Wedding list: They have asked for money

red_devil

This was morning suits and long dresses in the evening. I dont believe in a dress code its pressure.

Lunar_Eclipse

*Louise* wrote: »

Wow - I have heard people agonising about how to word 'no children please' as politely as they can, so as not to offend, but that couple just couldn't be bothered, could they???:eek:

The thing is, you don't need to.

The wedding invite should be addressed to anyone who is invited, depending on how formal the wedding is and if you have Mr & Mrs Peter Jones request the company of, or not.

For instance, they should be written to
Andy and Carole or
Mr & Mrs D Smith or
Mr & Mrs D Smith and family/children's names or
Andy, Carole, Jake and Lucy etc

It doesn't take a genius to work out whether children are invited or welcome. It is usually very clear who is invited.

ETA: I think the invite is incredibly rude. Not only the wording, but also the request for money. It is very poor etiquette. I don't think I would ever give money as a wedding gift, especially if it was requested. My sister actually requested money at her wedding recently and I was really appalled.

scrimpingbadger

Well, I can appreciate the fact they might not want kids there. There's ways of phrasing it though.
As for the money - if they have everything they need they don't need any more money either. I have been invited to a wedding where they gave their bank details for us to pay money in!!

SugarSpun

red_devil wrote: »

we were invited to a fancy do in 97. It was in about 4 different places and there was a dress code. Dress code i ask you? People were moaning.

They arent together now!

It used to be that the time of day a wedding took place determined the dress code - an evening wedding would require evening dress as a matter of course. I remember watching the start of Prince Edward's wedding on the TV - there was great excitement because it was an evening wedding so everyone was in full glamorous evening dress, and a lively debate because etiquette dictates that one doesn't wear a hat to an evening function, but the Queen Mother always wore hats to weddings so what would she do?

I think she wore a fascinator in the end....

Weddings normally do have an implicit dress code - you dress nicely cause it's a wedding, and depending on the location/time of day/couple you dress up more or less. Morning suits and evening dresses together is a breach of etiquette - if women are in evening dresses men should be in black tie.

macma

we got married decades ago and didn't invite children apart from nephews and nieces as there were just so many and we paid for everything ourselves and money was tight .Noone seemed to mind as we were very polite about it.BUT your "friends" have been downright rude and I wouldn't attend if my life depended on it.The money things a bit "grubby" why should you pay for their holiday as lets face it if they've been living together long enough to have everything it's hardly a honeymoon

Idiophreak

Catblue wrote: »

All this "We have everything that we need so give us cash" stuff. So why are they asking for cash then if they have everything that they need?

Because there's probably stuff they *want*, or *want to do* on top of stuff they *need*.

To be fair, it's pretty rare that someone says "we just want cash please" - it would be weird, as you say, as it would just be like paying for your place at the wedding.

Most people say why they want the cash..."we'd like money toward the honeymoon", "we'd like money toward a house deposit", "we'd like money toward a sailboat" and so on. So you get a feeling they will get something they *want* with the money you give them.

red_devil

SugarSpun wrote: »

It used to be that the time of day a wedding took place determined the dress code - an evening wedding would require evening dress as a matter of course. I remember watching the start of Prince Edward's wedding on the TV - there was great excitement because it was an evening wedding so everyone was in full glamorous evening dress, and a lively debate because etiquette dictates that one doesn't wear a hat to an evening function, but the Queen Mother always wore hats to weddings so what would she do?

I think she wore a fascinator in the end....

Weddings normally do have an implicit dress code - you dress nicely cause it's a wedding, and depending on the location/time of day/couple you dress up more or less. Morning suits and evening dresses together is a breach of etiquette - if women are in evening dresses men should be in black tie.

yes your right it was black tie and evening dresses in the evening. It was in 4 places and different dress code. Thought it was abit ott and some of the men had to hire morning suits. Alot of fuss especially when 10 years later its all off and all change partners again.

SugarSpun

red_devil wrote: »

yes your right it was black tie and evening dresses in the evening. It was in 4 places and different dress code. Thought it was abit ott and some of the men had to hire morning suits. Alot of fuss especially when 10 years later its all off and all change partners again.

I think some people get a bit carried away by the occasion. I love occasions where I get to wear an evening dress and be escorted by a man in black tie (all men look gorgeous in black tie *swoons*) but then we've had to go to enough one way and another that we have the appropriate clothing in the wardrobe. Actually, only he does at this stage, my post-baby boobs won't fit in my evening dress

Your friends probably expected that their wedding would be the start of a lifelong marriage and didn't realise that in ten years they'd be divorcing - would it have been an acceptable level of fuss if they were still together?

red_devil

SugarSpun wrote: »

I think some people get a bit carried away by the occasion. I love occasions where I get to wear an evening dress and be escorted by a man in black tie (all men look gorgeous in black tie *swoons*) but then we've had to go to enough one way and another that we have the appropriate clothing in the wardrobe. Actually, only he does at this stage, my post-baby boobs won't fit in my evening dress

Your friends probably expected that their wedding would be the start of a lifelong marriage and didn't realise that in ten years they'd be divorcing - would it have been an acceptable level of fuss if they were still together?

good question dont know. I guess at the end of the day it was the day they wanted and yes your right they thought they would last.

its quite alot of demands to make on guests though to be here and there and wear this and that!

Sligo

Hope no-one ever has to attend a wedding here in Eire!! No wedding present lists - they are considered very rude! Cash is expected and going rate for a couple attending a wedding would be at least €200-250. And that's just for friends! If it was nephew/niece it would be expected to be double that!! And as for brothers/sisters just take out a second mortgage!

No seperate evening receptions here. Just the one big do with meal and have been at weddings with 300 -400 guests!! Some people would get evening invitations to join the party after the meal and that used to be considered an enormous insult - you were being invited "to lick the plates" was the phrase used!!

The attitude is that you have to give enough cash to cover the cost of being a the meal!! After 20 years here I'm still trying to get my head round it! Thankfully we haven't been invited to any weddings in last couple of years!!