URGENT Mother refusing to drop off son!

maggied_2

Curious_George wrote: »

well then maybe im just in that lucky group of people who can make arrangements for their children without involving legal advice... :rolleyes:

she lives with me, my OH and our 2 year old, when EX is home they see each other as much as they both want and thats great
but... if EX doesnt turn up, ask to have her or whatever, shes here with me 24/7,
I think thats an important point in this that bears repeating he only has her if he wants too
I have parental responsibility therefore any plans anyone else has for DD including going round a friends for tea, sleepovers OR going round daddys has to go through me!
we may not be together anymore but even when we were the majority of decisions involving her were/are left to me,

maybe thats just the way we do it, but it works, but like i said me OH and EX have a pretty solid parenting team thing going on, OHs opinion as the step parent to be is as valid as anyone elses, we all talk to each other, even when one of us is being difficult because it is in the best interests of our child.
maybe thats how we manage to get through "urgent" situations like being 2 hours late for something without invoving solicitors or frantic drama llama moments!

point scoring is the most petty and destructive way to raise a child, i should know my parents were idiots!

Big sigh!! That sounds great!

In our situation access is quite regimented so OH sees his DD quite a lot. We're currently going through the court process (don't worry everyone - I'm not involved:D) because after 7/8 years of putting up with his X's carp OH decided he would have to take it to court - X stopped our holiday (who missed out? Yep, his DD) and then threatened to stop him seeing her at Christmas - all because she changed the goalposts on a financial arrangement that had been in place for ages.

Having to constantly deal with, and second guess a demented, vindictive X is a hell of a test of your relationship, emotions and sanity! I salute any separated parents who make this work without the vitriol.

daska

Curious_George wrote: »

well then maybe im just in that lucky group of people who can make arrangements for their children without involving legal advice... :rolleyes:

she lives with me, my OH and our 2 year old, when EX is home they see each other as much as they both want and thats great
but... if EX doesnt turn up, ask to have her or whatever, shes here with me 24/7,
I think thats an important point in this that bears repeating he only has her if he wants too
I have parental responsibility therefore any plans anyone else has for DD including going round a friends for tea, sleepovers OR going round daddys has to go through me!
we may not be together anymore but even when we were the majority of decisions involving her were/are left to me,

maybe thats just the way we do it, but it works, but like i said me OH and EX have a pretty solid parenting team thing going on, OHs opinion as the step parent to be is as valid as anyone elses, we all talk to each other, even when one of us is being difficult because it is in the best interests of our child.
maybe thats how we manage to get through "urgent" situations like being 2 hours late for something without invoving solicitors or frantic drama llama moments!

point scoring is the most petty and destructive way to raise a child, i should know my parents were idiots!

Lucky you!

Some of us PWCPs have to cope with NRP's applying to vary contact orders that aren't even valid any more on the basis that they can't afford to travel to visit the child that's actually staying with them at the time the application is made...

Some of us PWCs have to cope with NRPs who disappear with child, send a text threatening to move to another country and then turn the phone off for two weeks... :mad:

Curious_George_2

daska - sorry to hear that your not all as lucky as me, but knowing a bit of each others back story can help to understand why we give the advice we do...
my experience of "shared" childcare is v-e-r-y different from yours, so i guess my advice to the OP will be too

sadly not everyone is interested in whats best for the kids,

and maggied - we have to second guess OH demented, vindictive batsh!t crazy ex all the time... but luckily they didnt have any children together!

worriedsik

I didnt have any problems making it work because my dd's dad was living down south and he only turned up every cpl off months sometimes with a new girlfriend in tow
This was normally at xmas and my DD kinda went along anyway because she was missing her dad & i never said anything to DD but i had a word in his ear !!

It never sank in though , he even decided to get married to a woman he had only been seeing for a few months & my daughter was expected to go to his wedding ( which she did do even although she was taking important exams at the time ) and i never said a word because i didnt want him to think it was sour grapes ( which it certainly wouldnt have been ) but none off the two off them cared about what was important to my DD at that time...alas she made it to uni anyway with no thanks to him and his selfish ways !
There marriage never lasted only one year it turned out she was a gold digger & low and behold he turned up this xmas with a new model ! & my DD is 18 now and i guess she is old enough to pass her own opinion but i still think he had a cheek since he would only be seeing her for a couple off days i would have thought he would have wanted to spend it with her without another stranger in tow.

I have kept quite on many occasions to save my daughters feelings but when the gold digger and him were about splitting up the selfish B**ch tried to chat to my daughter on msn telling her storys about her father !!! thats when i told him to tell his bint that if she speaks to my DD again i would break every bone in her body !

just a wee rant lol

maggied_2

It's really interesting seeing how people's 'back stories' colour how they think of these situations.

For example - worriedsik I can now see why you wouldn't take kindly to any involvement from a new girlfriend given how your ex has behaved.
And CG - given how your set up works with your X seeing your DD when he wants to I now understand where you're coming from.

When we have DD she goes on sleepovers etc sometimes which her mum wouldn't know about (not because it's hidden from her, just because when she's with us X doesn't have any involvement - anymore, thank God!) - so our set up is very different. Not saying there are rights and wrongs BTW - as long as the children are happy it doesn't really matter does it?

I could write a very long list of all the cruddy things X has done over the 4 years we've been together (I won't) but this is what gives me some sympathy with anyone dealing with a difficult X.

ETA - sorry, cross posted CG! Didn't mean to write exactly the same thing

worriedsik

Maggied...i wouldnt have minded if a new girlfriend took ''some'' involvement with my DD as long as she was there for more than 2 months lol and iam the one who has always been here for my DD and i most deff know whats best for her believe me on that one & i wouldnt want another woman instiling her life style morals values & way off life onto my DD & asking her when she last had a bath but then iam a good mum brought her up single handed & iam proud off her getting a place at uni so i wasnt wrong when i thought that i knew what was best for my daughter
I just think the OP should think outside the box , i mean 2 hrs isnt that urgent is it and sometimes by showing your displeasure at such a small thing may only make matters worse in the long run its not worth it.

When i first seen urgent i thought somebody had been murdered lol

daska

No, my definition of urgent is very different to the OP's as well. For me 'urgent' would be child not arriving back from a court ordered contact week and no response to attempts to phone/text/write during the previous week... especially when it's 4.30 on Friday afternoon and you have an hour's trip to find the relevant SS telephone number

maggied_2

Blimey Daksa....

I guess we've all got our nightmare stories....amazing what people can do to each other really.

miss.bint

Can I just clarify why I ask my DSD when she last had a bath....?

1. She has had several infections due to not wiping herself properly

2. I usually have to cut her toe nails because they get that bad they tear through her socks

3. Her mother is a lazy bastage (you get the idea)

4. We have a routine in our house. We bathe our 2 year old every night before bed as it really helps to settle her, so we automatically ask DSD when she last had a bath so we can work out what order the baths/showers are going in, iykwim?

:rolleyes:

Annie_Other

Go back to your solicitor if the child's mother is in breach of the order.