and hurt it caused the blokes and thought it was awful that women could do this to them...

The interesting thing about the woman on my course is that they weren't out to hurt their husbands at all and certainly weren't after the house or anything like that. They were genuinely shocked at their reaction. They thought they loved their husbands and wanted marriage and having kids really made them question that. I remember one of them saying that when she experienced maternal love she realised how shallow marital/romantic love was. One said her husband just seemed to have no purpose any more and she was very upset at her feelings and really tried to hide it from him. She said she felt like a nature documentary where the male animal does his duty and goes and the family becomes the female and kids!

Flearoy

I think there is no such thing as Mr or Mrs Right. There's definitely such a thing as Mr or Mrs. Completely Wrong though!