Wedding list: They have asked for money

angelicmary85

SugarSpun wrote: »

The parents could well choose to stay home; they don't have the right to bring an uninvited guest with them.

I understand and respect your point of view however, I'm finding it quite difficult to understand how an innocent wee baby could be classed as an 'uninvited guest'? I do understand that babies are human beings aswell but babies are so innocent (and smell delicious!) and calling them 'unvited guests' seems a bit harsh or maybe I'm being overly maternal!

SugarSpun

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I understand and respect your point of view however, I'm finding it quite difficult to understand how an innocent wee baby could be classed as an 'uninvited guest'? I do understand that babies are human beings aswell but babies are so innocent (and smell delicious!) and calling them 'unvited guests' seems a bit harsh or maybe I'm being overly maternal!

Because the baby is a person and is not invited. It's not a value judgement on the baby, just a statement of fact: if the parents were invited without the baby the baby's an uninvited guest. The baby might be a wonderfully behaved, adorable, smiling and cooing little thing (like mine) and dressed in the cutest little party dress ever, but if the hosts of the party didn't invite him or her then it doesn't matter how adorable they are - they're in the wrong place.

If you think babies smell delicious I'd be glad to introduce you to mine - she's just issued a code brown and is smiling at me from inside a cloud of stench. Fortunately her father's on butt duty.

dizziblonde

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I understand and respect your point of view however, I'm finding it quite difficult to understand how an innocent wee baby could be classed as an 'uninvited guest'? I do understand that babies are human beings aswell but babies are so innocent (and smell delicious!) and calling them 'unvited guests' seems a bit harsh or maybe I'm being overly maternal!

I've tried to explain this before - not everyone is comfortable or confident around babies and small children, in the same way that you're never going to get me, as a die hard cat person, to be comfortable or happy around dogs - I'll smile sweetly and make "aww aren't they cute" noises - but I feel on edge, I feel tense and I wish they'd go sniff someone else's crotch.

Surprisingly some people are like that around babies - even, shock horror, some women don't turn to mush at the sight of every single small person in the world, the smell doesn't do anything for me either if I'm honest. What it does do to me at present is provoke something akin to a fight or flight response with me being desperate to remove myself from the situation before all the arkward assuming questions start and the issue of infertility rears its ugly head.

I don't want kids at my wedding - be them small, large, pink, purple or whatever - so yes, the family member who I know will present me with a fait accompli, ignore my wishes and show up baby in tow IS bringing an uninvited guest. It's a situation I'm essentially going to have to suck up and deal with for the entire day, and it's something I'm NOT going to forgive (it will be the final straw with me cutting all contact with this family member altogether if things pan out as I'm pretty sure they will) and I'll just have to smile sweetly and develop an urgent need for the loo at various moments during the course of the day - now to me, on my wedding day, it's unfair for me to be put in that situation.

It brings to mind another point which I think people should possibly be aware of a lot more with babies - infertility affects around 1 in 6 couples at some point, and it can provoke some very strong, and what may appear to those happily sprogged up, very unpalatable feelings in women. When you bring your new babies into work or whatever - please please please, don't try to pressgang every young female staff member into holding them and bug them about "awww when are you going to get one of your own" etc... many people suffering from infertility and going through assessment/treatment try to keep it very quiet (be it for the fact it involves sex and is somewhat rude, or whatever reason it is) - and they might be like me, desperately having to make the right noises and trying to edge away from the situation... it's not nice, we hate when we feel unpleasant about other people's joy, but after year on year of it - even the endless sex gets to be flipping annoying - and many of us DO go into baby avoidance measures... just think a little bit please because you never know quite why someone's childless/free/whatever you want to term it - it might be because they're a rabid child-hater, it might be because they've not found the right bloke, it might be because of the cards life has decided to deal them.

I didn't want kids at my wedding because I wanted to escape all of that for one special day - I'm incredibly angry that I won't be able to, but it's behaviour typical of the "guest" in question.

dizziblonde

ragdollabbi wrote: »

If someone chooses not to have children at their wedding that is entirely up to them...they just send the invitation to the adults.....no offence is then taken by anyone. It was totally unnecessary of this couple to mention children/grandparents in their invitation. Why does anyone feel that it is 'their right' to have a honeymoon after their wedding.....and then expect someone else to pay for it. If this couple have everything they need, all I can say is 'lucky them' If they want a honeymoon after they are married let them pay for it themselves...they must have lots of spare cash as they are not spending it on other essentials. If you feel that you want to go to their wedding (I would and let them pay for your meal) I would go along with a small gift (preferably something that you know they already have or won't like)...Nasty!!!

