Do I have right to take my daughter on holiday?

ses6jwg

Hello all.

My ex girlfriend of 4 years dumped me on New Years Eve.

I am still in love with her and absolutely devastated, angry and downtrodden.

She is being absolutely horrible to me, not answering my calls, putting strict limits on when/ how long I can see my daughter, accussing me of "stalking" when I go to try and find her when she texts me out of the blue and says my daughter HAS to stay over at mine despite the fact i dont have a bed for her at the moment

However we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter to think about.

I booked a holiday to France for July this year for 10 days, however she is being awkward and says I am not allowed to take her.

It was originally meant to be her, me, my daughter and my mother as well.

I am on the birth certificate.

I was in full time education until May of this year, however I have been in a temporary job paying circa 20,000 a year since July. I have been paying for her food and other things since gettng the job, I bought things such as nappies regularly whilst in Uni, and since splitting up I have been paying £20 a week to her and putting £50-100 a month into my daughters savings.

My ex is on benefits (income support) so I am not sure how it would all work. I might have to go to the CSA which I am perfectly happy to do.

Please advise. I have tried talking to her but she is unreasonable and keeps threatening to call the police on me?

I am university educated, no criminal record.

please help me where do I stand, can I apply to the courts if she continues to prevent me taking her on holiday which was pre-booked?

MrsAnnie

The best advice you can get would be from a solicitor that does family law. Many do offer a free consultation. Or try the CAB.

*Louise*

I do hate when a couple split and one person decides they are to dictate how things go regarding the children from that point onwards, with no negotiation- it's not fair on the parent without custody.

Why is she threatening to call the police on you? Are the arguments getting heated? If this is the case then I would back off a bit.

Can you perhaps get someone else to approach her regarding the holiday? I would perhaps give it a few weeks to let her calm down a bit first. Does she get on with your mother? (I assume yes if she was going on hol with you) could you ask her to speak to your ex perhaps?

MrsAnnie

*Louise* wrote: »

I do hate when a couple split and one person decides they are to dictate how things go regarding the children from that point onwards, with no negotiation- it's not fair on the parent without custody.

Why is she threatening to call the police on you? Are the arguments getting heated? If this is the case then I would back off a bit.

Can you perhaps get someone else to approach her regarding the holiday? I would perhaps give it a few weeks to let her calm down a bit first. Does she get on with your mother? (I assume yes if she was going on hol with you) could you ask her to speak to your ex perhaps?

Agreed. The holiday is not till July. I think you should concentrate on getting regular contact visits with your DD set up first, and worry about the holiday closer to the date.

P.S. Keep a detailed record of any maintenance payments you give your ex.

RAS

Hi

You have full parental rights. She is being unreasonable but both of you need to get a better understanding of your responsibilities and rights.

Stop paying into your daughter's savings. You are supposed to pay your ex 15% of your take home pay. Do it.

Then write to her and suggest that you both go to mediation. If that does not work, you can go to court.

Is there any reason to suggest that you would not return from the foreign holiday.

maggied_2

RAS is correct - you do need to sort out the money you are paying. Instead of giving her money in kind you need to go here https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp and work out what you need to be giving her. Send her the money via bank transfer marked with reference: Child Maintenance for ******. Don't give her cash.

Because of when your daughter was born and you are on the birth certificate you do have parental responsibility but you do need to take the focus off the holiday.

Get your daughter a bed and then take a step back. You are obviously desperate to see your daughter and although it does sound like your ex is being unreasonable if she does call the police on you then organising access is going to be difficult. I like RAS's suggestion of writing - make it clear and request that you have a regular night / nights.

I'm sorry that your relationship has broken down by the way - you must be feeling bewildered and very hurt, especially when it means your family unit has also broken down. You do need to separate your feelings for your ex from trying to sort out access (easy to say, not so easy to do) for your sanity as much as anything.

You can go to court - it's a last resort (we're doing it at the moment with OH's x). It's expensive and stressful and ultimately no-one can actually force anyone to do anything they don't want to.

Good luck - hopefully when feelings aren't riding so high you can all make this work amicably.

C x

ses6jwg

Thank you for the advice and kind words.

Yes it has been very difficult.

I proposed to her and she said yes then 2 weeks later left the ring in the garden shed along with all my things in bin bags.

I have still not had any explanation apart from "I just dont love you anymore".

Sometimes I wish she was dead and other times the pain of not being with her makes me wish I was dead.

But I am a strong person and I now want to do the best for my daughter.

I am still living my parents at the moment which makes residencey difficult however I am moving into my own house in 8 weeks with 2 bedrooms so my daughter can stay over night.

The reason I have been reluctant to increase payments is because despite the fact she is on benefits and income support she still affords to go out drinking every weekend and hangs around with complete losers including drug users.

I am loathe to increase it and see my money being spent on this but I guess if it is what it takes I will reduce savings contributions for now and defer them to a later date.

There is no reason to suggest I would not return.

I am going with my Mum and sister and her boyfriend, my parents own a house there.

RAS

Hi

You need to keep this cool at the moment but are you aware of who is caring for your child when she is out at weekends? Does she get up promptly the following morning.

ses6jwg

RAS wrote: »

Hi

You need to keep this cool at the moment but are you aware of who is caring for your child when she is out at weekends? Does she get up promptly the following morning.

Yes it is her father and older sister.

Both of whom I trust, so that is not the issue.

I have been trying to keep my cool,that is what my Dad has said but its so hard when you have all these feelings rushing around inside your head.

However I raised a concern with her mother last week as when I picked my daughter up her hair smelled of cigarettes.

elainew

Do you automatically get parental responsibility just because you are on the birth certificate? I didnt think you did?

ses6jwg

Yes as she was born after 1st Dec 2003