Invited to Ex's wedding - Problem with fiancee

londoner1998

maggied wrote: »

My God!!!! Are you for real? Have you actually heard yourself?

You know damn well how inappropriate it was to exchange emails of that nature with someone who's attached - otherwise you would find it perfectly easy to explain to your family why you're unwelcome on this occasion.

Who in their right mind would want (as someone so splendidly put it) the flirty girlfriend who hasn't moved on not only showing up but actually singing and being part of the ceremony?

You have asked your ex to sort it out???? Because you think the relationship you have with him trumps the wishes of his WIFE to be?

And as for the hostile emails.....you got off lightly. Leave well alone and have some dignity.

I have personally been in a similar situation to the bride to be... and like maggied said , you got off lightly. I texted back inmediately (and she is just a work collegue who overstepped the mark with my OH) and made it clear that I found her texts inappropriate. My OH admitted he wouldn't have liked it if he were in my shoes and thatyes, she often gets a bit too much. A month afterwards she was in my OH's work Christmas do. I didn't know who she was but I picked up a very weird vibe straight away. We had a really good time and she ended up leaving early, after apparently not feeling very comfortable all through the night and after barely speakign to anybody. It seems she felt embarrassed and out of place.
Is that what you want, OP?

Please stay clear- it will speak much better of you if you just let them enjoy their wedding day- this is not for you to decide.

frannyann

When I got married 14 years ago (and divorced 9 ago, but thats not relevent ) I had two ex-boyfriends there, one of them in fact drove me and my mum to the registrary office! We were all part of a big social group and it never occured to me and H2B to not invite them as it would have been strange for them to be 'missing' from our social group, the ex who drove me to the wedding had been in a relationship with me a few years earlier for 4 years. Thats why I don't think I would ever comment that I would NEVER have a ex at a wedding. The OP wants to see her friend get married, and it sounds like her friend wants her there too. Really the couple getting wed need to sort this out as it doesn't bode well if they can't agree!

PS: Knew I shouldn't invited the ex's as they both pretended to start to get up at that 'does anyone know...' bit, the sods :rolleyes:

MrsAnnie

frannyann wrote: »

When I got married 14 years ago (and divorced 9 ago, but thats not relevent ) I had two ex-boyfriends there, one of them in fact drove me and my mum to the registrary office! We were all part of a big social group and it never occured to me and H2B to not invite them as it would have been strange for them to be 'missing' from our social group, the ex who drove me to the wedding had been in a relationship with me a few years earlier for 4 years. Thats why I don't think I would ever comment that I would NEVER have a ex at a wedding. The OP wants to see her friend get married, and it sounds like her friend wants her there too. Really the couple getting wed need to sort this out as it doesn't bode well if they can't agree!

PS: Knew I shouldn't invited the ex's as they both pretended to start to get up at that 'does anyone know...' bit, the sods :rolleyes:

Where there any inappropriate emails exchanged between you and your exes prior to your wedding?


I think the emails were the deal breaker in the OP situation , and rightly so. Before the OP being outed as a flirty girlfiend, she was a welcome guest and to be the wedding singer.

SugarSpun

My DH and I invited both of our most recent exes to our wedding because we each maintained a good relationship with them. Both declined because although they're close friends (mine remains one of my best friends) they felt it inappropriate for them to be there on our wedding day.

They'd both have been extremely welcome, but not if they'd been sending saucy emails during the wedding planning.

Seriously OP, you can't imagine that your ex's fiancee is going to forget what she read or who wrote it. That you're refusing to see this as a legitimate concern is bewildering to me - but the point is that she doesn't want you to be there, your being there will spoil her wedding day, and it would be simple courtesy for you to respect her wishes.

Pepzofio

frannyann wrote: »

When I got married 14 years ago (and divorced 9 ago, but thats not relevent ) I had two ex-boyfriends there, one of them in fact drove me and my mum to the registrary office! We were all part of a big social group and it never occured to me and H2B to not invite them as it would have been strange for them to be 'missing' from our social group, the ex who drove me to the wedding had been in a relationship with me a few years earlier for 4 years. Thats why I don't think I would ever comment that I would NEVER have a ex at a wedding.

I agree - our circle of friends is so incestuous that if everyone employed the 'no exes at wedding' rule nobody would have any guests! (Small towns and all that...)

Having said that, they all get on well and are all part of the same social group, going back years together. OP has stated that she only knows the fiance vaguely from work, so clearly not the case here.

suekjw

I'm sure if you explain to your family members that you were exchanging inappropriate messages with your ex they will totally understand why you can't be there!

Are you sure you aren't hearing what you think you want to hear from your ex rather than what he is actually saying?

Sunshine12

Agree with the majority here. I think you still have feelings for him and quite like the fact that he is potentially taking a stance in your defensive on this rather than just going along with what his future wife wants for the wedding day. Im pretty sure you will ruin it for her if you go so would hope you would take the advice of everyone on here and tell them you have other plans now and cant make it. I think the fact you were going to sing in the first place is a bit strange. Can imagine the conversation with bride to be......

Q. who's the singer?
A. Oh, thats my new husbands ex girlfriend whom he was flirting with last week online......

Feel sorry for her already.

Pepzofio

SugarSpun wrote: »

My DH and I invited both of our most recent exes to our wedding because we each maintained a good relationship with them. Both declined because although they're close friends (mine remains one of my best friends) they felt it inappropriate for them to be there on our wedding day.

They'd both have been extremely welcome, but not if they'd been sending saucy emails during the wedding planning.

Seriously OP, you can't imagine that your ex's fiancee is going to forget what she read or who wrote it. That you're refusing to see this as a legitimate concern is bewildering to me - but the point is that she doesn't want you to be there, your being there will spoil her wedding day, and it would be simple courtesy for you to respect her wishes.

I agree. Even if things do get resolved, bride accepts it was all innocent and relents, seeing you there is just going to remind her about all the nastiness on her wedding day, so you should do the decent thing and bow out either way. Buy them a nice present to show no hard feelings and with luck you'll be able to get back to socialising with them without too many hard feelings in the future. But I think the whole wedding day is now a no-go area for you.

Triker

I agree with the majority too, there is nothing more off putting than another woman trying to 'mark another womans terrority' as you appear to have done, however unwittingly.

Apologies if that sounds harsh but you appear to have taken umbrage that your ex's fiance hasn't taken the emails in the spirit that you intend. Unfortunately none of us can control how we react when we see/read something but some areas are off limits, such as ex's.


The best wedding present you can give this couple is a card/letter to them both, declining the invitation to attend as you now have other plans and wishing them all the very best and a long and happy life together.

This would stop the heartache, worry and stress that this incident has and will continue to cause for the couple (if not stopped) and any true friend would do this for another.

Pollycat

Do you know, I don't think I've ever seen a thread on MSE where the opinion is so over-whelmingly one sided - and imho, totally correct.

OP - that'll be the side of the bride, then.
Not yours.

Re-reading your posts, you've come across as incredibly arrogant, very rude about this bride-to-be, totally unrepentant at the havoc you've caused (be it unintentional or on purpose) and so far up your own a**e with your own importance and status within this ex's life.

I do hope that you decide to behave with the thoughfulness and dignity that so far you have lacked, and allow these 2 people to have a wedding free of trouble.

If you're lucky, you may eventually be able to repair this wonderful friendship that you had with this guy - but I wouldn't bet on it.