Relationship advice: my OH didn't defend me!!

Triker

Hey, really sorry to hear about your ordeal. Shocking to say the least!Re the behaviour of your boyfriend, why don't you ask him if he would have done the same indifferent thing if it were 3 or 4 men screaming and shoving you? Maybe he does'nt see the severity because it was women....dunno just a thought. I have had a similar thing happen, obviously not Ikea and obviously not Vicky Pollard but I had years of intimidation from an ex neighbour who had me as a nervous wreck. My then husbund refused to say or do anything and eventually I divorced him. Not due to this but because I realised what a spineless, pathetic, useless lump of failure he was. I didn't want a gorilla but just someone who I thought I could depend on, I couldn't so he went.

$17mma

Triker wrote:

I realised what a spineless, pathetic, useless lump of failure he was. I didn't want a gorilla but just someone who I thought I could depend on, I couldn't so he went.

so true!! actions speak louder than words I say.....

slinks

lol $17mma I used to go to Croydon IKEA weekly as it's 5 mins from here, but no more...

I agree that he should have supported me and maybe Crazy Lady wouldn't have carried on. I am not blaming him AT ALL for the situation (that prize goes to the freaks at the store) but I am shocked that nothing was said or done by him. No blame, just sadness and disappointment and...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!

He doesn't like confrontation and I know that I can get too upset and angry in person. I just hope this post helps him understand why I am not talking, why I am so upset and why I am so disappointed in him

rchddap1

My problem would be the opposite. My OH would fly to my defence in a split second and I'd be worried about how far the situation would escalate. Its great to have someone to back you up.....but you don't want them to go too far.

delmontebanana

Hi slinks, sorry to hear about what happened. It makes me thankful that my sister didn't go in the end to this stupid Ikea promotion.

With your boyfriend, all I can suggest is that that's the way some people deal with confrontations, by not getting involved and letting it run it's course. Personally I would have stepped in as well, but everyone's different. Has anything similar happened before in the last couple of years? It's not particularly reassuring seeing how he acted when you were being verbally/physically attacked by crazy women.

Have a talk with him and tell him what you've told us. At the very least you deserve an explanation on why he acted the way he did.

Emmzi

I think you nailed it there -'unwritten'. My b/f needs everything explained (and actually welcomes it as opposed to wondering why I am randomly sulking) e.g.'I am upset that you had didn't hoover BECAUSE I can't relax when the house is messy, and now I have to do it after working late.'

Obviously your case is more serious, but does he understand how you are interpretting his actions?

I think you need to be clear about why you are upset, what you had hoped would happen, and see what he says. You need to explore if you have common values, and if compromise is possible.

He may not be saying anything because he is genuinely confused about what you want/expect? so has no idea how to play it.

Or he may be using his coping mechanism of ignoring things until they go away.

slinks

Good point Triker. But, tables turned, it wouldn't matter to me if it was men, women or children having a pop at him - i would be there on the front line.

So sorry to hear about your ordeal I hope your neighbour got their just desserts.

I need to be able to depend on someone too. I don't actually think it's much to ask of someone you love and who says he loves you...

slinks

rchddap1 wrote:

My problem would be the opposite. My OH would fly to my defence in a split second and I'd be worried about how far the situation would escalate. Its great to have someone to back you up.....but you don't want them to go too far.

Absolutely.

BUt... My OH isn't a gorilla or an angry person so he definitely wouldn't go too far. But to realise he hasn't even done anything...

rchddap1

Don't get me wrong...my partner is not usually an angry person or a gorilla (in fact he's rather soppy and sweet). But if I was in your situation he'd be livid.

Perhaps your bf was hoping that things would calm down if he ignored it. If you want some answers you're going to have to face him and talk to him.

Triker

If I counted right 8 people were rude, aggressive and horrible to you. Sheeessh, that's appalling!