Settling for Mr Second best.

SandC

Poodlecrazy wrote: »

Well this is an intersting one.. I think it's a sign of the times to be honest. Gone are the days when we have to settle down through NEED and now we are all settling because we WANT to. My mother is very forward thinking for her generation yet she still says that she would not have gone to the pub on her own or would not have purchased drinks at the bar, cerrtainly not something I have a problem with!

I'm 29, I would say attractive (as do others) with a good career, nice house / car etc and a 6 year old who is lovely in every way. I don't NEED a man, I would quite like one but if the right one doesn't come along so be it. That makes me fussier than I would have been, I feel in a previous generation or if I was not as self sufficient. I do find; however that my tolerances are perhaps too low and I have a tendency to not work at relationships which I think is linked to the above statement and may well result in me stayign single for longer than necessary.

So no I don't think we are settling for Mr Good Enough, well I certainly am not. Not looking for perfection but he must add something to my life for me to accept him in which is hard when I've got all the 'traditiona' bread winning bases covered!

Just out of interest Poodle, do you think you would feel the same way if you didn't have your lovely daughter?

Lotus-eater

Angelic wrote: »

Sometimes having a partner is a must as it's hard to tie yourself up:D
Just kidding.

It must be easy to find someone to do that.
I'm guessing

Hermia

ceridwen wrote: »

Do we have a match here?:) Oh c'mon just maybe we can play Cupid here and help 2 like minds meet up maybe?.....:)

Ha! My friend did meet someone, although not via internet dating/the dating agency. He is a nice physics-loving geek who thinks intelligent women are very sexy indeed!

Dr.Rock

Angelic wrote: »

Most men don't like intelligent women , that is why so many intelligent women are single and are told to play their intelligence down. Sad but true.

That is sad and possibly quite misleading. I would much rather be with an intelligent woman than an airhead and I know lots of men who would. In fact I'm in love with a woman so intelligent she knows not to go out with me:(

mummy_Jay

SandC wrote: »

Just out of interest Poodle, do you think you would feel the same way if you didn't have your lovely daughter?

Sorry to but in here but I completely there with Poodle on this, I too have a child (dS 5) and don't have a need for a man.

The only difference IMO to this was before I became a mum, I wasn't quite so fussy about the men I get involved with but I've never needed a man, I've always been highly independant.

SandC

mummy_Jay wrote: »

Sorry to but in here but I completely there with Poodle on this, I too have a child (dS 5) and don't have a need for a man.

The only difference IMO to this was before I became a mum, I wasn't quite so fussy about the men I get involved with but I've never needed a man, I've always been highly independant.

Not at all, I was just interested that's all - as a child does fulfil a lot of needs that many single person feel they are missing when they don't have a partner - having someone around, someone to look after if you like (not that I am saying that women wish to treat men like having a child, I hope you know what I mean?).

Age does play a big part in this too. If a woman is in her mid to late thirties and has always wanted children I can see their reason for settling down and not holding out for what they consider to be perfect. But if there is already a child in the equation it could mean that itch has been scratched and there is less of a liklihood of settling.

Neither party can experience the life of the other I guess. But if someone is 29 as Poodle is, with a child of 6 then they have not been alone in their lives since the age of 23 - which I would hazard is a little young to have experienced true independence. I guess there are different kinds of independence. You could say it is more independent to bring up a child alone than it is to just stay single and childless.

I hope that didn't come across as anything other me pondering the different lifestyles, I just think it's a little different and the original article is referring to those specifically alone without children.

Lotus-eater

SandC wrote: »

I hope that didn't come across as anything other me pondering the different lifestyles, I just think it's a little different and the original article is referring to those specifically alone without children.

Don't worry, I got it and thought it was a good and interesting question.

Poodlecrazy

SandC wrote: »

Just out of interest Poodle, do you think you would feel the same way if you didn't have your lovely daughter?

Hi

I'd like to say I would think the same and perhaps I would to a certain extent but there is no doubt that having my daughter makes my resolve not to settle greater. Without my daughter I still think I would be fussy but maybe not quite as strident about it!

x

Poodlecrazy

Just saw the other posts as well on this issue so sorry for posting again! Interestingly I was engaged when I had my DD but called it off because he wasn't right, he still has regular contact with DD and is married now.

I agree with mummyjay on this as well, I've always been very independent and even at 23 I was very strong and would do my own thing (perhaps evidenced by the fact that despite having a young baby and the seemingly 'perfect' life I decided I'd rather go it alone as it just wasn't right).

I do think; however, that it's easier to be single and hold out for better than second best when you have a child mainly, in my mind due to the lack of biological clock ticking. I don't care if I meet my perfect match at 30, 40, 50... whereas if I didn't have DD I would be more concerned I'm sure.
x

mummy_Jay

SandC wrote: »

Not at all, I was just interested that's all - as a child does fulfil a lot of needs that many single person feel they are missing when they don't have a partner - having someone around, someone to look after if you like (not that I am saying that women wish to treat men like having a child, I hope you know what I mean?).

Age does play a big part in this too. If a woman is in her mid to late thirties and has always wanted children I can see their reason for settling down and not holding out for what they consider to be perfect. But if there is already a child in the equation it could mean that itch has been scratched and there is less of a liklihood of settling.

Neither party can experience the life of the other I guess. But if someone is 29 as Poodle is, with a child of 6 then they have not been alone in their lives since the age of 23 - which I would hazard is a little young to have experienced true independence. I guess there are different kinds of independence. You could say it is more independent to bring up a child alone than it is to just stay single and childless.

I hope that didn't come across as anything other me pondering the different lifestyles, I just think it's a little different and the original article is referring to those specifically alone without children.

I was 30 when I had my DS, so I think i had a fair run at independance on my own and loved every minute of it. But then again I've never dreamt about being a bride or been that bothered about BF, before I was a mum I sometimes found it quite clostrophobic in relationships as I've always wanted to do my own thing. I chose to be single for years at a time in my 20's as there was so much fun to be had (and I don't mean with men but going out with friends etc).

I think you have an interesting point about women who want babies but it isn't a reason to settle down with someone as there are other options for having kids. I would very much like another child but I don't see it as a reason to need a man there is always the turkey baster option:rotfl:

I think the urge to be settle is more about how you were brought up, I was a millitary brat, so I grew up with a strong independant woman as my mother as my father was never there (even though they were very happily married, his job meant he was away for years at a time). My mother has always joked this would probably the perfect type of relationship for me, one where I only see my partner for a couple of weeks a year, as she put its 'you get bored with man if they are around too much'.

I always wonder how people picture themselves in the future, as I can picture myself with two kids but I can't picture myself married (I never have been able to) or living with someone other than my kids.