Relationship advice: my OH didn't defend me!!

slinks

delmontebanana wrote:

Personally I would have stepped in as well, but everyone's different. Has anything similar happened before in the last couple of years? It's not particularly reassuring seeing how he acted when you were being verbally/physically attacked by crazy women.

This is the first time this kind of thing has happened.

I have had arguments with people in front of him before and he stands aside and lets me deal with it.

But... this time it was different as like you said, I was being verbally and physically attacked. I owuld expect my OH to come 'protect me' by moving back down the queue to be with me or say something so the attacks would stop. I am not reassured for the future now and am still more upset than angry about it!

$17mma

slinks wrote:

lol $17mma I used to go to Croydon IKEA weekly as it's 5 mins from here, but no more...

I agree that he should have supported me and maybe Crazy Lady wouldn't have carried on. I am not blaming him AT ALL for the situation (that prize goes to the freaks at the store) but I am shocked that nothing was said or done by him. No blame, just sadness and disappointment and...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!

He doesn't like confrontation and I know that I can get too upset and angry in person. I just hope this post helps him understand why I am not talking, why I am so upset and why I am so disappointed in him

Honey My husband is the same, will do anything to avoid confrontation, and I used to see this as spineless cause he was never up for it like I am if I am backed into a corner and cage rattled.. and I know that his actions or non action are difficult for you to understand.One thing I have realsied is that we show strength and love in different ways what you need to explain to him is that his non actions really upset/hurt you, whilst you do not blame the situation and the behaviour of those disgusting people on him you felt abandoned by him and you just wished that he could have acknowledged how upset you were by more than just saying "I beleive you"Try not to get too upset when discussing it with him or he will back up into his corner and dissapear into his cave...The main thing is ensuring that he understands what it is you felt without blaming or pointing the finger. So that should any such incident (hopefully not) occur again he will know how he should support you.

slinks

Triker wrote:

If I counted right 8 people were rude, aggressive and horrible to you. Sheeessh, that's appalling!

JEEEZ!!!! Didn't realise it was that many!!! You expect the odd one crazy person to come along once in a while but...

:mad:

rchddap1

Just a thought.....did you call out to your bf and ask him for help? I know you shouldn't have to, but I'm just curious.

hobo28

As a bloke, I have to say that your BF's first priority should have been to defend you. Now he could have done it by getting involved or by trying to defuse the situation. Either would have been fine. He definately should have stepped in when you were being called names and got pushed over. Its the lack of action I can't understand.

Doesn't matter if you were in the right or wrong. If I was your OH, and I thought you were in the wrong, I would have told you afterwards but at the time his job is to stand by you.

Ikea's a total hell hole anyway so I wouldn't worry about that. Instead I'd be thinking about long and hard about your future with OH. If you were being mugged, would he have legged it or just stood by and watched???

I can't believe he actually went to collect the chairs!!!!!

$17mma wrote:

My husband is the same, will do anything to avoid confrontation, and I used to see this as spineless cause he was never up for it like I am if I am backed into a corner and cage rattled

I'm the same. I will go to great lengths to avoid trouble and have walked away from many a fight. However, sometimes you can't avoid it. A line has to be drawn.

In this case tho, he should have at least tried to diffuse the situation or tell others that hes not tolerating his GF being spoken to like that. That I think would have helped.

slinks

Thanku Emmzi, and yes I agree... As a female I often say "but it's obvious why...!" and apparently it really isn't to the other species...

I will show him this post and hope for the best. I can't go on like this

$17mma

hobo28 wrote:

As a bloke, I have to say that your BF's first priority should have been to defend you. Doesn't matter if you were in the right or wrong. If I was your OH, and I thought you were in the wrong, I would have told you afterwards but at the time his job is to stand by you.
I can't believe he actually went to collect the chairs!!!!!

I have to agree

slinks

$17mma wrote:

One thing I have realsied is that we show strength and love in different ways what you need to explain to him is that his non actions really upset/hurt you, whilst you do not blame the situation and the behaviour of those disgusting people on him you felt abandoned by him and you just wished that he could have acknowledged how upset you were by more than just saying "I beleive you" Try not to get too upset when discussing it with him or he will back up into his corner and dissapear into his cave...The main thing is ensuring that he understands what it is you felt without blaming or pointing the finger. So that should any such incident (hopefully not) occur again he will know how he should support you.

Thank you. I will show him your post as you explained it better than I ever could xx

slinks

rchddap1 wrote:

Just a thought.....did you call out to your bf and ask him for help? I know you shouldn't have to, but I'm just curious.

Nope. As you said, I didn't think I should have to but reading all these replies it may not be that obvious to him that I expect it. Although the majority rules...

Triker

Ok, just a thought, imagine all the horrible's (not including your boyfriend) stood in a line, with those 1p chairs shoved where the sun don't shine!!!!! Wanted to make you smile.