Settling for Mr Second best.

Ivrytwr3

gettingthereslowly wrote: »

I'm with Mr Right For ME!!! He's not everyones cup of tea meaning not the most attractive bloke in the room but I have always found that the more attractive are normally the most hard work and likely to stray.

Never judge a book by its cover or a person by their face!

Wow, what an awful thing to say or even THINK about your other half.

We've been together a fair few years now and i still think she's stunning.

Hermia

ceridwen wrote: »

It was easier for me than a lot - because I simply dont have the maternal gene and I'm determined enough a person that I thought I would manage to be able to buy a house anyway at some point.

I am with you there. I have never wanted children and my parents taught me to look after myself and not assume there will always be someone else to lean on (I have friends who haven't bothered putting money in savings or a pension as they just assume they will have a bloke to look after them when they are old). I have a couple of friends who settled down for the first time in their 50s and are really happy. I am so glad I don't have a biological clock ticking away in my ear. I feel very sorry for women who want children and are running out of time. If you don't meet someone nice it must be hard contemplating your choices.

ceridwen wrote: »

I also think that the more conventional a person is - then the easier it is for them to find a marriage partner. I'm a bit unconventional - therefore there are rather fewer men around for me to choose from than there would be for a more conventional woman.

I am euphemistically referred to as unconventional and eccentric by my friends so I know what you mean. I think a lot of men would consider me to be a total weirdo! I would rather be single than have to pretend to be normal though. I have a friend who joined a dating agency. She has an IQ off the scale, a PhD in science, is hugely successful in her field, has lots of nerdy interests and is quite heavily involved in campaigning and politics. She was told that she would need to play all this down in her profile (or not mention it at all) and should try not to come across as too intelligent on any dates!

ceridwen wrote: »

The other consideration is that I knew any partner of mine would have to take his fair share of responsibility for the housework (ie 50%) and was well aware that there were few men in my generation who would do this - and I simply wasnt prepared to try and "train" a man into doing his fair share of this OR put up with him not pulling his weight in that respect. I thought that men from the next generation down from mine might be fairer about this - but they would be too young for me....

Again, I know what you mean. It has never even occurred to me that possessing boobs and a womb means I have to do everything around the house! I don't automatically fall into the role of the housewife when in a relationship and a lot of blokes still seem taken aback by this. Sadly I do have friends who are a generation younger than me who are the main breadwinners and work long hours and yet their husbands still think the old rules apply in the home. They too do not see why they either have to do everything or have to attempt to "train" their man.

mummy_Jay

Hermia wrote: »

I have a friend who joined a dating agency. She has an IQ off the scale, a PhD in science, is hugely successful in her field, has lots of nerdy interests and is quite heavily involved in campaigning and politics. She was told that she would need to play all this down in her profile (or not mention it at all) and should try not to come across as too intelligent on any dates!

And I have a male friend in London that would be shocked if she played all that down, as he's been searching for an intelligent woman just like her and gets really upset when intelligent ladies play dumb.
If she's not herself she'll never find the right person for her, she'll attract the sort of person that likes whats she's pretenting to be rather than her, its a receipe for disaster.

Person_one

mummy_Jay wrote: »

And I have a male friend in London that would be shocked if she played all that down, as he's been searching for an intelligent woman just like her and gets really upset when intelligent ladies play dumb.
If she's not herself she'll never find the right person for her, she'll attract the sort of person that likes whats she's pretenting to be rather than her, its a receipe for disaster.

Exactly! I thought the point of internet dating was that you could be a bit more upfront and be the 'real you' sooner. I was clear about my nerdy tendencies and my friend stressed my 'strong mindedness and lots of opinions' (it was on mysinglefriend) because I wanted to meet someone who would want and appreciate those qualities! OH loves that I have intelligence and a mind of my own, why would I want to be in a relationship where I have to keep up an act all the time.

Lotus-eater

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

Wow, what an awful thing to say or even THINK about your other half.

We've been together a fair few years now and i still think she's stunning.

I don't agree with you at all. My OH isn't the best looking girl in the room and I know that, but then I'm not the best looking bloke either.
I don't think there is anything wrong with realising that.

Having said that, when I first saw her she was in a swimsuit (I then pursued her constantly for 5 days till she was mine ) , I was instantly in love and have been ever since.
I still like seeing her in a swimsuit

Oh btw, she also turned out to be very intelligent as well, which is a big turn on for me, I would definitely urge women not to play it down. Men who like dim women = men who have to feel superior.

briona

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I don't agree with you at all. My OH isn't the best looking girl in the room and I know that, but then I'm not the best looking bloke either.
I don't think there is anything wrong with realising that.

I'm afraid I agree with Ivrytwr – gettingthereslowly's post suggested she purposely CHOSE some unattractive because he was less hard work than someone "attractive". He might not be Brad Pitt but I would hope she finds him attractive and doesn't start conversations justifying her being with him by assuring everyone he is a "nice" person (despite his looks).

A person doesn't have to be the most attractive person in the world, but they do have to be attractive to you. If you would describe your partner as "unattractive" or even "ugly", I would respectfully suggest that they probably aren't the person for you.

Ivrytwr3

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I don't agree with you at all. My OH isn't the best looking girl in the room and I know that, but then I'm not the best looking bloke either. .

So ugly people should stick with ugly people?

So you don't find your OH attractive/sexy/stunning? How do you think she would feel if you ever told her that?

Gingham_Ribbon

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

So ugly people should stick with ugly people?

So you don't find your OH attractive/sexy/stunning? How do you think she would feel if you ever told her that?

It's not about that. He says he was instantly in love when he saw her. There's nothing wrong with saying your partner isn't the most beautiful woman in the room. It's just life. It doesn't matter any more than it matters if she's the best piano player or the most intelligent or the most generous. Looks are such a small part of what makes it work between 2 people. There has to be physical attraction, but that isn't about whether anyone else would give her a 10!

Also, he didn't say he didn't find her attractive/stunning. I'm no stunner. I know that I'm often the most overweight woman in the room, and sometimes the most dowdy. But I know that there's only 1 woman my husband is looking at.

Lotus-eater

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

So ugly people should stick with ugly people?

So you don't find your OH attractive/sexy/stunning? How do you think she would feel if you ever told her that?

I didn't say that and I didn't say that either.

People can go with anyone they want, I was just saying, that you can realise your OH (or you) isn't the best looking person in the world and still love and want them.
I don't need to tell her that, I know she's intelligent enough to realise that in the western worlds view, where we both are on the attractiveness scale.

Of course I find her attractive and sexy! I thought I said that. Well I said I like her in a swimsuit, which sort of says the same thing.


Funny isn't it, someone up there ^ says, fat balding men shouldn't always aim towards beautiful young women, yet when I say I realise that both me and my OH aren't good looking enough to have our own calendar (yet we love each other), that's suddenly wrong.

Hermia

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I didn't say that and I didn't say that either.

People can go with anyone they want, I was just saying, that you can realise your OH (or you) isn't the best looking person in the world and still love and want them.
I don't need to tell her that, I know she's intelligent to realise that in the western worlds view, where we both are on the attractiveness scale.

Of course I find her attractive and sexy! I thought I said that. Well I said I like her in a swimsuit, which sort of says the same thing.

I do know what you mean. I like nerdy guys and think the guys I have been out with have been gorgeous, but I am well aware that the rest of the world doesn't always agree with me!