URGENT Mother refusing to drop off son!

hannah-j_3

MrsTine wrote: »

OP - as someone who's had several stepmums over the years (dad currently married to wife number 5...) can I point out to you that if you carry on like this then you will alienate the child big style and one day you may end up making your partner choose between you and his child... 99.9% certain that YOU will loose. Trust me on this... My dads current wife is the first one I have liked and approved off since he and my mum divorced - in hindsight my dad agrees ironically As a child I just saw through them a lot quicker than he did.

Stop fighting with his ex - she's his ex, not his current. There is nothing to fight about. If the child occassionally goes to sports club then this is hardly out of the norm and chances are she's already paid for him to go and frankly I'd not feel like wasting that money or jumping to attention either just because you were huffing about it.

Leave the contact to your partner - it's HIS child and HIS ex - I'm sure being a step mum is a hard gig - but you probably knew that when you took it on

Very well said, now waiting for the 'my fiance dumped me' thread :rolleyes:

onetomany

stacey you need to back away hunnie , it between ur partner and his x , just because the little man vents his veiws dosent mean he really wants to live with his dad it could be , hes thinking i wished mum and dad was together and he wants both , (i went thro this with my son), just because u have a solictors letter that dosent really count for anything , you need to go to court but i would advise against that if hes having connact every weekend hun thats a lot and he probley will be awarded less, please try to rember that in the week days it isnt all quality time the mum spends with him, she has jobs , dinner etc to get on with , she probley thaught hey hes of school im gonna build a snowman with him while i have the chance and i dont blame her, sorry if i sound bitter but my x was fine for 11 years untill his girlfriend started laying down the law as a pwc its so frusrating , hope it works out for you but please dont begruge his mum spending a bit more time with him after all being a mum isnt just about doing the boring stuff x

S1976

staceysteve wrote: »

Regarding the joint residency may I remind you all it is not me who is behind wanting it, the little boy is the driving force becuase as he has grown up he has become more and more vocal about wanting to be with his father and is now fed up of his mother's behaviour.

All children get fed up with one parent at one time or another, it doesn't usually mean they really wish to leave the parent they are living with, it simply means they are trying to please the parent they feel needs them more by saying what they think the other parent wants to hear. Children have an ability where they can sense situations and will try to diffuse things even at a young age. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you do need to back of and stand back and let the parents sort this out. If the child is loved and well cared for by his mother, then the sheer fact he is fed up of her behaviour as you say leads me to think that this poor lad is being pulled in two directions - be very careful because eventually he will resent having to make that choice.

galvanizersbaby

S1976 wrote: »

All children get fed up with one parent at one time or another, it doesn't usually mean they really wish to leave the parent they are living with, it simply means they are trying to please the parent they feel needs them more by saying what they think the other parent wants to hear. Children have an ability where they can sense situations and will try to diffuse things even at a young age. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you do need to back of and stand back and let the parents sort this out. If the child is loved and well cared for by his mother, then the sheer fact he is fed up of her behaviour as you say leads me to think that this poor lad is being pulled in two directions - be very careful because eventually he will resent having to make that choice.

This is a very good point - I was thinking exactly that myself - especially with OP mentioning how much the boy wants to be with his father and how vocal he is about it

becs

Poor little boy!

MarsdenCuckoo

staceysteve wrote: »

My fiance's ex is refusing drop off their son to him this afternoon at the agreed time.
He normally picks him up from school at 1:30, sometimes he does a sports club till 3:30 but on the weeks he doesn't and during school holidays (when he isn't with my fiance) he picks him up at 1:30.
Now all the schools are closed and so we should be picking him up at 1:30 but she is refusing to do so till 3:30 which mucks up our afternoon as we had plans with him.
What can we do?? We are so sick of this woman dictating what the little guy does especially as we have it in a solicitors letter that that's what time we pick up him and we know he will want to be with us asap!!

Sounds to me like you're more interested in the power game than the child.

Don't understand why, if your OH normally picks the child up why you're stamping your fee at the child's mum not dropping him off to suit you.

Put the child first and your petty battles second and maybe life will become a lot less stressful.

Good luck.

Spendless

shellsuit wrote: »

I understand that part, but the OP is complaining saying that the boys Mother won't drop him off.

Drop him off where (if Dad is meant to be picking him up)? That's what I don't get

I don't understand what the urgency is either ~ it doesn't look like the Mother is doing anything wrong to me, looks like they have all mucked up with the times, that's all.

aahhh Though maybe they meant mum is refusing to drop him off at X place (grandmas, the car park by the shops etc etc) where Dad is picking him up from.

Just sounds like a communication break down to me. Dad thought he would pick up child at 1.30 as that is what would have happened if school had been open, mum decided as school isn't open to keep him for longer (for whatever reason).

Though I doubt the OP will come back and explain.

Curious_George_2

staceysteve wrote: »

I will certainly think twice before posting again.
I had thought this was how we were all supposed to behave:
Pls be nice to all MoneySavers. There's no such thing as a stupid question, and even if you disagree courtesy helps.

I dont think anyone was rude to you, certainly no ruder than you were to me anyway...
just because you dont get the answers you want doesnt mean we were judging you or not being nice,
people can only answer on the information given and we are all very aware that 2 sides of the same story can be very different,
dealing with Ex's is a very tricky thing, especially when children are involved but if this is the way you speak to people that you have asked for help, maybe you should be thinking twice before posting!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Have you considered that;

a) LO may think that if he says he wants to live with his Dad, that means his Mum and his Dad will live together, not including you?

b) LO may be saying what you want to hear because it's too scary when small to say 'No, I want to stay with Mummy.'?

c) It's easy to think poor, misunderstood bloke when you weren't around at the time of the split. He could have behaved atrociously but won't admit it.

d) You are teaching LO that you hate half of him. And someone he loves above anyone else in the whole world?


Time with children isn't a matter of receiving entitlements, it is a precious gift that should be appreciated, no matter how brief, not dismissed as a mere demonstration of being hard done by.

There's plenty of time for the LO to decide that Mum doesn't understand him - usually around the time he gets his first girlfriend. Until then, you'll both earn greater respect by being careful not to say anything to criticise or undermine his mother. Because he'll only ever have one.

csh_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Have you considered that;

a) LO may think that if he says he wants to live with his Dad, that means his Mum and his Dad will live together, not including you?

b) LO may be saying what you want to hear because it's too scary when small to say 'No, I want to stay with Mummy.'?

c) It's easy to think poor, misunderstood bloke when you weren't around at the time of the split. He could have behaved atrociously but won't admit it.

d) You are teaching LO that you hate half of him. And someone he loves above anyone else in the whole world?


Time with children isn't a matter of receiving entitlements, it is a precious gift that should be appreciated, no matter how brief, not dismissed as a mere demonstration of being hard done by.

There's plenty of time for the LO to decide that Mum doesn't understand him - usually around the time he gets his first girlfriend. Until then, you'll both earn greater respect by being careful not to say anything to criticise or undermine his mother. Because he'll only ever have one.

Think thats the problem. Its not the OP, and no matter how much she stamps her feet and causes problems it never will be.