Child wanting to please both parents

hippychick1

I am getting incredibly worried reading this thread. Child359, you sound just like me!! My ex OH will be introducing my young children to his gf and her children next weekend, and I am extremely worried how things are eventually going to turn out. Eventually, a few months down the line they will be staying there for for the weekend. I am hoping, after reading this thread, that things will be ok!!!!

Valli

hippychick1 wrote: »

I am getting incredibly worried reading this thread. Child359, you sound just like me!! My ex OH will be introducing my young children to his gf and her children next weekend, and I am extremely worried how things are eventually going to turn out. Eventually, a few months down the line they will be staying there for for the weekend. I am hoping, after reading this thread, that things will be ok!!!!

Well you could talk to their dad and tell him that although you realise he will have some committment and responsibility (I hope) to the GF's kiddies perhaps he could make sure that he sees them sometimes on his own - to keep their relationship strong and while they 'get used' to GF. For instance maybe GF will have her kids at their dads and take the opportunity to have some 'me time' so that dad and your kids can have special time on their own.

One of my friends, a mum of 3, had (and might still have), at the weekend 'golden time' with just one of her kids at a time, while the other two stay with their dad. The kid chooses what to do/where to go and it gives her 1-1 time with each child. I don't know it it's every weekend but I think it was a way for her, as a SAHM to focus on each of her children in turn.

hippychick1

The problem is we split because he was seeing this woman, and despite all his promises of sorting out somewhere to live, so the children can have a bedroom at his new house, he goes and moves in with this woman and her children. When he has the children at the moment, he stays at my house, and I stay at my dads, otherwise he wouldn't have the quality time with the children that he wants.

I do worry, that in a few weeks my children will be forced to join in with his 'new' family, and won't have quality time with their dad like they get now.

Valli

Flipping heck I am having deja vu here...
is it some line they get from a solicitors or something
'I will buy my own house and there will be a bedroom for the kids...'
good job I didn't hold my breath!

Good luck with it Hippychick...I was giving your ex the benefit of the doubt and attributing him with common sense.
*slaps self round face so is able to see things as they really are;)*

child359

lynzpower wrote: »

it sounds to me like ex is possibly feeling rather guilty about your son and his emotional issues. Could it be that this is the reason he is insistent his son is having a wonderful time. If he wanted to cuddle step-sibs then he'd be doing it, not cajoled or forced into it. Him painting a pretty picture doesn't wash when your son is telling you how he feels. If your son says he wants 1 to 1 time and ex is wanting large happy families, someone is trying to push a round peg into the proverbial square hole.

I think your ex needs to grow up prionto and recognise that your son is hurt by his actions. Ex needs to realise that son is not comfortable and HE as the PARENT needs to change that. Why cant he give one to one time. What on earth is that about? I can totally see why son feels the way he does

Hugs to you you sound like a great mum x

Thank you so much for your post.
I think the sticking block is that I don't think that ex believes me. DS did tell him he wanted time on his own. DS got upset with me that all his presents at Xmas were named from Daddy and g/f and not one from just Daddy He also saw a Xmas card to g/f's son that said "To a special son" and it was worded from g/f and Daddy!!! You can imagine how upset he was at that. Again none of this he has told his Dad! and won't do
also think there is a certain amount of pressure from the g/f as well to do stuff together. I may be completely wrong here but ex has always found it easier to go along with something rather than rock the boat so I assume it is happening in this relationship. He has commented on how insecure she is...I am not even allowed to text ex's mobile or ring when he has DS because she doesn't like it and gets annoyed!!!
If I do text, it is just ignored or an insufficent one word answer.

child359

hippychick1 wrote: »

I am getting incredibly worried reading this thread. Child359, you sound just like me!! My ex OH will be introducing my young children to his gf and her children next weekend, and I am extremely worried how things are eventually going to turn out. Eventually, a few months down the line they will be staying there for for the weekend. I am hoping, after reading this thread, that things will be ok!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Hippychick think that all Dads are like this. Hopefully your situation will be fine.
It must be soooo hard for you. I know how hard it was for me and this g/f wasn't the one involved in our split either. Any woman having contact with your children can be really unnerving but hopefully she is the kind of person that will make your Ex be the good Dad you hope him to be around your children.

Keep the faith. Most Dads aren't as inconsiderate as my Ex:o

vik6525

Just a thought.....

You dont think that its the ex and his new g/f trying too hard thats the problem do you?
Like, theyre trying to be a big 'happy family' and stuff, and maybe your little un is frightened that it means he'll get a 'new mother' and thats why he gets so upset?

hippychick1

I very very much doubt she is having a positive impact on my ex. She moved him in after 6 weeks. If I had been seeing a guy for 6 weeks, there's no way he would have even met my children, never mind have moved in!!!!!

I have struggled to keep everything amicable between my ex and I over the last couple of months, he just wants everything his way. He is actually asking for more contact at the moment. My family and friends are very suspicious that he wants to go for full custody. The reason for this being his gf is unemployed, and from next month so will he be. A house full of children could bring in no end of benefits :rolleyes:. I am waiting to be proved wrong, but usually his nasty selfish side prevails. Who knows, maybe he is actually trying to put his children first this time. Pigs do fly you know!

So sorry for hijacking your thread, just needed to vent. I hope your ex listens to you. Sometimes these men just don't want to back down, even if it is in the best interest of our children :mad:

child359

vik6525 wrote: »

Just a thought.....

You dont think that its the ex and his new g/f trying too hard thats the problem do you?
Like, theyre trying to be a big 'happy family' and stuff, and maybe your little un is frightened that it means he'll get a 'new mother' and thats why he gets so upset?

:wave:
Little' un worried he will get a new mother!!!!! Not that I tell him, but that is one of my fears that he will start calling her or be asked to call her Mum:eek: Especially since they have been so full on!!!

This may be one of DS's worries actually. Never thought of that!

vik6525

child359 wrote: »

:wave:
Little' un worried he get a new mother!!!!! Not that I tell him but that is one of my fears that he will start calling her or be asked to call her Mum:eek: Especially since they have been so full on!!!

This may be one of DS's worries actually. Never thought of that!

Im full of bright ideas me!

It may be worth exploring with him though. He may be scared that as part of the 'happy family' thing theyve got going on there, in his little mind, it might be the next step, iyswim?