Wedding list: They have asked for money

Idiophreak

Person_one wrote: »

Well if they truly have everything they need, why ask for anything at all? Does anyone need a champagne breakfast?

You don't *need* to have, or do, anything, if you're gonna be like that about it...but if you only did, or bought, things in life that are considered necessity, I'd imagine life would be pretty empty.

Person_one

Idiophreak wrote: »

You don't *need* to have, or do, anything, if you're gonna be like that about it...but if you only did, or bought, things in life that are considered necessity, I'd imagine life would be pretty empty.

Do and buy what you like, just don't expect or ask other people to fund it for you! They may want to anyway, but the point is that you leave it up to them!

JBD

Any wrote: »

As for the wedding present - the happy couple is going to spend thousand and thousands so YOU can have a nice meal and day and fun. And you are questioning their honeymoon? I don't know who is more rude here.

Cannot see how it is better to get 5 toasters and 32 sets of dishes. If you don't tell people what you want you end up with this situation. People have a choice - they either do want to give you something or they don't as they are saving for their wedding or child or whatever. You don't have to give present. I didn't get present from everyone and I didn't mind. Also I don't give present to everyone. (though generally if we are invited for meal etc I do - I didn't give present once when I was only invited for drink afterwards which everyone paid for themselves and I popped in for an hour only - still brought a card though)

It is the couple's choice to pay thousands for the meal and so on. It is also their choice to have a honeymoon. Neither are actually neccessary. So how is anyone being rude if they don't wish to contribute? It would also be very rude for anyone to take their children if they weren't specifically invited. I'm a parent myself and I wouldn't be offended if my children weren't invited but I would be a little bit offended if there was a snidey little note on the invitation. Rudeness goes both ways. Personally I do think it would be rude to turn up at a wedding without at least a token gift [money or otherwise] but I think it would be equally rude for the couple to insinuate that the couple are obligated to contribute financially. That is the issue that the OP had with the invitation as far as I could understand.

Any

JBD wrote: »

It is the couple's choice to pay thousands for the meal and so on. It is also their choice to have a honeymoon. Neither are actually neccessary. So how is anyone being rude if they don't wish to contribute? It would also be very rude for anyone to take their children if they weren't specifically invited. I'm a parent myself and I wouldn't be offended if my children weren't invited but I would be a little bit offended if there was a snidey little note on the invitation. Rudeness goes both ways. Personally I do think it would be rude to turn up at a wedding without at least a token gift [money or otherwise] but I think it would be equally rude for the couple to insinuate that the couple are obligated to contribute financially. That is the issue that the OP had with the invitation as far as I could understand.

But it is guest's choice whether to give present or not... I completely agree. I didn't see anywhere said that they must give present. Most of the posters here questioned the choice of present and that being "money" for the honeymoon. That was what I was mainly reffering to. Maybe not worded properly.

I didn't say anywhere that being rude is not to want to contribute at all - I actually said that every guest have a choice to contribute.

mrcow

dizziblonde wrote: »

I know one of my relatives is going to explicitly ignore my wishes and bring their child anyway - which means I'm going to have a delightful day of having the baby forced on me for "oh you want to hold her" "oh you'll be next" "why don't you have a kiddy yet"... which is why I wanted to block children from the wedding since I'm infertile and avoid family situations with kids at because I can't stand that endless line of questioning and explanation. If the relative in question does bring the kid - I'm going to have a lovely day of trying to avoid her totally - nice way to spoil my one wedding day huh?

I'm shocked that I've just read this.

You've asked for no children, yet they are coming to the wedding anyway and bringng their child? How old is this child?

I'd get my Mum to ring up and tell them "no".

dizziblonde

Sometimes with my family it's easier to play for the quiet life - sad thing is you can bunk school, let your friends in to rob yer parents' house, steal from relatives, attempt suicide for attention 9 times in a week (she never intended success btw), never do a day's work in your life - and yet the second you have a child you're revered as an angel who can do no wrong; yet if you go to school, the uni that's expected of you, build a job, never claim benefits even when you're entitiled and work from the day you leave uni... you're always the one in the wrong in my family. Funny set of priorities my lot have sometimes (the elderly relatives rank the grandchildren in "goodness" based on the quality and quantity of cups of tea they make).

It's seriously not worth the argument - I have to pick fights I can win with my lot! Bit that riles me is that this kid wasn't even wanted, will be dragged up - was concieved purely when the benefits agency started cracking down on the fact the girl in question had avoided having to get a job by every tactic going for well over a decade.

Yep... I'm somewhat bitter (especially considering we've waited and done everything "right" - job, stable couple, decent home - and infertility waved its magic wand at us) and will be spending the day of the wedding avoiding her.

Like I say - wedding forums (fora?) are full of tales of couples desperately trying to keep everyone happy and running themselves ragged compromising with their big day.

Broken_hearted

Agreed you do sound bitter, the child is loved and if the parent wants to show of their child it is not done to hurt you. You need to have some sort of therapy to overcome your own issues. as for the wedding having no kids there is your choice but most people come in family units no kids often means their parents choose not to come either.

SugarSpun

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Agreed you do sound bitter, the child is loved and if the parent wants to show of their child it is not done to hurt you. You need to have some sort of therapy to overcome your own issues. as for the wedding having no kids there is your choice but most people come in family units no kids often means their parents choose not to come either.

That doesn't mean the child should be welcome at an adults-only wedding where everyone else has respected the couples' wishes.

The parents could well choose to stay home; they don't have the right to bring an uninvited guest with them.

Kirri

I think this is just a sign of the times about how selfish and self absorbed and materialistic people are becoming unfortunately... and personally I find it distasteful people asking for money/vouchers/gifts whatever, regardless of how well set up people are in advance with the normal household items. Before someone says do I know how much weddings cost, yes also I think it is OTT spending out on them that much as well!

Some countries abroad are more about the people than the money which seems so much nicer.

I would rather have an event that people didn't feel they had to contribute to if they couldn't afford it, they got a gift if they wanted, didn't dress up if they didn't want to and just came along to celebrate what should be the main thing!

I don't like irritating children myself but I wouldn't ban them, it's always nicer to have a mix of ages anyway.


Oh and to the person that suggested taking a gift made by the children, that made me laugh!!!

ragdollabbi

If someone chooses not to have children at their wedding that is entirely up to them...they just send the invitation to the adults.....no offence is then taken by anyone. It was totally unnecessary of this couple to mention children/grandparents in their invitation. Why does anyone feel that it is 'their right' to have a honeymoon after their wedding.....and then expect someone else to pay for it. If this couple have everything they need, all I can say is 'lucky them' If they want a honeymoon after they are married let them pay for it themselves...they must have lots of spare cash as they are not spending it on other essentials. If you feel that you want to go to their wedding (I would and let them pay for your meal) I would go along with a small gift (preferably something that you know they already have or won't like)...Nasty!!!