Wedding list: They have asked for money

RoxieW

I agree sugarspun and mrcow
Most weddings are not appropriate for children. There's the formal service where quiet is expected, usually a formal meal, long speeches to sit through - not to mention alcohol. Fair enough if a couple want to have a very child friendly wedding and go to the effort of special menus, creches, entertainers etc, then I would take my kids but if not I would enjoy myself far better not having to pacify a brood of over excited, then bored children. i think those who take offence to children not being invited are quite petty. Afterall, it's the couples big day and if they mean anything to you at all then you would want to celebrate that day as they see fit - not say, if my kids cant come then i'm not coming. That said, the wording on this particular invite is rather crass and offensive - I would hope they are trying to be funny but it doesnt really come off that way.
As for money - I dont really see the big deal. if they'd rather have money towards a dream honeymoon, car or whatever then a stack of unwanted kitchen appliances and ornaments then that seems pretty sensible to me - this is MSE after all. No it doesnt feel as nice and personal when you are the gifter but again, this is the recipients wedding day and so I would want them to be happy and respect their requests.

SugarSpun

kegg wrote: »

stagg hen and child sleepovers are completly different situations.
Would you go to a wedding where your husband wasn't invited?

They're not completely different situations though - they're events that are organised, that people chosen by the organisers (who are paying for some or all the event) are invited to.

According to standard etiquette, a husband and wife are a social unit and should be invited to things as a couple. Children aren't part of that protected unit.

And I've certainly gone to events where my husband wasn't invited. Friends are holding a vow renewal tomorrow, they've never met my husband so he wasn't invited. Only about 12 people were invited. I'm not going, but that's only because I already have plans.

cactuspotty

dizziblonde wrote: »

I agree - I'd just find that incredibly rude and not at all funny, like the annecdote earlier of someone's kid upstaging one of the speeches... I can't see why people think that's acceptable behaviour when whatever you think of the person giving the speech, they are a person the bride and groom have chosen to play that part within THEIR day.

Same as people who think it's endearing that their kid giggled through the vows or whatever - I'm sorry, but me saying my vows to my fella matters a great deal for me, and I want the people I invite to be able to hear what we're saying to each other as we make that commitment and I'd be incredibly upset if it was drowned out with someone's cute little kiddie deciding to sing the wheels on the bus or something - I wouldn't find it cute, I'd find it incredibly upsetting that one of the special moments in my life was damaged by someone's kid deciding to act up and play to an audience.

I can't understand why some people on here refuse to acknowledge that behaviour might be cute or hysterically funny for you - but isn't for everyone, and that the wishes of the couple ARE the important thing on this one day in their lives. Unless you're a Hollywood celeb or what-not... you only really get one shot at getting married - hence people being very very protective of their special day. I want my memories to be of me and blokey standing up and committing to spending our lives together, not of little Johnny deciding to show how he can burp his A B Cs.

An innocent burp from a four-year-old hardly upstages a speech! Some people want the "perfect day". We wanted, and had, an amazing day with our family and friends - including kids.

kegg_2

mrcow wrote: »

Seriously? What if it was someone from his side of the family?

I bet you don't go to that many weddings each year do you then!

I've also been to loads of weddings without my o/h (we've been together 14 years). Usually if the kids aren't invited, one of us will stay at home and look after the kids and the other will attend the wedding.

It's really not that big a deal. Weddings are a nightmare to organise. And that's without 50 kids running about.

I dont go to many weddings now as most of my family are already married and so is most of my circle of friends.
Why would i not want to go to a wedding from his side of the family?
We have been married long enough now that his family is my family and i would be gutted if i wasn't invited and my oh would be none to pleased either.
i dont know what size weddings you have been to but i have never been to one with 50 kids running around and the children there have always been well behaved.
Different strokes for different folks but for me a wedding is a family occasion and i wouldn't enjoy it if i knew they were not wanted there.

Niv

I admit to not reading the entire thread, just a few pages.

I think the point the OP was making was more about the way the children were excluded more the way they were excluded. Personally I dont have children, nor am I particularly keen to have any, however, it would not have even occured to me to exclude children from my wedding, although I agree they can potentially disrupt the ceremony (which they didnt). I also found that in fact they helped kick off the dancing etc as they have no hang ups. All in all I enjoyed having them there.

