Settling for Mr Second best.

Gingham_Ribbon

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

He also said that until her saw her body, he didn't find her attractive. Ouch!

No he didn't say that.

Having said that, when I first saw her she was in a swimsuit

It makes me chuckle how easily things can be misinterpreted when there's no facial expression or body language to read!

Lotus-eater

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

Ivrytwr, he's saying that he DOES find her sexy/attractive. He's also saying that they're both aware that they wouldn't appear top of a world's most sexy list. That's more about what other people perceive to be attractive than what attracts them to each other.

Exactly.

I find my OH sexy in and out of a swimsuit, but I can understand what attracts me might not attract everyone, as someone else says, what I find attractive in women, not all men do. Thankgoodness

Funnily enough, I'm sure in the classic view, most of my previous GF's were better looking than the one I chose (for some reason, although I look like something off a medical drama gone wrong, I never seem to have had a problem getting good looking women...). But I didn't pick her just because of the way she looked, it was her SOH, her intelligence, the fact she has similar views to me, her attractiveness just comes along with the rest.

Funny, when I pursued her because I fancied her, I had no idea there was this wonderful person in there as well. At the end of 5 days when she finally gave in and kissed me, I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with <sniff>

SandC

Why is Mr Darcy referred to so often in this Mr Right stuff?

Anyway, I'm similar to Ceridwen and Hermia - there is no biological clock ticking and there is contentment with being alone and I too found that my onset into adulthood made me independent pretty much from the off. I suppose you get used to the norm for you and for me it's that partners come and go but I can always rely on myself.

My perfect? Who knows what that is but it probably differs from everyone elses. But for those of you who have posted and said their perfect differed from what they imagined - well I can go along with that. The key is ingrained beliefs, morals, outlook on life etc. You do have to find someone attractive in whatever way. But the core values matter the most. Just because I won't settle for good enough in these core values doesn't mean that I'm sitting here waiting for Mr Perfect.

If you have to go out buying those sorts of books then perhaps your problem is that you are erring on the side of desperate and that's why you are not meeting your match.

southoftheriver

I think it would be quite selfish to stay with someone who was my second best. I think they would deserve to be with someone who thought they were the best choice.

Maybe i'm naive.

daska

Hermia wrote: »

I have a friend who joined a dating agency. She has an IQ off the scale, a PhD in science, is hugely successful in her field, has lots of nerdy interests and is quite heavily involved in campaigning and politics. She was told that she would need to play all this down in her profile (or not mention it at all) and should try not to come across as too intelligent on any dates!

This thread has reminded me of that wonderful Richard Thompson song "Hots for the Smarts". It's such a shame he's never released it on an album that's easy to get hold of (it's on one miscellaneous album from a radio program in the states - I think!?)

Bethankim

I have enjoyed this thrwad, ti has distracted me from my nerves..

I have kissed a fair few frogs, some of whom i have spent a fair time with, but now back in the dating puddle..nearly 40 with everyone in my social circle married etc..do its the internet for me.

so far i have had 3 1st hello's cant call them dates 1 was not so much a frog as a toad, and 2 ive had the your lovely but..text - and 1 one of them we had so much in common but not attraction for him..oh and 1 date with an old friend but we have known each other too long and couldnt even kiss without falling about laughing so he is back on the strictly friends box...

so im having a read, in an hour im meeting a guy for coffee, we havent emailed loads, but he seems lovely..will there be a spark? if there is then fab, if we have a proper date even better.

I have a better idea of what im looking for after all those frogs, and its not about looks )although for me its in the eyes) if ther eis a hint of cheeky twinkle in them im a sucker...

so mr right, i have no idea, settling equally its not about that, its actually about liking someone enough to share your depest fears and lonest held dreams, and being the person you turn to first when you get scared about the world who will hold you til your ready toface it again.:D

Poodlecrazy

Well this is an intersting one.. I think it's a sign of the times to be honest. Gone are the days when we have to settle down through NEED and now we are all settling because we WANT to. My mother is very forward thinking for her generation yet she still says that she would not have gone to the pub on her own or would not have purchased drinks at the bar, cerrtainly not something I have a problem with!

I'm 29, I would say attractive (as do others) with a good career, nice house / car etc and a 6 year old who is lovely in every way. I don't NEED a man, I would quite like one but if the right one doesn't come along so be it. That makes me fussier than I would have been, I feel in a previous generation or if I was not as self sufficient. I do find; however that my tolerances are perhaps too low and I have a tendency to not work at relationships which I think is linked to the above statement and may well result in me stayign single for longer than necessary.

So no I don't think we are settling for Mr Good Enough, well I certainly am not. Not looking for perfection but he must add something to my life for me to accept him in which is hard when I've got all the 'traditiona' bread winning bases covered!

ceridwen

Hermia wrote: »

I am with you there. I have never wanted children and my parents taught me to look after myself and not assume there will always be someone else to lean on (I have friends who haven't bothered putting money in savings or a pension as they just assume they will have a bloke to look after them when they are old). I have a couple of friends who settled down for the first time in their 50s and are really happy. I am so glad I don't have a biological clock ticking away in my ear. I feel very sorry for women who want children and are running out of time. If you don't meet someone nice it must be hard contemplating your choices.

.

Well...maybe that is THE thing at the heart of us thinking in a very similar way - I guess my parents (and my father in particular) taught me to be pretty self-reliant as well. Hence I have always found it difficult to understand why so many people believe that "THEY" (whoever they might be will know best/look out for me/etc). I dont think it was out of being "harsh" in any way - just practical to look at things that way. They dont believe in harshness per se - and I admit to distinct amusement about a comment from my mother recently to effect "You are spoiling us:)".

I too feel sorry for women with biological timeclocks ticking away and have certainly noted one recently quite deliberately "settling for Mr Second Best" because that timeclock dictated she couldnt hold out for Mr Right any longer. Never mind the song "I predict a riot" - I "predict a divorce some years down the line"...

ceridwen

mummy_Jay wrote: »

And I have a male friend in London that would be shocked if she played all that down, as he's been searching for an intelligent woman just like her and gets really upset when intelligent ladies play dumb.
If she's not herself she'll never find the right person for her, she'll attract the sort of person that likes whats she's pretenting to be rather than her, its a receipe for disaster.

Do we have a match here?:) Oh c'mon just maybe we can play Cupid here and help 2 like minds meet up maybe?.....:)

Souk08

I'll stay single and keep things exciting if it's all the same to you, silly or not!