And we're not having a honeymoon after the wedding - we're skint, and my passport's ran out - and I was damned if I was paying out for another one so close to having a name change and having to pay out for it twice! If we have some spare cash we'll probably go on a city break somewhere in the UK but I'm not going to bankrupt myself for two weeks being bored witless on a beach somewhere (sunbathing = my idea of hell... I go in sun - I resemble beetroot - it hurts).

shellsuit

Dizzi, if you have requested no kids, and you think that family member will bring hers, why are you even inviting her?

Has she actually said she is bringing her child no matter what?

I'd tell her it's NO kids, that's in NO, as in NOBODYS kids and if she can't refrain from bringing her child, then you'd rather she didn't come at all.

Why are you going to let one person potentially ruin your day for you?

Why are you going to spend ££££££££'s on your day, when before it's even here you are worrying about her and her child?

You really need to say something, and if you can't, isn't there anyone else who could have a word in her ear? x

angelicmary85

I think you both may have mis-understood what I meant.

All I was trying to say is that I couldn't understand the term 'uninvited guest' as it didn't seem very nice to be calling a baby that but as I said, I understood the point about the baby crying and ruining the wedding.

Dizzi I've never forced either of my children onto anyone, there was a couple of older women that wanted a hold when I took them into work which, as they requested a cuddle, I didn't see any harm in it. If I was in your situation with the family member in question, I wouldn't have invited them.

SugarSpun I didn't mean the bottom end smells delicious, just the top end!

pigpen

OP.. Obviously it is their right to choose whether or not to invite children.. as it is your right whether or not to take a gift. In the same situation.. and yes with my 8 children I have been there.. I simply didn't go.. I am a package deal.. Me, My OH, my children and grudgingly I'd leave my cats home to guard the house lol. If I did choose to find someone insane enough to look after my children, assuming I could afford the bribery/blackmail fees (usually my youngest sis) I would not be making a contribution to their honeymoon.. not a penny.. I cannot afford to take the children on holiday (even if there were only 1 or 2.. I am just simply too poor!) so I sure as heck wouldn't be paying for someone else to go..and to feed my cynical bitterness, I didn't have a honeymoon and I survived!!

It is a work colleague, so not even a close friend or family member.. they are nothing to you.. would your life be greatly and adversely affected if you never set eyes on them again? If not then you won't be missing much by not going and they won't know who has paid for their holiday or not.

If I think about getting remarried, I am heading off to the middle of nowhere and getting therapy!!!

SugarSpun

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I think you both may have mis-understood what I meant.

All I was trying to say is that I couldn't understand the term 'uninvited guest' as it didn't seem very nice to be calling a baby that but as I said, I understood the point about the baby crying and ruining the wedding.

SugarSpun I didn't mean the bottom end smells delicious, just the top end!

It's nothing to do with the baby - if the parents brought a friend of theirs because they liked the friend so much that they didn't want to spend a Saturday evening without them, that friend would be an uninvited guest. The baby's just like a smaller version of their friend. It doesn't matter whether the friend (or the baby) is charming, fun and a great person to be around. They weren't invited by the hosts, for whatever reason, and they shouldn't be there.

And the top end of babies is where puke comes from. Trust me, I'm wearing my third shirt today

beccam

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I understand and respect your point of view however, I'm finding it quite difficult to understand how an innocent wee baby could be classed as an 'uninvited guest'? I do understand that babies are human beings aswell but babies are so innocent (and smell delicious!) and calling them 'unvited guests' seems a bit harsh or maybe I'm being overly maternal!

So what is a person to do....allow cute, sweet smelling babies but ban their ugly, stinky, annoying 6yr old sibling??

You either have kids at the wedding or you don't otherwise you are being VERY rude by picking and choosing which children you find acceptable!

Also people seem to forget that having kids at a wedding still costs money.

It was my choice to get married and thankfully had very few friends or family that had children so we were able to accomodate them, however we did our wedding very cheaply, found the best deal we could get on a reception, budgeted and planned etc etc.....then my parents offered to pay for the reception (at short notice) but my parents cannot afford to be forking out alot of money either!

I read about people expecting that not only should their child be automatically invited to the wedding, they should also have creche facilities, childrens entertainment and party bags provided :eek:

angelicmary85

SugarSpun wrote: »

And the top end of babies is where puke comes from. Trust me, I'm wearing my third shirt today

My wee boy has weak upper body muscles so can't keep anything down for more than about 5-10mins so I know all about puking! He's only 8months and I've had to shampoo the carpet 3 times already as vanish wasn't working