Settling for Mr Second best.

Rummer

I fell in love with my OH at first sight and there is no way I would settle for second best.

jennihen

My Mr Right was so wrong for me but is happily married to someone else now (she must be a saint!!) . I'm not worried about being on my own for now - too busy bringing up the children!!
I cringe when well-meaning friends ask me if I'm going to 'settle down' - When my kids leave home the last thing I'm planning on doing is settling down!! Mr Right is out there but I'm busy for now!

ragz_2

I totally agree there's no such thing as Mr Right, but think the Term Mr Good Enough is wrong.

There are a lot of people we could be with, there are a lot of people in the world and if there was only one for you then you'd be looking a long time!
There's a lot to be said for arranged marriages and the way our grandparents used to live... it takes a lot of hard work and compromise to make a marriage work.

My OH and I got together when I was 20, I stole him off his ex (not wanting anything serious!) and 3 weeks later found out I was pregnant. After several years of hard work and learning a lot about each other we are now more solidly married than a lot of other people I know!

ceridwen

Another vote for not "settling". You only have to look at the divorce rate to realise that a heck of a lot of people have "settled" and then couldnt take it any longer.

I've always felt scared that if I "settled" - that I would then meet my Mr Right subsequently and there would be a "heck of a mess" to sort out before I could get together with him. I just didnt think it fair - to either Mr Second Best or myself for me to marry a man if I knew he wasnt my Mr Right.

It was easier for me than a lot - because I simply dont have the maternal gene and I'm determined enough a person that I thought I would manage to be able to buy a house anyway at some point. So - two of the obvious reasons for settling for Mr Second Best just werent there - I didnt need a father for potential children I wanted and I had to develop a heck of a lot of patience and resourcefulness to be able to buy a house of my own on a poor salary. Sometimes I wonder if part of my Life Plan was precisely that - ie that I HAD to develop patience and resourcefulness and that simply wouldnt have happened if I had been with Mr Right and hadnt had to fight extremely hard to get a life/house together for myself.

I would have liked to meet Mr Right - and it certainly would have saved one heck of a lot of "fighting" to get my life sorted out all on my own - whew!:eek: However - I have always realised that marriage is hard work/about compromise/putting the other person first etc and I just knew that I wouldnt find the resolve to do all that unless I really loved the man I married and was sure he WAS Mr Right. I also knew I would never find the necessary "guts" etc to stay with a husband if things went wrong in his life UNLESS he was Mr Right - and was well aware from fairly early on just how many things CAN go wrong in peoples lives:eek:

I also think that the more conventional a person is - then the easier it is for them to find a marriage partner. I'm a bit unconventional - therefore there are rather fewer men around for me to choose from than there would be for a more conventional woman. I DO sometimes envy more conventional people than myself precisely for that reason...

The other consideration is that I knew any partner of mine would have to take his fair share of responsibility for the housework (ie 50%) and was well aware that there were few men in my generation who would do this - and I simply wasnt prepared to try and "train" a man into doing his fair share of this OR put up with him not pulling his weight in that respect. I thought that men from the next generation down from mine might be fairer about this - but they would be too young for me....

gettingthereslowly

I'm with Mr Right For ME!!! He's not everyones cup of tea meaning not the most attractive bloke in the room but I have always found that the more attractive are normally the most hard work and likely to stray.

After a few yrs of being with my now DH everyone within our group of friends always comments on how we are perfect for each other and also other women that know him complement me on him because he is a beautiful person.

Never judge a book by its cover or a person by their face!

jack*tigger

The best advice I heard on this subject was

Don't marry the one you can live with - marry the one you can't live without.

MrsTinks

I disagree I can live with my DH, I could also live without him. Because I love him but I am not infatuated with him. Been there, done that... trust me it DIDN'T work (spectacularly so...)
There is now only one person I can't live without... DD and I hope she never decides to divorce me

daska

I have a friend who gave up looking for Mr Right in favour of Mr Right Now. Problem is that Mr Right Now is only found when wearing beer goggles and Mr Right probably wouldn't take a second look while she's wearing them.

I'm now married to Mr Youhadmyphonenumbertwentyfiveyearsagowhydidntyouringitthen!

System

Its funny. I read in a magazine that there are soulmates and twin flames.
Soulmates are companions that help us grow as people. and twin flames are those who which we are just perfect with

ceridwen

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Its funny. I read in a magazine that there are soulmates and twin flames.
Soulmates are companions that help us grow as people. and twin flames are those who which we are just perfect with

I sometimes wonder if theres anything in that idea.

If there is - then I guess my parents are "soulmates" (there's certainly been some "growth" there alright...) and I have been/am looking for a "twin flame"