Invited to Ex's wedding - Problem with fiancee

feelinggood_2

I think wanting someone not to be there is more of a pressing need than wanting someone there. It is easy to forget that a guest (not even a close family member) is not there, but if you keep catching a glimpse at someone you don't want to think about it can really ruin the day.

southoftheriver

Emails that were suggestive in nature but with no suggestion of you getting back together?

To be honest I wouldn't like that at all. It seems as though he has handled it badly too, but I can understand why she doesn't want you there.

Claire2831

Graciously decline the invite. No matter how gutted you feel to be missing it, it’s the right thing to do under the circumstances.

Does she know that your ex really wants you there or is this just something he’s saying to you and not to her? Maybe he’s embarrassed and feels he needs to stress to you that “he” would have liked you to have been there. Do you really think he will be that gutted if your not? Surely on the day he will only be thinking about his bride, not about you not being there.

I have to say if I was the bride alarm bells would be ringing. The fact that her husband2be is insisting someone she clearly does not want at the wedding (with justified reason) would not sit well with me at all.

bylromarha

And how will the ex feel if one of his good friends is not there? Why should the bride get her way - it's his wedding too and he wants OP there.

The ex and his fiancee need to agree on this one. Sounds like it isn't a good start to their marriage IMO - communication is a key thing to a good relationship and they need to talk about this and come to the same conclusion and OP needs to go along with whatever the couple decide on together.

kimmi_b

I do not think it is appropriate for an ex to attend a wedding, let alone sing at one, especially after exchanging reminiscing emails which contained suggestive content. I can totally understand why she is so upset and I think you should put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if YOU would want your fiances ex at your wedding, after finding emails of a suggestive nature. I would be furious if my chap was exchanging emails with his ex, reminiscing about that 'part' of their past.

Snuggles

Eastie77 wrote: »

RadJo, I know the day isn't about me. It's about her AND my ex which is why I think it is unfair I am being banned as my not being would upset him. So she gets to have the perfect day whilst he doesn't.

Really sorry to sound harsh, but are you for real?! Unless you are at the wedding, it won't be a perfect day for your ex?!! If that is actually true (rather than delusion on your part about your importance in his life) then he shouldn't be marrying the poor girl! I am getting married in the near future and the only person I need to be there to make it my perfect day is my OH.

I really don't think it matters why his fiancee is upset with you, or whether her reasons are rational (to you) or not. It is her wedding day, and do you really want to spoil it for her? Your absence might be noted by your ex, but it will hardly spoil his day, whereas your presence could be a constant source of upset to his fiancee, as you will be there in her face IYSWIM. Honestly ask yourself, is there a part of you that is enjoying being the cause of friction between them?

I really think you should do the decent thing and just say you can't make it.

DKLS

I am getting married this year and would be furious if my ex turned up, I would be calling armed police to have her evicted.

I cant believe the Op is even considering it, the fianc! doesn't want her there and that should be enough.

RadoJo

Hi Eastie - fair enough, but the reasons you gave in your OP for wanting to be there (being embarassed about 'uninviting' your family, not wanting to be the only one of your friends that isn't there, how unfair it is on you) don't seem to take into acccount the fact that this is supposed to be the best day of this girl's life and she doesn't want you to be a part of it. If you are such close friends with your ex, I would have thought that bowing out and not putting him in the middle of this would be the best way to go, but if you are convinced that your presence is more important to him then by all means pursue it yourself. You asked whether people on here would go - I personally wouldn't, but only you can really decide and it sounds as though you're keen to pursue this, in which case, could you not just hold your hands up, apologise for the e-mails (not explain, or try to make her believe you) and ask to be re-invited?

ameliarate

Snuggles wrote: »

Really sorry to sound harsh, but are you for real?! Unless you are at the wedding, it won't be a perfect day for your ex?!! If that is actually true (rather than delusion on your part about your importance in his life) then he shouldn't be marrying the poor girl! I am getting married in the near future and the only person I need to be there to make it my perfect day is my OH.

I really don't think it matters why his fiancee is upset with you, or whether her reasons are rational (to you) or not. It is her wedding day, and do you really want to spoil it for her? Your absence might be noted by your ex, but it will hardly spoil his day, whereas your presence could be a constant source of upset to his fiancee, as you will be there in her face IYSWIM. Honestly ask yourself, is there a part of you that is enjoying being the cause of friction between them?

I really think you should do the decent thing and just say you can't make it.

:T

I think the couple getting married have real problems if he is willing to invite someone who she clearly doesn't want there, and frankly you should back off.

naijapower

I am surprised and amused that OP wants to attend and doesnt see any wrong in this.
Can she stop for a second and put herself in the situation of her ex partner's fiancee. How would she feel.
The wedding is a special day for both of them anyone capable or likely to make either of them unhappy shouldnt really attend.
It is obvious OP has a hidden agenda which she doesnt feel comfortable declaring - She still fancies the guy and hasnt moved on with her life.
Surely, if OP has found a new partner and was busy planning her own wedding, she wouldnt have time for erotic emails with an old boyfriend.
Pls OP, my advise is to move on with your life. I am very sure you know what i mean and can see where i am coming from.
This matter has nothing to do with whether your ex and his new partner trust themselves. Your actions and association with him via email etc is capable of causing discomfort with his new partner. Your continued association or so called joke emails could have led to something greater afterall 'one thing leads to another'.
My point is, no man or woman would encourage his or her partner to engage in the type of communication you have described and claim it is harmless or i turst you...this and that. This woman is extremely right to be unhappy with these emails and it is purely a distraction and could derail them from their plans.
Lastly, i strongly disagree that with the fact that this woman checked her boyfriends emails makes her a bad person. She was trying to safeguard her future plan and she was proved right as her discovery would hopefully put an end to your secret sexy email chat