URGENT Mother refusing to drop off son!

staceysteve

It's hard to not wind up someone up as ridiculous as this women, she does not give a dam what their son its about her and no one else.
Why do fathers have to put up with mothers dictating their children's lives even against the child's wishes??
Equal rights to all parents!

galvanizersbaby

staceysteve wrote: »

It's hard to not wind up someone up as ridiculous as this women, she does not give a dam what their son its about her and no one else.
Why do fathers have to put up with mothers dictating their children's lives even against the child's wishes??
Equal rights to all parents!

'Now all the schools are closed and so we should be picking him up at 1:30 but she is refusing to do so till 3:30 which mucks up our afternoon as we had plans with him.'

Hi Staceysteve

Just wondering what reason mum is giving for you not being able to pick him up until 3.30?
Has the snow disrupted her working day? - has she has to rejiggle things?

EDIT - Just re read your posts to say that she is not at work and has given the sports club as a reason - perhaps she has made plans to do something with him today in the snow?
Is picking him up a couple of hours later such a large problem?

Feel a bit sorry for the little lad

loftus

As much as her attitude winds you up is it worth causing such possible upset, including to your partners son, by turning up at 1.30?
Let it go this time, from your other posts it sounds like you have bigger battles to fight.

JBD

Stacy, I think you are getting a little bit too involved in this personally. Perhaps you should stand back a little bit and let the parents sort it out between themselves. You do sound rather antagonistic towards the mother and TBH a little bit of a drama queen yourself.

daska

In perspective... she's not refusing to drop him off, she's just not doing it at exactly the time you want. Yes, OK, the solicitor's letter states this time but it's not a court order and life isn't totally predictable. If you want it set in stone then you need to take it to court.

We've stood on station platforms for hours waiting for DSD's mum to drop her off and when we've finally managed to get through to her we've been told, 'oh no, we're not coming back until tomorrow/sunday/next week/ever' (cue call to SS who had her back within 24 hours).

smileypigface

Speaking as a divorced person with children, and when married having a step daughter from hubby's first marriage I think it might help you to take a deep breath and look at the long-game.

By that I mean that this child has been put into this situation through no fault of his own - that the inevitable fallout of the adults in his life arguing and scoring points off each other is that the child starts to feel responsibility for the situation, for the adults arguing or having an 'atmosphere' - that it can only equal unhappiness for the child.

The adults need to realise this situation is now with them for life - even when the child becomes 18 I am sure nobody involved would ever want him to have to make special considerations (at birthdays, weddings etc) because his biological parents and their associated partners can't be civil and show respect to each other.

So, in accepting this situation is here to stay, the adults concerned need to start showing some respect for each other, compromising when the situation requires it. I appreciate the OP has no control over the mother - and maybe this person will never decide that compromise etc is for her - you can only influence what is in your gift to influence ie, your own attitude and approach to the situation. And yes, this may mean that there are occasions, like this one, when you feel things are unfair, and you may feel that you are the only one compromising - but at the end of the day this is a child - not a commodity to be argued over - comparing who's getting a 'fair deal' or not.

If the mother does like to have the drama, well, by not rising to this type of last minute change to plans, there is no drama - so maybe over time, if you continue to fail to respond with drama she will realise it's not worth bothering.

At the end of the day, to compromise over 2 hours isn't really the end of the world.

I'm sure I've not made my point as strongly as I could - and I am sure I will be shot down in flames - but it's my point of view with 20 years experience of being the step parent and now divorced mum.

Life really is just a bit too short to waste time getting worked up about things that can be compromised over - and OK, yeah, it means maybe that one side always seem to be the one compromising - isn't that worth it for the sake of not putting the child in the midst of upset and argument?

It would be different if all access was being refused - and if that happened there are legal routes to follow - for minor occurrences just a bit of common sense needs to be applied.

Just my point of view - accept that not everyone will agree with me - good luck to the OP finding her own way forward to deal with the situation.

worriedsik

JBD wrote: »

Stacy, I think you are getting a little bit too involved in this personally. Perhaps you should stand back a little bit and let the parents sort it out between themselves. You do sound rather antagonistic towards the mother and TBH a little bit of a drama queen yourself.

i was thinking similiar

chill out just let it go its only a few hrs let the parents off the boy sort it & if she really is being awkward then its best you box clever let it go as this may escalate to bigger problems in the future & upset the child , and you will be playing into her hands if she is a drama Queen !

springclean

when i split with my ex-H we managed to talk to each other re the kids, albeit strained - until he met his gf who he went on to marry some years later. it didn't take long for her to get involved, and she subsequently took over all negotiations, and tbh caused more trouble than she was worth.

i resented her involvement as i saw it as none of her business. i eventually got fed up of her 4 page letters giving me x-hubby's version of things, and when she decided she should speak to my youngest's teacher about the one piece of homework i ever sent on a contact visit they couldn't get it that she had to no right to do that. they were only dating at that time too, not even married.

the only people who have parental responsibility (not rights - responsibility) are the mother and the father.

i now don't speak to either of them as the kids are adults and contact them direct. my girls also hate her, although are polite for their dad's sake, and would not let her know that. they just see her (from what they have seen and heard themselves - not from me) as a manipulative woman who has had to be in charge, and ruled their weak dad (again their words).

in the great scheme of things, it's 2 hours. she possibly is using her 'power' to wind you up, who knows? we only hear one side of things on a forum like this. that said i personally think you should step back and let your OH deal with things. it's his responsibility.

MrsAnnie

Personally, this is one fight that does not seem worth the aggrevation. Unless this happens every week I would not make to much of a fuss.

It is only two hours, can your plans be changed for another day? Comprimise, and backing down, is sometimes best when there is a little child involved.

daska

springclean wrote: »

the only people who have parental responsibility (not rights - responsibility) are the mother and the father.

Official guidance to schools is:

"Everyone who is a parent, whether they are a resident or non-resident parent, has the same right to participate in decisions about a child's education and receive information about the child. "

Who is a "Parent"?
Section 576 of the Education Act 1996 defines parent as:

• All natural (biological) parents, whether they are married or not;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has parental responsibility for a child or young person;
• Any person who, although not a natural parent, has care of a child or young person.