Ive made a mess- thought I was being sensible- divorce law

maggirl

For a good few months now I have been consulting a solicitor about possibly splitting with my husband. I have been uncertain about whether to leave him, wether I had feelings for him still, etc.

In the meantime we put our house on the market and it has sold quicker that I thought. The people want to be in the house within 4 weeks!

My solicitor said I should get a pre sale agreement with my husband about the proceeds of the sale. im happy to 50/50 any proceeds as we have both put a lot into the house.

Heres the bit that has caused the grief: becuase I have not even broached the subject of splitting with him I couldnt just present him with a pre sale agreement...he would go nuts. So I told my solicitor I had changed my mind for the moment about splitting with him,

So we are now proceeding with selling the house as a "couple"

We both have big debts...me around 50k, him probably more.

But the proceeds from the sale of the house could clear all of this. There is a slight problem as he owes his mum a big chunk of money which was an informal arrangement...so no legal agreement etc.

My plan is this: not to rock the boat.

sell the house, spilt the proceeds ourselves, he can pay off his debts (including his mum) I pay off mine. There will be no proceeds left from the sale of the house, so no marital assets left, but at least i would walk away with no debts around my neck.

Then I will broach the subject of seperating.

But there is a risk that if I give him a big chunk of money, he wont pay off his debts even if I pay off mine.

In that case would I be liable for his debt if we then split up. Would his debts be classed as marital debts????

skylight

You are only liable for those JOINT debts that you have your name attached to.
If you have a joint account that he says he will take over and pay BUT does not pay, then yes, you are liable.
If he has a credit card in his name but you are a secondary card holder, then no, you are not liable.

Dave101t

for richer for poorer? poor bloke.

ceebeeby

This is your HUSBAND you're talking about - and you haven't told him you're thinking about splitting up with him even though you've been going to a solicitor for months!!!!

I can only assume he's very aggressive/violent/abusive, as I can't think of another valid reason not to at least give him some inkling.

Yes, any joint named debts are jointly owned at time of divorcing.

Odette

For all you know Dave, he ritually abuses her. Leave it out.

saveallmymoney

You've got it right, pay off all your debts you accumulated together and have a fresh start, either apart or together.

maggirl

The debts would just be in his name (like his personal credit cards)
I knew I would get replies moralising and being flippant about what I am doing.

I have spent MONTHS agonising about this decision. I am not doing this lightly. I still; care for him, even love him, which is why this is so difficult.

And the reason I havent gone and tried to get a pre sale agreement is because I am scared of him, and his reaction.

And i dont want to take him to the cleaners (not that there is anything to take) in fact he will probably end up with more from me (like pension if he goes for that) than i will from him.

I just want to make sure his mum is paid back what she is owed and Im not sure that would happen if it was all done formally.

belfastgirl23

Have you not had the discussion about what you're going to do with the proceeds of the sale yet? Surely paying off your debts would be the first priority in any case - you probably wouldn't get a mortgage anyway with the debts you have so I can't see what else you would have done with the money, even if you stayed together...

I think that way you aren't lying and you aren't getting yourself in any trouble, you're just being clear about what happens with the money.

loftus

Odette wrote: »

For all you know Dave, he ritually abuses her. Leave it out.

Why is it that a large percentage of the women on this forum automatically assume the worst about the man in any story. The OP has mentioned nothing about abuse, just that her husband would go nuts if told she wanted to split up, maybe because right now he has no idea she is feeling that way.

DVardysShadow

You are right, you are making a pig's ear of this.

If you don't have a presale agreement, then the money is hostage to fortune You cannot be sure it will go to paying debts. At least if the house is not sold, the equity in it is going nowhere.

As for not telling him, when would you tell him? The longer you leave it the harder it gets and the more justified an outraged reaction becomes - and the more likely the money is to get lost in the upset which follows.

If you are that scared of the reaction, you should plan to move out - secret bank account, important papers left with a friend - all that stuff, before telling him. But tell him you must. Before exchange of contract.

DVardysShadow

Odette wrote: »

For all you know Dave, he ritually abuses her. Leave it out.

And may be she doesn't tell him important stuff for all we know. The fact that we have compassion for the OP's position does not mean that there is no room to have compassion for her OH