As for the money thing, I think it is fair enough to ask for money, there are nicer ways to ask though. I had been living with my now wife for a number of years before we got married so vouchers were on the list. I did however make an effort to make a gift list up as I apprciate some people just prefer to give gifts, so for example we had a toaster but wanted a 'nicer' one so we put that on the list, if it was too dear etc, the voucher option was always there.

To the OP - these friends of yours are terribly rude if the wording you used was their exact wording I have to admit I would concider whether i would go or not (and I dont have kids nor mind giving money as a gift!)

mrcow

kegg wrote: »

Why would i not want to go to a wedding from his side of the family?

You may well want to go, but you may not be invited.

The problem you have is that some people are so precious about their kids that they seem to forget any sense of socially acceptable behaviour that they used to have before they procreated.

Just because you think the sun shines out of your kids, it certainly doesn't mean that other people do (in fact you'll often find the opposite the case).

I went to a wedding last year - all my children were invited as were lots of others. The couple two rows in front of me brought a musical toy with them - which they then proceded to push the buttons to throughout the entire service.

I know that having babies can addle your brains somewhat - but seriously such socially inappropriate behaviour requires a level of beligerance that most would gawp at.

lilac_lady

It's the bride and grooms' choice not to have children at their wedding but they didn't need to be so rude about it. I don't think anyone would expect to take their children to a wedding unless the invitaton mentioned them by name.

Asking for money to pay for the honeymoon in that manner should ensure that they have a Sun £10 holiday at a camp in Britain - if they're lucky.

Person_one

cactuspotty wrote: »

An innocent burp from a four-year-old hardly upstages a speech! Some people want the "perfect day". We wanted, and had, an amazing day with our family and friends - including kids.

I'm glad you had the day you wanted. Why would you begrudge others the same thing just because their idea of 'amazing' differs from yours?

money_saving_diva

Niv wrote: »

I admit to not reading the entire thread, just a few pages.

I think the point the OP was making was more about the way the children were excluded more the way they were excluded. Personally I dont have children, nor am I particularly keen to have any, however, it would not have even occured to me to exclude children from my wedding, although I agree they can potentially disrupt the ceremony (which they didnt). I also found that in fact they helped kick off the dancing etc as they have no hang ups. All in all I enjoyed having them there.

As for the money thing, I think it is fair enough to ask for money, there are nicer ways to ask though. I had been living with my now wife for a number of years before we got married so vouchers were on the list. I did however make an effort to make a gift list up as I apprciate some people just prefer to give gifts, so for example we had a toaster but wanted a 'nicer' one so we put that on the list, if it was too dear etc, the voucher option was always there.

To the OP - these friends of yours are terribly rude if the wording you used was their exact wording I have to admit I would concider whether i would go or not (and I dont have kids nor mind giving money as a gift!)

I think this too and I think it was rude.

I have a child and I would always double check (if not very clear from invite) if he was invited or not to a wedding as I would respect peoples wishes. I would expect him to invited to a very close family members wedding but not a friends wedding. I only had one friend that had children at the time I got married. I told her that they would be the only young children and it was completly up to her if she wanted them to attend or said I also understood if her and her husband wanted to come on their own without the children. i left the descision up to them but I spoke to her about it. I wouldn't have minded either way.

...but I must say people do not read invites! I had 2 people turn up for our sit down meal that had only been invited to the evening (the invites clearly said on the front 'evening invite') They were not on the seating plan and it caused me to go into complete panick as I saw them heading towards the greeting line to enter the sit down meal!! :eek:

Person_one

mrcow wrote: »

You may well want to go, but you may not be invited.

The problem you have is that some people are so precious about their kids that they seem to forget any sense of socially acceptable behaviour that they used to have before they procreated.

Just because you think the sun shines out of your kids, it certainly doesn't mean that other people do (in fact you'll often find the opposite the case).

I went to a wedding last year - all my children were invited as were lots of others. The couple two rows in front of me brought a musical toy with them - which they then proceded to push the buttons to throughout the entire service.

I know that having babies can addle your brains somewhat - but seriously such socially inappropriate behaviour requires a level of beligerance that most would gawp at.

Sugarspun is right, technically its rude to invite one half of an official couple (married, engaged, living together) without the other unless the event is specifically single sex or to do with a hobby/interest that only involves one of them so this shouldn't come up.

Children however are never considered to be a social unit with their parents and if not mentioned by name in the invitation should not attend.