Wedding list: They have asked for money

ninky_2

euronorris wrote: »

Oh Ninky, you have me craving English food with just the mention of 'buffet'! Good job I'm heading to UK tomorrow evening!

haha. well it was actually more of a curries and rice international flavour buffet rather than sandwiches and mums-gone-to-iceland fayre. i think most people prefer a buffet tbh. then you can eat as much or as little as you like and food doesn't get wasted on plates. a lot of wedding venues seem to really overcharge for mediocre catering and stingy portions.

SugarSpun

ninky wrote: »

a lot of wedding venues seem to really overcharge for mediocre catering and stingy portions.

We looked at one place and told them it was a reservation for a wedding dinner. We'd already looked at their website and they had a two-course dinner menu including wine and coffee for £15/head.

They offered us the same options as the set menu - but for £40/head and without the coffee and wine. Then they wanted £300 to decorate the room for us and £12/person for a dessert course.

We thanked them and said no.

red_devil

ellieo wrote: »

oh yes it was applicable to everyone
that was over 13 years ago now, i think they now see things in a different light as they have their own child!!

i think your right that people see it differently when they have a child.

euronorris

ninky wrote: »

haha. well it was actually more of a curries and rice international flavour buffet rather than sandwiches and mums-gone-to-iceland fayre. i think most people prefer a buffet tbh. then you can eat as much or as little as you like and food doesn't get wasted on plates. a lot of wedding venues seem to really overcharge for mediocre catering and stingy portions.

Yeah, food does tend to get wasted.

I wasn't able to eat my meal in full at my sister's wedding, even though it was delicious, as I had flu and my nose was completely blocked. I needed my mouth for breathing, so eating was challenging to say the least! I think I only managed about 3 mouthfuls before my plate was collected

Person_one

ellieo wrote: »

when my brother got married the invite stated no children
i thought if my 3 year old wasnt welcome then i wasnt too.
stayed away

I don't understand this attitude from parents that they think there children should be welcome everywhere they are. I'm sure you love your 3 year old but why would other adults feel that they are good company? Children who aren't your own hold little interest for lots of adults unless you're close to them and have spent lots of time with them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring adult company and I certainly don't think parents and their children have to come as a 'unit', otherwise children would be invited to hen parties, birthdays, housewarmings, theatre trips, dinner parties etc and there would be a lot less work for babysitters!

Sunshine12

I think it should be up to the couple if children are invited or not as its their day and therefore should be their choice but if they worded it in such a way as in the original post I would be really offended. Also have heard of people saying no gifts as dont need anything and if anyone really wanted to then they could give money which would go towards couples honeymoon. The ones Ive been at like this have had a "box" where people can put money if they want to but means how much everyone put in was completely anonymous and also meant that people didnt feel obliged to if they didnt want to. I think this couple sound pretty spoiled and dont have any manners to word an invitation the way they have done.

The_Banker_5

elastigirl wrote: »

We have been invited to a wedding and i was a little surprised at how they worded some of it,
I don't have a problem with their wishes but it's how they have said it, Maybe it is just me but i have found it a bit rude.

They have a no children rule this is fine as we only take our son to them if they are family weddings and this is a friends. But they wrote on the invite

''Over the last few years it was your choice and decision to go off and have lots of children but it wasn't ours however it is our choice and decision not to have them at our wedding, so leave them with the grandparents.

The gift list inclosed was a card that said no actual gifts as we have everything we need. please give us money to pay for the honeymoon.
Then there is details of a company where we either send a cheque or ring and give our credit/debit card details so that the money directly pays off the honeymoon.

I am a little un easy about giving money as i guess it isn't the normal thing to do and we aren't used to it. I would feel cheap giving them £20-£30 in cash wheres a gift can look alot more. i don't know how much to give as they are really only a work friend, i would prefer to give a gift really.

Seriously, I would send the invitations back to them with a short ..........."STUFF YOU" written on them.;)

spugzbunny

I do think the part about children has been worded very badly and would get my back up even though I don't have kids!

But .... Do people really think it's rude to ask for money? That is what I was going to do and every wedding I have been to as an adult (except one) have done the same. It's always been asked in a polite and often amusing way and I think it's a lot less wasteful than 25 toasters and certainly a lot less rude than being told I have to pick off a list!

On a similar note - a friend of mine went to a wedding a few months ago and didn't have time to buy a gift. A few weeks after the wedding she was sent a reminder card saying (paraphrased) 'It was lovely to see you but we don't appear to have received your gift. You can send it to...' She (stupidly) replied back to apologise but thought about it and decided not to send anything as she felt it was bit rude. She then got a second reminder!!!! Now that is damn cheeky in my books!

S1976

spugzbunny wrote: »

I do think the part about children has been worded very badly and would get my back up even though I don't have kids!

But .... Do people really think it's rude to ask for money? That is what I was going to do and every wedding I have been to as an adult (except one) have done the same. It's always been asked in a polite and often amusing way and I think it's a lot less wasteful than 25 toasters and certainly a lot less rude than being told I have to pick off a list!

On a similar note - a friend of mine went to a wedding a few months ago and didn't have time to buy a gift. A few weeks after the wedding she was sent a reminder card saying (paraphrased) 'It was lovely to see you but we don't appear to have received your gift. You can send it to...' She (stupidly) replied back to apologise but thought about it and decided not to send anything as she felt it was bit rude. She then got a second reminder!!!! Now that is damn cheeky in my books!

I don't think it's rude to ask for money so long as its asked for in a way so people don't feel oblidged to give more than they can afford I think that's perfectly OK to do.

I don't know about a reminder card though lol,

Person_one

spugzbunny wrote: »

I do think the part about children has been worded very badly and would get my back up even though I don't have kids!

But .... Do people really think it's rude to ask for money? That is what I was going to do and every wedding I have been to as an adult (except one) have done the same. It's always been asked in a polite and often amusing way and I think it's a lot less wasteful than 25 toasters and certainly a lot less rude than being told I have to pick off a list!

On a similar note - a friend of mine went to a wedding a few months ago and didn't have time to buy a gift. A few weeks after the wedding she was sent a reminder card saying (paraphrased) 'It was lovely to see you but we don't appear to have received your gift. You can send it to...' She (stupidly) replied back to apologise but thought about it and decided not to send anything as she felt it was bit rude. She then got a second reminder!!!! Now that is damn cheeky in my books!

Yes I'm afraid it is rude to ask for or expect any kind of gift. The best way to do it is to mention nothing in the invite but if anyone asks you say

"oh we have all the household things we need thank you, you don't need to get us anything but we are saving up for x item if you really wanted to help us."

Or phrase it better than I did! And hope word spreads but be grateful for every ugly tablecloth because it's more than you're owed which is nothing!