Do I have right to take my daughter on holiday?

DVardysShadow

angelsmomma wrote: »

I am trying to point out the courts do not have to take your interests into account. They take the childs interest. The child lives with mum so mum gets to decide

I think you are confusing custody with parental responsibility. Undoubtedly, the courts tend to give the benefit of the doubt to PWC - which tends to be to mother. But if you think that means that the courts are saying that mother gets to decide everything and has the final word, I think you are getting way above yourself

angelsmomma wrote: »

.. The point I am trying to make (badly it seems) is that the courts agree that things have to be taken slowly so that the child adjusts to the new situation.

Yes, I think you might be making a pig's ear of explaining it

angelsmomma wrote: »

....
I would like to add that my son goes on holiday abroad with me and has amazing memories. His dad chooses to take him to Wales. He goes abroad at a different time with his wife, so not the same situation as you at all.

Hmm. Mummy's holidays are better than Daddy's? Daddy is a meanie who takes Stepmum on exciting holidays, but only takes son on the dull holidays? Or does Daddy not take son abroad, because Mummy gets to decide?

I hardly know you, I don't have an ex. But rightly or wrongly, if you were my ex I think I would be feeling I was doing well to have holiday with son in Wales.

DVardysShadow

robpw2 wrote: »

... i would say that you need to sort out somewhere for her to stay at yours and start proving to your ex that your responsible enough to look after your daughter .

I thanked you for the rest of the content. This bit however, I don't quite agree with.

By default, both parents must accept that the other is sufficiently responsible to look after any offspring. It goes with climbing into bed together - if either party does not accept it at that point, then they should never have climbed into bed. Now that is just by default. Of course people do things they regret and they change their mind about the capability of their partner to look after a child. But if they do decide that, then they need to have a definite reason not to acknowledge the capability of the other partner to act as parent.

So there is never a case of anyone needing to prove their responsibility to the other partner, unless their responsibility has been shown to be lacking for good cause.

swiss69

OP

I would suggest that however much you are hurting, you dont obsessively text/phone/go round as this will look like you are staliking. I am not saying you are doing this but I know how easy it can be to do this as the pain of not knowing what she is doing is a killer when you are in love with someone.

What you should do is just focus on your child. If you cant communicate with her without shouting/arguing then try a different approach.

Write her a letter telling her how much you love your child and how you would like to be there for your child throughout its life. Dont criticise her, Dont focus on your feelings for her.

Are you both young?

On the "Being in love" point, this will fade it you allow it to. There are millions of other people in the world and all this "The One" or "Soul Mate" is just utter tosh. Believe me, you will be better off without this woman in the long term and you will find a better one. Just dont give up hope on your child asnd always keep fighting for your rights.

As for the post from someone about holidays abroad and holidays in Wales.....Do you realise how that makes you sound? Did you get hurt by any chance?

DVardysShadow

swiss69 wrote: »

... As for the post from someone about holidays abroad and holidays in Wales.....Do you realise how that makes you sound? Did you get hurt by any chance?

Did you mean me [It is helpful to be specific as to who you mean, so that you know for certain it is directed at you]. No, I have none of these complications, this has never happened to me. I was extemporising on angelsmoma's post, which came across very poorly - possibly for similar reasons to why you are reacting.

swiss69

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Did you mean me [It is helpful to be specific as to who you mean, so that you know for certain it is directed at you]. No, I have none of these complications, this has never happened to me. I was extemporising on angelsmoma's post, which came across very poorly - possibly for similar reasons to why you are reacting.

I was making reference to Andelsmomas post not yours.

notakid

My old neighbours where in the same situation as the OP. They met and a week later she was expecting:eek: they were 17, they knuckled down, once the baby was born they moved in to a flat and started saving for a house. Once the child was five they brought a few doors away from me. We both had a son the same age but althru friendly we weren't close as the 10 year age difference. She was a SAHM and nine years from the birth of her son she had a daughter.

She was always friendly and kept herself, her family spotless but had a temper! :eek: We put it down to the red hair, She and her partner were always reliable and grown up. She did once say to me that she felt like a fish out of water as all the other Mom's were older and it had been a situation forced upon her, not chosen. Another time she told me she was feeling low as her sister had breast cancer and wasn't going to live. But she had a wide circle of friends and both families were supportive.

They moved and married, then I read in the paper that she had been arrested for stealing a bottle of Vodka from the Supermarket, she had been thrown out of the family home because of her drinking, she had moved in to the local council flat with a fellow alcohlic, the father took the children on holiday, they came home to the house trashed, vomit everywhere.

