Wedding list: They have asked for money

valos_mummy

andrealm wrote: »

Yes I would take children to the pub for a meal. Why wouldn't you? Most restaurants also serve alcohol including some that are very child friendly such as Pizza Express.

But you might be less likely to see various members of the family trolleyed off their faces at Pizza Express Although that would be an entertaining watch (with my family it would anyway) :rotfl:

MrsE_2

kegg wrote: »

my children are not babies anymore and know how to behave themselves at a wedding or other foraml occasion.
If they are not taken to such events how are they expected to learn these things?
A badly behaved child at any social gathering is a pain but it is more the fault of the parent than the child as they sould be taught when it is a time to sit quitely and behave.
You cant blame the child with the noisy toy as it was the parents who provided it

Sadly lots of people do seem to have badly behaved children.

Can you imagine inviting some children & not others, because of their behavour.

kegg_2

As i have said it has never been an issue as children have always been invited but should in the furture i be invite to one without children then no would make an excuse. No way would i just turn up with my kids in tow.

carolineb23

ninky wrote: »

but then why have anyone else there at all? of course you can do whatever you chose on your wedding. but as with many choices (how you spend your money, what you do with your spare time, who you have as friends etc) i think that choice says a lot about the person making it. truth is, even if you invite people's kids, many would choose not to bring them anyway. i don't think it needs to cost 1k etc to invite children to your wedding. my wedding cost less than 500 quid. some friends put together a buffet for cost, husband.s work donated the venue, mum made the cake, i made the flower arrangements, parents donated some bottles of bubbles, friend DJ'd and any extra drinks were a pay bar. why does it have to cost a fortune? weddings have been going on for centuries amongst all classes and income brackets. community spirit and a sense of occassion seems to have been lost to marketting and a multi-milllion pound wedding industry.

Good for you but not everyone gets a dj, cake, venue or champagne donated either and these things cost, and they can cost an awful lot.
I can totally understand them not wanting to invite kids, it's their wedding after all. I think the invite was very badly worded though and I'd be very tempted to rsvp with a sarky comment!

andrealm

dizziblonde wrote: »

If I'm arranging (and let's be honest here - paying for) a social event and choose who to invite - what on earth gives you the right to railroad over that and decide that you will completely override those wishes and that you're somewhat above everything just because you have a child. If you don't want to come because of childcare issues, or because you have to have your child stapled to your left hip - then decline the invite politely and do whatever else you'd be doing on that day - but people with kids have no absolute right to demand that they're invited to everything and anything above and beyond the wishes of those arranging the event in question.

I don't see why some people with kids struggle to accept that - I don't WANT kids at my wedding, it's not my idea of a good day, I'm paying for the event (along with oh obviously), I've invited the people I wanted to spend the day with - yet some people on here continue to think that they would have the right to railroad over my wishes and bring a kid along to sing the wheels on the bus right through the middle of the wedding vows and it'll be delightfully cute and I'm just some kind of two-headed monster for not thinking this.

If you want to train your children how to behave in social situations - sorry but I'm not subsidising that. My family have never invited kids to weddings as a general rule, never had them at funerals either - we've always had that split between social situations where the family kid-crew are welcome and those where they aren't.

Generally if you hang around the wedding forum for any length of time you see people absolutely ripped to shreds from all directions trying to keep everyone under the sun happy with their big day, and losing control over the day that they wanted and had in mind from the outset - people bend over backwards to accommodate all these wishes - but the way some people who don't want children at their wedding get bullied, railroaded and backed into a corner where they have to agree to it all is pretty emotionally cruel to be honest - and it's not on. Yes I'm partially including myself in this because I know one of my relatives is going to explicitly ignore my wishes and bring their child anyway - which means I'm going to have a delightful day of having the baby forced on me for "oh you want to hold her" "oh you'll be next" "why don't you have a kiddy yet"... which is why I wanted to block children from the wedding since I'm infertile and avoid family situations with kids at because I can't stand that endless line of questioning and explanation. If the relative in question does bring the kid - I'm going to have a lovely day of trying to avoid her totally - nice way to spoil my one wedding day huh?

