Ive made a mess- thought I was being sensible- divorce law

RAS

Are there any joint accounts anywhere? If so, get them closed.

Also make sure that at least some of the utility bills in his name, or your ISA money is going to end up paying off the rent, council tax and utility bills for this rental.

In whose name is the deposit on the house held?

NAR

First of all, good for you sorting out all your debts. I think you have been more than reasonable in trying to give your marriage another go. However it doesn't sound like he has had a reality check yet - from what you have said he hasn't reformed in any way!
To your question regarding debt - unless he can prove this was the betterment of the family ie new kitchen or bathroom or something else he has receipts for, then no you will not be liable for any debt. Treats like holidays will not be counted (as I found out!) as marital debts. Your ISA money will have to be declared, but any divorce judge worth his salt will look at what he has done with his share and leave yours intact.
I think you need another family pow-wow where you spell out to him where you expect him to make changes and if it doen't happen in the next 5 months then you will take action to end the marriage.
Good luck.

maggirl

We never had any joint debt...the mortgage was always in my name and we never had any joint loans.....mainly because my credit history is fine, whereas his is terrble (missed payments etc etc)

For years i would pay my crdit card bills and then have to pay his minimum payments too, because he would leave the bills lying around and never pay them. After about 3 years of doing this, I gave up and thats when he got a bad credit record.

I've just been reading a post where there was a big debate about having joint accounts.....if I had a joint account with my OH I would be ruined!

anyway, I will bide my time...its hard not to nag him and ask questions about his debts...maybe he WILL pay them off in the end. I suppose I should give him time. but it doesnt seem very positive that he doesnt want to discuss it with me......when i want to tell everyone in the world how happy i am that I am debt free! OK, Ive not got a house anymore but I can hold my head high and every penny i earn is mine...Wohoo. No more interest payments.

The main problem is that he won't discuss anything with me. He just says i'm nagging. so I don't think he has changed at all.

*Louise*

maggirl wrote: »

The main problem is that he won't discuss anything with me. He just says i'm nagging. so I don't think he has changed at all.

Then that will be his downfall, he doesn't appear to be making an effort at all.

Well done for becoming debt-free yourself, he has to have his own lightbulb moment, some people just won't listen

neneromanova

If your name is anywhere on the debt then yes, as it will be classed as joint debt. But if it's all just in his name then it is his problem. Chuck him out of the rented accommodation, file for divorce and go from there. You never know, you might get some of the money he isn't paying his debt off with as you have your child :rotfl:

Steel_2

maggirl wrote: »

....after mulling over everything, I told him that I had been seeing a solicitor. He refused to sign any pre-sale agreement. He swung from being realy angry to being tearful and made lots of promises that he would change, etc etc.

So we are now 1 month into what is supposed to be a "new start" for us....we are renting a house (correction, I am renting a house and paying the rent, he isnt contributing much) and his attitude towards money doesnt seem to have changed. He is talking about booking expensive holidays and is busy spending his share of the house proceeds......

I would be making preparations to leave, getting a deposit together and finding myself a new place to live. Leave him with place. Tell the landlord's you are moving out, get your name off the lease and put all bills and documents in his name.

He hasn't changed. He just pulled you back into the status quo. He might even think the debts were making you talk 'crazy' and now yours and his mother's are paid everything's ok. The heat is off.

jackieglasgow

Maggirl, so so glad you went ahead with the house sale. So, so sad that your husband appears to be letting you down again. I agree with the PP - get out as soon as you can, he will never change, if losing his home and almost losing you hasn't mad a difference, nothing ever will.

gratefulforhelp_2

Scubabe wrote: »

If I were in your shoes, I would:
1. accept the house offer (forget about the pre-sale agreement)
2. move out of house TOGETHER, into either a family member's house if possible, or if not then into rented accommodation. If rented accom I would try and get it in my sole name only
3. Settle ALL debts for both of you - his mother included
4. Once you no longer have the huge massive debts hanging above your heads (honestly, with a mortgage and £100K+ of debt between you, things must have been seriously stressful!), THEN attend marriage counselling (try Relate) to see if you can save the marriage. Do this together, so you're both honest and open about everything. See if he can get help with his alcohol abuse, try to find a job, etc - explain to him through counselling that this is the last chance, and if he wants to keep you then he must work for you
5. If the marriage cannot be saved, then split up and go your seperate ways

But without the stress of debt over both your heads, with assistance you may be able to find a way through things without divorcing - it sounds like you are very confused about things and this way you would be able to take your time and investigate all avenues.

Best of luck for the future!

I see your update, OP, but please think very carefully about divorce and your child. Marriages go through peaks and troughs, and there are times in all marriages, when, if people are honest, they question their love for the other.
If you divorce, you will probably not get him out of your life, he will still be around, and seeing your child, so you will have to see him and deal with him.
Unless he is abusive, or threatening the wellbeing of the child, please consider carefully whether you could repair things.

Good advice in the quote above.

ukjoel

We are selling our house

ARE YOU MY WIFE????

I thought everything was fine and you loved me and the kids.
Maybe I was wrong - You hid it well and I must say this is a shock.

You can have the kids but can I keep the dog please?

lauren_1

For all we know he could just be an twit