Wedding list: They have asked for money

emlou2009

I'm getting married next year (:eek:) and as I have a baby I wouldnt dream of saying I didnt want children there. But, if someone had a baby and were at the ceremony and the baby cried, I would expect them to be courteous and take the baby out of the room!
From experience I know that people with children tend to leave earlier to put them to bed (and cos they are more tired too ) and so when they go the party really gets started!

As for asking for money, I agree they could have worded it better. We intend to ask for money for us to put towards a family holiday rather than gifts, as we will have been living together for nearly 4 years by then and really wont need anything. We will probably be hugely unoriginal and put a poem in the card or something along these lines, but will also make it clear that we dont expect anything!

ETA - we wont have ever been on holiday as a couple, let alone as a family, and as we're having a small daytime do with only very close friends and close family the attendees will all know how skint we are/have been, and so it wouldnt be such a cheeky thing to ask IYSWIM

mazinmouse

The wording is thoughtless. I wouldn't go but I'd send a card with a fiver or tenner and say "we would have liked to have given you more but once the childminder fees were taken into account..."

There's one thing worse than a thoughtlessly worded invite that says 'no children'.

My sister attended a family wedding to which children were definitely not invited and found that a creche had been laid on for various of their friends' offspring... ever felt unwanted???

elastigirl

I have just looked on the web-site that we are meant to donate to and yes the bride and groom can log in and see a list of the amounts that people give. I would be happier if they didn't know as this makes us feel like we should give more.

Curlywurli

:eek:I don't blame them for not wanting children there, but that has got to be one of the worst ways of putting it that I've ever read. My husband said that if it was him he wouldn't go.
They seem to be completely tactless to be honest. Even the way of asking for money isn't the best and them knowing exactly what people put in isn't very nice. Do they have a ticklist that they're going to use to see who put in what? I wonder what other people with children think- did they all get the same message or are you really close friends and they thought you'd find it funny?

elektra-2007

elastigirl wrote: »

I have just looked on the web-site that we are meant to donate to and yes the bride and groom can log in and see a list of the amounts that people give. I would be happier if they didn't know as this makes us feel like we should give more.

I would defo have a good think about how much i would spend on a present if you can afford 20-30 then just give that much, after all im sure if they are anything like the comments they have written they will be checking how much close family and friends are giving. I would make my donation and hold my head high.
There is no-obligation to give a present.
Id try not to dwell on this so much and if it is causing you distress then id cancel going.

NEH

elastigirl wrote: »

I have just looked on the web-site that we are meant to donate to and yes the bride and groom can log in and see a list of the amounts that people give. I would be happier if they didn't know as this makes us feel like we should give more.

Only give what you can comfortably afford, don't feel pressurised into paying more...

chesky369

Elastigirl - how can you like such gross people and want to have anything to do with them?

Zebradome

elastigirl wrote: »

As the invite on the inside was only addressed to myself and hubby i took it my ds wasn't invited anyway .

You're quite right - I would think that only if "Mr & Mrs Joe Blogs, Harry & Alice" was on the invite, would your children be expected to be there, but maybe there are ignorant folk in the world who take their children along to weddings even if they are not specifically named on the invite. Now that would not only be annoying it could downright spoil your whole day - but there are nicer ways of putting it.

As for asking for money - I'm quite happy to give money if I hear it's for a specific project - a patio, extension, cooker etc, but a honeymoon for **** sake - no way would I be contributing to a couple going away to enjoy themselves. How grasping! A wedding present is supposed to help set you up for the future - once you've had your honeymoon - it's gone. I'd give them a pair of teatowels.

shellsuit

A cousin of mine got married last year. We weren't invited to the wedding (auntys and uncles were, but not cousins, as again, there are a LOT of us)

Funds were short as I was pregnant but I sent a £10 Mothercare gift card with a congrats card.

I received a lovely handwritten thank you card back from them, saying that they were going to put it towards a cot for their new baby.(They'd asked for Mothercare vouchers/gift cards etc)

They were grateful for that £10 ~ every penny helps and it all adds up, so please don't think that £20 is being mean, I think £20 is generous!

Just think, if 100 people go and they all give £20, that's £2K!

boltonangel

I'm only 26 but I think I'm a bit old fashioned in the fact that I don't like it when people ask for cash. I can see why they do but find it so rude.

I certainly would't want to go to a wedding where they put a line like that about children, friends or no friends.

I was recently invited to a family members reception....despite the rest of the family being invited to the ceremony also yet they still managed to ask for cash! needless to say we didn't go.