URGENT Mother refusing to drop off son!

Bonnie2009

Maybe if you weren't so confrontational you might have more success when communicating with your fiance's ex wife?

To be honest, in both this thread and the other thread you sound an absolute nightmare. I'm sure your fiance and his ex would have a far better chance of working this out if you weren't aggravating things.

It's noticeable he's not on here complaining.

Remember, this isn't your child.

Bonnie2009

daska wrote: »

Official guidance to schools is:

"Everyone who is a parent, whether they are a resident or non-resident parent, has the same right to participate in decisions about a child's education and receive information about the child. "

Who is a "Parent"?
Section 576 of the Education Act 1996 defines parent as:

• All natural (biological) parents, whether they are married or not;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has parental responsibility for a child or young person;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has care of a child or young person.

This still doesn't mean that the OP is the child's parent.

dtc04

daska wrote: »

Official guidance to schools is:

"Everyone who is a parent, whether they are a resident or non-resident parent, has the same right to participate in decisions about a child's education and receive information about the child. "

Who is a "Parent"?
Section 576 of the Education Act 1996 defines parent as:

• All natural (biological) parents, whether they are married or not;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has parental responsibility for a child or young person;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has care of a child or young person.

But he only visits he doesn't live there, she isn't his parent.

I have key children at work, while they are in my care that doesn't make me their parent.
My childminder has my children for 37 hours a week while they are in her care she is not their parent.
My mother has my eldest one or two nights a week, while she is there my mother has care of her, she is not her parent.

If there was a residency order in place it would be different, but the mother is the parent with care. Someone I know has their Grandson living with him, which makes him the parent with care.

This is best sorted between the parents.

daska

dtc04 wrote: »

But he only visits he doesn't live there, she isn't his parent.

I have key children at work, while they are in my care that doesn't make me their parent.
My childminder has my children for 37 hours a week while they are in her care she is not their parent.
My mother has my eldest one or two nights a week, while she is there my mother has care of her, she is not her parent.

If there was a residency order in place it would be different, but the mother is the parent with care. Someone I know has their Grandson living with him, which makes him the parent with care.

This is best sorted between the parents.

I agree. But it wasn't quite as cut and dried as the original post made out. There are parents who don't have parental responsibility and non-parents who do have parental responsibility. I didn't want to get into an argument, hence just posting the facts.

I was DSD's parent in the eyes of the school even though my husband didn't have parental responsibility, for the simple reason that she was in our care. Some schools don't appear to be aware of the guidance, one of the schools DSD had attended refused to provide her dad with any information even though he had a residency order, on the basis that he didn't have parental responsibility.

dtc04

I think if he lived with her it would be diffrent, but as it stands he doesnt. Being a step parent isnt easy and you are always going to be in a difficult position, and some things are best left to the parents. I also think that there was some degree of over raction, the mother didnt refuse to bring the child she just wanted to bring him later. It could have been handled better by the mother as well, if she had explained why, or even asked if it was ok because hes enjoying the snow with his friends or what ever her reason was all the bad feeling could have been avoided maybe.

I have an exelent step mother. She considers me her daugter and my children her grandchildren, she would do anything for me and has always been like that. But when I was growing up, even at the times I lived with her she understood that as difficult as it was when they can hardly talk to each other somethings had to be sorted between my parents.

Mrs_Moc

I really fail to see the URGENCY in this.

Its 2 hours just what is so URGENT.

I think your over reacting, and I also think this has nothing to do with you. Its between the parents to sort out. You do come across very aggressive in your posts if you dont like other points of view, and Curious George was only trying to help you!!!!

I really would not be happy with any of my children going to visit you and would probably try to postpone it as well.

Bonnie2009

Mrs_Moc wrote: »

I really fail to see the URGENCY in this.

I agree! There has to be give and take when parents are sharing care of a child - I would find it impossible to stick to a rigid regime, but then I have always encouraged my children to see their father.

looktothefuture

As a stepmother in the same situation, I do empathise a little bit with the OP! It pee's me off no end when my SS's mother changes plans last minute, demands he be collected then and there and disregards any plans made in advance that we make for her son (i.e birthday parties, days out, friends parties).

However, as I share a life with this woman I have had no choice but to bite my tounge and put up with her demands for an easier life. I've fought back, oh believe me I have, but it has never been worth it... she tries to make my life miserable anyway whether I fight or stay away - it's not what she thinks of me that matters anyway, it's what her son feels about me that does!

OP, I've learned the hard way to keep out of something that I'm not a part of - I am not the child's parent (but a guardian while he's in my home!). I now leave the decision making to his father and mother (although it's mostly mothers way or no way!!!!!!!) and yes, this winds me up no end and I cry and stamp my feet when I feel hard done by but it all comes back to " I am not his mother"

shellsuit

Grow up the lot of you.

That's all I have to say.

daska

looktothefuture wrote: »

As a stepmother in the same situation, I do empathise a little bit with the OP! It pee's me off no end when my SS's mother changes plans last minute, demands he be collected then and there and disregards any plans made in advance that we make for her son (i.e birthday parties, days out, friends parties).

However, as I share a life with this woman I have had no choice but to bite my tounge and put up with her demands for an easier life. I've fought back, oh believe me I have, but it has never been worth it... she tries to make my life miserable anyway whether I fight or stay away - it's not what she thinks of me that matters anyway, it's what her son feels about me that does!

OP, I've learned the hard way to keep out of something that I'm not a part of - I am not the child's parent (but a guardian while he's in my home!). I now leave the decision making to his father and mother (although it's mostly mothers way or no way!!!!!!!) and yes, this winds me up no end and I cry and stamp my feet when I feel hard done by but it all comes back to " I am not his mother"

Oh boy is it difficult to bite that tongue at times though, when you've booked tickets for a show that the child wants to go to and you can't even contact the mum or mum can't be bothered to return prescription medicine or make sure she packs her coat.

From a slightly different perspective. DH is seriously ill and I can't say "I can't/won't do it because I'm not her mother" because her mum won't do it and her dad can't. If something needs sorting it's me or it probably won't get done.