Settling for Mr Second best.

Primrose

I think perhaps one needs to differentiate between "Mr. Right", and "Mr. Right for me" There are lots of prospective partners out there, male and female - who would be fine for other people but not the one who has to make the decision. None of us are perfect so when we chose somebody I think the personality priorities should be those which accord with you own. No point in picking the good looking guy if he's a total spendthrift and you are a person who's terrified of debt and very conscientious in the way you run your finances or you have polar opposite tendencies and habits which would drive each other crazy.

Personally I think a lifetime is far too long time to live with a miserable "second best" if that's the only option on offer, apart from living a fulfilled life as a single person. Every time something went wrong in the relationship your sense of settling for a partial failure would return to haunt you.

Mrs_P_Pincher

I knew what sort of man was right for me - at least 6'2", corporate type, high achiever, high salary, that sort of thing.

After going out with barristers and a man who had run BT's operation in S E Asia, I am now married to a full time student and part time massage therapist, musician and photographer, living in a two up two down and it works even though he has none of the attributes on my checklist.

He is a kind, supportive, intuitive, sensitive, helpful sort of chap and he's absolutely right for me, even though he's only 5'6".

Second best will always be second best, but first best may not be what you thought/wanted it to be.

Mrs P P

Tia_24

I met my other half at the age of 18 at Uni, I wasnt looking for a relationship and he wasnt my usual type. 7 and a bit years later, we're still together and just bought a house together. He's my best friend, totally wonderful and I'm so glad that he wasn't my usual type.

What we have works for both of us, we're perfect for each other and surely that's all that matters.

Hermia

I don't believe in Mr Right, but I do think there is Mr Right for me. There are some things I just wouldn't compromise on and others I don't care that much about. I am not sure there really is an epidemic of fussy unrealistic women walking round. Most of my friends are highly-educated, middle-class professionals (a group usually portrayed as being fussy) but none of them are expecting a man to be rich, handsome and perfect. What annoys me about these books is that they are always written by some woman who has some axe to grind about her own life and just assumes every other woman is the same. I don't notice these authors doing much serious objective sociological research to back up their claims. It's normal to have an opinion, but if you are going to publish a book please get some good quality statistics to prove your argument.

I do have friends who are finding it difficult to find a man, but it's often because men haven't quite come to terms with the gender roles now. I know so many women who work long hours, but have found that some men are still not prepared to do their share of their chores (not even the 'male' chores). These men would not want the woman to give up work though as they enjoy having a joint income. I think of lot of problems with both male and female expectations of the opposite sex is that we are partly hankering for the gender roles of the past, but still wanting the goods bits from the gender roles now. Hopefully, this will sort itself out in time!

larmy16

I suppose it is the same as some men who are not oil paintings themselves (bald and paunchy) who still expect to pull a Beyonce/Cheryl Tweedy/whoever type and would not consider a relationship with a more ordinary (but perfectly lovely) woman?

staceysteve

I'd never settle for Mr. Good Enough!! I totally agree that Mr. Perfect/ Mr. Right/ Mr. Darcy doesn't exist and I also think that I would end up not wanting Mr. Perfect if I found him. You only know you are on a high in your relationship if you have had a low and it's getting through the tough times, the arguments that make a relationship last forever.
I think I have come across a Mr. Perfect althought it was nothing too seriosu, he bought me gifts, took me out and paid for everything, his family had a lot of money and were lovely, and he was a really lovely guy who was totally devoted to me. Good looking, friends with all my friends and I couldn't stand him! Lol god knows why but it just didn't click!

My fiance isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, can really wind me up, we have different opinions on some parts of life, we don't like all the same things and we sure know how to argue but is my Mr. Right and I know that... I could probably be with Mr. Perfect right now but my life would be boring - I mean are you really happy if you're never sad??

When you are with your Mr. Right you know he is Mr. Right because of something completely untangible I can't put my finger on it and could never describe it but I know he is the one.

Never settle!

Errata

Mr Right is wonderful, but it's surprising how many Mr Right's turn into Mr Totally Wrong.

misgrace

I think it depends on what we are prepared to settle for, perhaps in some cases the clock is ticking and they think they better grab Mr second best, as Mr right cant be found.

I have been married twice, after I divorced the first time, I didnt settle with anyone for about 12 years, as my motto was, 'if I cant have cream, then I dont want skimmed milk', but down the line the 'cream' ends up going sour anyway. lol

busiscoming2

I wouldn't want Mr Right becaust hen he would be perfect and tick all the boxes. Where is the challenge in that? Nice for a while, but I'd get bored and probably wander off.

Souk08

I am happy being on my own and expect that I always will be and I can't understand anyone settling. I do see it all the time amongst friends of friends and it's obvious that this is what they have done. Their lives lack excitement but they think it's better than being alone. I disagree. I have a great life, lots of friends, a flat I love and am very close to my family and I also have lovers when I want them. That for me will always be more interesting and exciting than plodding along with Mr Safe. I don't want kids so there is no reason for me to ever be with anyone if I don't want to. It might be different if I did.