I don't know maybe she used the Vodka as a reward, when the new neighbours moved in they used to dig up empty bottles in the flower beds, my friend who lived next to her just thought she was a keen gardener!:rotfl:

Last I heard, she is receiving treatment as the Dr told her she would be dead in six months if she continued. They are divorcing and he has to give her half the house and their assets. She, despite appearences, couldn't cope.

He has tried all his life to do the right thing, now he is late 30's with an 18 and 9 year old children who need him and he has to start again.

You however, do have a chance of enjoying your life. In your heart of hearts do you really think without the child you and your GF would have lasted your stay at Uni?

When I was there, many relationships crashed and burned, only one I know of lasted.

At least for GF is having her crisis now, however hard it may be for you better you know now, then invest your whole life on a relationship which will make both of you unhappy.

ses6jwg

If I'm honest, No I don't think we would have lasted.

I am quite a traditional guy, who had all these visions about how my life would pan out, and then BAM this hits me and it really turned my life around.

We had some fantastic times, but equally I can think back to times when we were at each others throats.

We are quite different people in many respects.

My family and friends have said to me, if she really is the one, give it time, let her get her head together, and she will come back to you, but if she isn't the one, perhaps its better you go your own ways, and remember that there is a little one there so there will always be a bond between you, but to keep the child's interests in mind.

I'm coping a little better now, I can be fine all day, then a song we listened to will come on the radio, or an advert for something we used to enjoy doing, and all the feelings will be coming back.

I just find it so hard, you know, because I go to pick my daughter up and she won't even look me in the eye. This is somebody who I held whilst she gave birth to our daughter, who I desperately wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

It hurts so much,

thanks for the advice, all.

notakid

You and your family sound lovely.

I would be proud of you if you were my son, I think you tried to step up to the mark. You have done the best you can.

Your daughter is lucky to have you as a father.

Don't let this experience make you bitter, relationships aren't easy. I've been married for 20 years and between you and me, both me and my husband have done some horrible things to each other!:o There is a reason the marriage vows include "in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer" and its true the saying , "its a thin line between love and hate".

You never know you may pull thru, but even if you don't you can still be happy.

steffie666

hi there well that little lot took some reading through phew i am worn out.

There are two biggies here,sorry if i am repeating anyone,i proof read at excessive speed.

The first being the interests of the child.

The law recognises the rights of the child and whats in the best interests of the child.Of course its every childs right to have a good quality relationship with each child.Each time you see your daughter thats has to be your focus.It will all iron itself out in time I can tell. I would say shelve the holiday for the tme being put it to the back of your head,I suspect that if you took your daughter away for that length of time you would be so heartbroken each time she cried for mummy and you would be racked with guilt so far away with a distressed child.It may be more beneficial to you both to have shorter little trips I bet you make a mean sandcastle with pebbles allaround it,can't you see it better still can you imagine how much she would like watching the monkeys scratching their bums at the zoo.Think of experiences through her eyes and you won't go wrong.So if you don't get to france this year so what.I know you want to give her the best a dad can you still can if you concentrate on her happiness.

The second issue is your emotional welfare.

Which brings me on to your broken heart.What happens to us when our heart is broken is probably the worst pain we will ever suffer.I am with you on this one having been dumped by the man i thought i would like with forever I loved my husband with the whole of my soul and after 22 years and with a 6 year old daughter he found a rich ugly older woman.Dumped i thought the pain would kill me,he was my world.3 years later i am slowly recovering.Enough about boring me.You young man are coping very well its time to pat yourself on the back.You got off to a wobbly start she this she that blah blah.You have suffered a loss its all about coping with loss and grieving the loss of a realationship.Grief is not just about dead people.There are 7 stages to the grieving process.look it up on the net,it will help yopu see where you are,and you swing in and out each stage until you get to acceptance.By the way the songs on the radio i don't think theres much you can do here unless you change channels.i still can't listen to chasing cars.

whatever you do don't keep trying to contact her it stirs the embers of hope and you will end up torturing yourself.she will start to get angry if you keep it business like but thats what you need to do.You ought to set up a standing order for the money for daughter or at least get her to give you a reciept.If you can get the contact to regular times and days you will establish a routine which will be of benefit to your daughter and yourself and if the two of you ended up in court the court would seek to keep the status quo.

don't do anything that she could complain may amount to harassment.I meet so many men in my job who get arrested on suspicion of harassment as a result of a malicious allegation that they are being harassed.
theres a website called wikivorce which is really helpful to look at, theres forums there on contact etc give it a look

I think your doing ok now, you seem to have a good support network.I am sure your mum is so proud of you.keep moving forward often its two steps forward and 1 back but you will get there honey.Try not to sit in judgment of the mother all it does is torture your soul.you're gonna be just fine that little girl is lucky to have a dad like you.