Ive made a mess- thought I was being sensible- divorce law

DVardysShadow

maggirl wrote: »

The house is just in my name, and I pay the mortgage, but we are married, hence marital asset.

All the more reason to tell him. You are going to sign a contract to sell the house and you have to promise vacant possession. Buyer's solicitor may require [and I now see why they do this] that your OH signs the contract too as an occupier. There is no way out of this - you are making him homeless, you need to tell him

jackieglasgow

They are selling the house together, he seems to know about it, from what I make of post one.

DVardysShadow

maggirl wrote: »

I was going to tell him after we had got Christmas out of the way but we got the offer in the meantime.

The solicitor said that we had to have a pre sale agreement BEFORE a formal offer was accepted. I havent had chance to talk to him about it, and didnt want to lose the offer..I just wanted to get the offer signed and sealed then progress from there.

AFAICS, you only need the presale agreement in place to exchange contracts. The 'formal offer' is neither here nor there in property terms. But nothing is sealed until exchange of contract.

Dare I say it, whether your OH deserves what is happening or not, it appears

firstly that you act without involving him,
secondly you don't think it through
thirdly you try and micromanage him into an ill thought out plan which he has no involvement with.

Now I know no more than you have told me and you may be fully justified in your actions. But even if the bloke was a complete saint, you would have to expect a very volatile reaction from what you are doing. I hope you can sort this and I also hope if you find someone else you don't let history repeat.

Odette

loftus wrote: »

Why is it that a large percentage of the women on this forum automatically assume the worst about the man in any story. The OP has mentioned nothing about abuse, just that her husband would go nuts if told she wanted to split up, maybe because right now he has no idea she is feeling that way.

Sorry if you took it that way, I meant more "Why are you bringing the husband into it when this lady has made is clear shes leaving, its her decision and you dont know anything about either of these people, there could be anything going on with either of them".
Thanks for pointing out the inclarity of my sentence.

I agree with you about the men (and 'other women') hating nature of alot of women and I really dont like it. I hope Ive proved Im not!

maggirl

Ok thanks for the replies.

I was just wanting some advice and i know it comes across as me acting badly to him...

Im not looking for anyone else or wanting anyone else in my life. am heartbroken that my marriage has failed.

He has let me down over so many things, getting a job, stopping drinking, even learning to drive which he has been promising to do ever since we were married.

Anyway, I just wanted to know is it disasterous to enter into a sale of house, knowing that you might be splitting up, without a pre sale agreement.

DVardysShadow

jackieglasgow wrote: »

They are selling the house together, he seems to know about it, from what I make of post one.

Selling the house is all he knows about.

Suggest OP moves with him into rented accommodation, pays 6 months up front and she makes her move from there. It is too complicated otherwise.

Michelin

I don't understand this - where does your husband think you are going to live then after the sale of the house?

You really need to tell him what you are doing. Also there is a child involved here so her care and custody needs sorting with him as well as access. The house is just one small thing that you need to sort out and firstly that must be telling your husband that you want to separate.

paddy's_mum

If you got such a firm offer on the house so quickly, then it sounds entirely feasible to me that you could

1.abandon this particular sale
2. level with your husband
3. get the proposed separation out into the open and agreements made as to how things in the future are going to be dealth with
4. put the house on the market once again.

At least then you would both be 'singing from the same hymnsheet' with fewer opportunities of your husband putting a massively destructive spoke into the wheel once he does realise what you're up to.

Alternatively, why not stop the sale and start proper divorce proceedings in which the whole issue of money/assets/debts etc will be dealt with fairly and with the power of the courts behind whatever divisions and settlements are reached?

Don't move out of the house leaving him in it or you may end up with a monumental battle on your hands. All the time you are in it, you cannot be dispossessed and at the very least you cannot be kept in the dark, not knowing what is happening.

You're right - it is an appalling mess and in my view, the only way to sort it is to come clean and start over before you find yourself tied up in a twisted mass of deceit and lies that you can't escape from. (Just as an aside - I suspect a divorce court judge would frown heavily on this, if you go ahead with it, and his/her disapproval won't be doing yourself any favours.) Hope it all works out for everyone involved.

DVardysShadow

maggirl wrote: »

Ok thanks for the replies.

I was just wanting some advice and i know it comes across as me acting badly to him...

Im not looking for anyone else or wanting anyone else in my life. am heartbroken that my marriage has failed.

He has let me down over so many things, getting a job, stopping drinking, even learning to drive which he has been promising to do ever since we were married.

Anyway, I just wanted to know is it disasterous to enter into a sale of house, knowing that you might be splitting up, without a pre sale agreement.

Perhaps if he can't stop the drinking, it is a blessing he has not taken up driving. And I can see your need to move on. To turn it the other way, I think it would be disastrous to split between putting the house on the market and banking the proceeds. It is worst between accepting an offer and exchange of contract.

I think you need to get to the next place and sort it there - and you need to retain control of the money until you have dealt with joint debts and you have paid off his mother, before splitting the proceeds.

daska

paddy's_mum wrote: »

If you got such a firm offer on the house so quickly, then it sounds entirely feasible to me that you could

1.abandon this particular sale
2. level with your husband
3. get the proposed separation out into the open and agreements made as to how things in the future are going to be dealth with
4. put the house on the market once again.

At least then you would both be 'singing from the same hymnsheet' with fewer opportunities of your husband putting a massively destructive spoke into the wheel once he does realise what you're up to.

Alternatively, why not stop the sale and start proper divorce proceedings in which the whole issue of money/assets/debts etc will be dealt with fairly and with the power of the courts behind whatever divisions and settlements are reached?

Don't move out of the house leaving him in it or you may end up with a monumental battle on your hands. All the time you are in it, you cannot be dispossessed and at the very least you cannot be kept in the dark, not knowing what is happening.

You're right - it is an appalling mess and in my view, the only way to sort it is to come clean and start over before you find yourself tied up in a twisted mass of deceit and lies that you can't escape from. (Just as an aside - I suspect a divorce court judge would frown heavily on this, if you go ahead with it, and his/her disapproval won't be doing yourself any favours.) Hope it all works out for everyone involved.

I agree about not moving out but if the OP abandons this sale then the husband could make it very difficult to sell the house. They have substantial debts by the sound of it so in some ways it might make sense to go ahead and sell, clear the debts then leave.