Ive made a mess- thought I was being sensible- divorce law

maggirl

Ok, Ive been a coward and stupid not telling him how I'm feeling. I feel terrible about thatm, but the situation is very complicated.

I was going to tell him after we had got Christmas out of the way but we got the offer in the meantime.

The solicitor said that we had to have a pre sale agreement BEFORE a formal offer was accepted. I havent had chance to talk to him about it, and didnt want to lose the offer..I just wanted to get the offer signed and sealed then progress from there.

Bogof_Babe

Whose name is ownership of the house in? If it's jointly owned you can't sell it unilaterally anyway, and I'm surprised you are with a solicitor when there is nothing he can do until you are in a contractual position with your purchaser.

Edit: Just re-read your OP and perhaps he does know you are selling the house. In which case ignore the above.

maggirl

The house is just in my name, and I pay the mortgage, but we are married, hence marital asset.

loftus

How long have you been married?

I presume no children.

maggirl

We have one child (7yrs) and we have been married 12 yrs

I honestly just want the best for everyone, i know I am being naiive

Proc

The best for everyone would be to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Just getting up and leaving seemingly without much of a motive (all I can guess is that you're bored) seems pretty selfish. Why male vows if you can't stick to them?

Talk it through, see what you can salvage.

loftus

Firstly I hope it works out for all of you.

However if you are having doubts about a relationship then the person to speak to is your partner and/or some form of relationship counsellor.
The fact that you went straight to a solicitor seems to indicate these were more than doubts but it really was your husband you should have been talking to.
He is presumably sitting there thinking that selling the house and clearing the debts means a new start for his family whereas you don't even see there being a family.

maggirl

Its not because I am bored, there is a load of background to this that would take too long to explain, I promise.

He didnt want to sell the house but we have to sell it because
1) I cant afford the mortgage payments
2) Its too far from where we work

so the house would have to go whatever.

*Louise*

Sorry, just something I'm not getting here...hope you don't mind me asking...

You are selling this house, fair enough...but where are you going to live after that? Do you have somewhere else arranged together? Or do you have somewhere to go yourself

I'm a little amazed that your husband has no inkling you are about to leave him...surely he would realise something is going on if you have both been unhappy??

I am the sort of person who would have to be honest about it all, I would tell him that I am unhappy in the marriage and that we needed to sit down and make sure all these debts got paid off. That might not work for you, I don't know your background circumstances, just my opinion.

jackieglasgow

Not having gone through this myself, I don't know the legalities/practicalities, but if have a valid reason to fear for your safety, but could reason with him about the practicalities, why not sit him down, with a list of all marital debts, arrange standing orders/bank transfers to pay those off the day/day after the sale completes and you get your money. Then when everything is paid, simply walk away knowing this is done. If you need to escape for your own safety, make sure you follow all the usual good advice given here about hiding documents etc., and just pretend to him everything's OK until the last moment.

Obviously, if that's not the case, then morally it wouldn't be a very nice way to do it. But I had another thought that if you know what his debts are, and the money is going into YOUR bank account, why don't you make sure all debts are paid off yourself, before you tell him you are leaving, then they won't be outstanding, and the MIL for example will not be left in the lurch.

Best of luck whatever the outcome.