Do I have right to take my daughter on holiday?

ses6jwg

shellsuit wrote: »

When I split up with the kids Dad, he wanted to take them away on holiday.

I refused because he was a drinker and didn't trust him (that's why I ended things)

He offered to pay for me too, so I said Yes but seperate rooms.

In the end, we all went (had the seperate rooms) and had a brill time. Nothing happened, we were still split and still went our own ways when we got back, but it was good for the kids to see us getting on.

Sometimes you have to remember you are the adults and should be doing the best for the child/ren.

Is there any way you can all still go on the holiday so that your child doesn't miss out???

I offered her this and she flat out said no.

I paid over £200 for the tickets and saved up £200 for spending on food and offered to pay for it all.

As advised I have "cooled down" over the past week and we have not been in contact unless it's about our daughter.

But whilst I am trying to be civil she is talking down to me extremely bluntly and setting strict times I can see her.

For example, tonight I finish work at 5.00pm and it is a half hour commute, so I would pick her up at 5.30pm. Then she has said DD MUST be home by 8.00pm even though her bedtime isn't until 9.00pm. When trying to negotiate different times she just accuses me of "being a part time Dad" and slams the phone down and then will not answer.

I also asked her today whether my sister (who my daughther loves and who the ex USED to get on with just fine before all this) could pick her up at 4.15pm (as she finishes work early and has the car seat) and again she catagorically said NO only I was to pick her up (this is despite the fact I have no objections to dropping my daughter off at her Dads on a Friday night whilst she out on the town).

I have a feeling that if she insists on continuning along this road I will be forced to apply for a contact order to have the times etc on the statute as she seems to be insistent on making things difficult and seems to be under the misguided notion that she has some sort of "power"?

All I want is what's fair.

MrsAnnie

notakid wrote: »

Exactly, and thats why a blanket statement expressed that a child shouldn't be separated from its Mother for ten days is wrong.

A child bonds with lots of people and if good care is taken of the child of course it won't hurt a child to be away from their mother for 10 days!

From the OP it seems that the father here is the more level headed and mature adult in this family unit. There is no reason to deny him access to his daugher for 10 days just because he is a male.

Is he? Because from what I read his comes across as a volatile and confused man.

And there, ofcourse, is the other side to this, which we are unlikely to hear about.

So to judge the OP as the more level headed and mature adult is at best speculation, based your interpretaion of his version of events.

ses6jwg

I currently see my daughter at the following times:

Monday - 5.00ish to 8.00pm

Friday - 5.00ish to 8.00pm

Sunday - 11.00amish to 6pmish

I'm at home at the moment, but moving into my own house in a month or so. I would like to switch the Friday to a Saturday night so I can have her overnight 1 night a week, does anyone else think this unreasonable?

MrsAnnie

Sounds reasonable.

What about altenating Friday and Saturday nights? That is one week have her Friday night, next week have her Saturday night. Therefore if you both have something on either night (and your schedules clash) then you both have an opportunity to do it every other weekend. IYSWIM.

Gingham_Ribbon

shellsuit wrote: »

When I split up with the kids Dad, he wanted to take them away on holiday.

I refused because he was a drinker and didn't trust him (that's why I ended things)

He offered to pay for me too, so I said Yes but seperate rooms.

In the end, we all went (had the seperate rooms) and had a brill time. Nothing happened, we were still split and still went our own ways when we got back, but it was good for the kids to see us getting on.

Sometimes you have to remember you are the adults and should be doing the best for the child/ren.

Is there any way you can all still go on the holiday so that your child doesn't miss out???

Very sensible. My friend did this recently and it was very good for the kids. It was stressful for her though but she's become very good at walking away from him when he starts.

minimoneysaver

What's going to happen to these hours when your daughter starts reception? I presume she will be going to be earlier than 9pm then?

notakid

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Is he? Because from what I read his comes across as a volatile and confused man.

And there, ofcourse, is the other side to this, which we are unlikely to hear about.

So to judge the OP as the more level headed and mature adult is at best speculation, based your interpretaion of his version of events.

No he doesn't! There has been no suggestion of violence or threat of. He's just sounding off because the relationship has broken down when he wished it could continue and he feels he has been treated badly.

I've read previous posts of ses6wg before the relationship ended I know he was committed to his GF and was trying to do the best he could despite a shaky start. I think the GF was brave to end the relationship, Jojo's post, althou expressed a little unkindly at times, was in line with my thinking but his thoughts expressed on here are nothing more than the hurt talking.

Many women post very similar feelings when it has happened to them, I've never heard them being called volatile / unstable / or suggested that their negative feelings may make them unsuitable to parent. They get (((((hugs)))) and poor you comments. We only get to hear one side of the story there too, but it doesn't stop people offering support and witholding judgement nor you judging his state of mind. Why is your opinion more valid?

He is going on holiday with his Mother, Sister and her boyfriend. The OP states that his daughter "loves" his sister. I see no way how this child would suffer!

ses6jwg

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Sounds reasonable.

What about altenating Friday and Saturday nights? That is one week have her Friday night, next week have her Saturday night. Therefore if you both have something on either night (and your schedules clash) then you both have an opportunity to do it every other weekend. IYSWIM.

We have discussed this via text earlier (she refuses to answer the phone to me) and after the initial "sorry these are the only times I can do you have to work around me and my family" crap she has come around to the idea.

So thank you.

angelsmomma

ses6jwg wrote: »

We have discussed this via text earlier (she refuses to answer the phone to me) and after the initial "sorry these are the only times I can do you have to work around me and my family" crap she has come around to the idea.

So thank you.

I am very reasonable with my ex but the bottom line is that my son lives with me and if I say its not convenient because of family comittments then it is not.

The court fully supports this position, my sons ordinary daily life (appointments, social activities) are not to be disrupted to fit in with his father. This is not c*ap this is my sons life, its what he is comfortable with.

I do allow him to go on holiday with his dad but the court left it up to me to decided when I felt he was ready for it. I asked him if he wanted to go on holiday with his dad at 6 and he said no, at 7 he said yes so now he does.

The children act says in the best interest of the child. It is not about your rights

ses6jwg

angelsmomma wrote: »

She does not have to come around to the idea. :mad:

I am very reasonable with my ex but the bottom line is that my son lives with me and if I say its not convenient because of family committments then it is not.

The court fully supports this position, my sons ordinary daily life (appointments, social activities) are not to be disrupted to fit in with his father. This is not c*ap this is my sons life, its what he is comfortable with.

I do allow him to go on holiday with his dad but the court left it up to me to decided when I felt he was ready for it. I asked him if he wanted to go on holiday with his dad at 6 and he said no, at 7 he said yes so now he does.

The children act says in the best interest of the child. It is not about your rights

Errrr.... I'm not your ex (I don't think anyway..... :eek:)