Sorry but where has anyone said that they would override your wishes (or of anyone who wants to have a child free wedding)? Unless I've missed something no one has said they would demand to bring their child if they weren't invited or just turn up and bring them. If your relative does do that than I quite agree that it's very rude of them.

Personally if we were invited to a wedding without the kids we'd politely decline as we don't have anyone to babysit. It's not my style to throw a hissy fit and I certainly wouldn't bring them where they weren't wanted. However I would be rather upset if they weren't invited to the wedding of a close family member, less so if it was a friend's wedding.

SugarSpun

dizziblonde wrote: »

I know one of my relatives is going to explicitly ignore my wishes and bring their child anyway - which means I'm going to have a delightful day of having the baby forced on me for "oh you want to hold her" "oh you'll be next" "why don't you have a kiddy yet"... which is why I wanted to block children from the wedding since I'm infertile and avoid family situations with kids at because I can't stand that endless line of questioning and explanation. If the relative in question does bring the kid - I'm going to have a lovely day of trying to avoid her totally - nice way to spoil my one wedding day huh?

Is there any way of getting another relative to call her and tell her that you love her child, really, but the sight of someone else's happy kid on your wedding day when you're struggling with infertility is going to break your heart?

Or get some of your fiance's larger friends to loiter outside and lock the relative and the child in a hotel room for the duration?

Some people are unspeakably rude. When I'm not sure my small one's invited to somewhere I email and ask, making it clear that I'm not fishing for an invite but trying to figure out whether I need a babysitter. If she's not invited then I'll strap on a pair of impractical shoes and enjoy myself before going home and enjoying her company again.

Lunar_Eclipse

talulahbeige wrote: »

A huge percentage of weddings are held in venues that hold licences to serve alcohol. Would you take your child to the pub?

Yes. In fact several families are meeting at our local for the afternoon tomorrow to celebrate an adult's birthday.

My parents took me to the pub when I was a child too. They don't drink excessively. I will probably be on the sparkling water and one diet coke all afternoon!

Any

The invitation was very unfortunately worded and as I don't know the couple I am not sure it was meant like that. I for example have friends who are not very good with small talk and I know they would be able to write invitation like this - without meaning to offend anyone.

Even though I had children on my wedding, that was only because it was abroad and outside and there were activities within the areal where the wedding was held prepared for children in fantastic weather. If I had wedding in the UK inside I would not invite children - I want a party, it is going to cost me lots of money and simply it is not place for children - inside, in stuffy and drunk atmosphere. They are bound to be bored and tired or bored children are not happy.

As for the wedding present - the happy couple is going to spend thousand and thousands so YOU can have a nice meal and day and fun. And you are questioning their honeymoon? I don't know who is more rude here.

Cannot see how it is better to get 5 toasters and 32 sets of dishes. If you don't tell people what you want you end up with this situation. People have a choice - they either do want to give you something or they don't as they are saving for their wedding or child or whatever. You don't have to give present. I didn't get present from everyone and I didn't mind. Also I don't give present to everyone. (though generally if we are invited for meal etc I do - I didn't give present once when I was only invited for drink afterwards which everyone paid for themselves and I popped in for an hour only - still brought a card though)

maxtweenie

Going right back to the OP's point about money for the honeymoon, my daughter and her (now) husband used a site where people could in effect 'buy' extras for the honeymoon such as a champagne breakfast or a boat trip or even cocktails by the pool. This way, people don't feel as if they're just giving cash. And my view on it is that if you already have most things you need for a house, why should you do a traditional list as you'd probably end up asking for things that are nice, but you don't really need.

Person_one

maxtweenie wrote: »

Going right back to the OP's point about money for the honeymoon, my daughter and her (now) husband used a site where people could in effect 'buy' extras for the honeymoon such as a champagne breakfast or a boat trip or even cocktails by the pool. This way, people don't feel as if they're just giving cash. And my view on it is that if you already have most things you need for a house, why should you do a traditional list as you'd probably end up asking for things that are nice, but you don't really need.

Well if they truly have everything they need, why ask for anything at all? Does anyone need a champagne breakfast?