Now What Would You Do In This Position?

SallyUK

Good Morning

Well I got on to solicitor this morning and told her what my thoughts were on my husband's email.

I told her that the children wanted nothing to do with him and that he was using them as bargaining tools in my opinion.

I also said what Zazen said down below and told her that it was only fair that the children try and get some amount of money, due to the fact that money has been scarce all these years and both of them want to go to uni.

She replied almosst right away and has said that she's already had another email from him stating that he doesn't work for a company in the Middle East, but is self employed (yea right!) - this apparently makes it harder for her to enforce the maintenance order. The CSA is not an option as he works abroad. She also said:

My view is that as the arrangements for the children are likely to be highly contentious that it would be better to go ahead with the divorce first before getting embroiled in this, as the risk is that Mr ******** may fail to cooperate with us on the divorce if he does not like what you are saying about the children.

So, what do you think, do you think I should just give up trying and just wait for the divorce?

Sal
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SallyUK

Morning Everyone

I thought I had updated this thread, but seemingly not!


Since there, there's only been one other message sent from someone else with the same surname - I think this person is a cousin - however they didn't add the cousin either.

That was a few weeks ago.

Last night I decided to have my friend check his Facebook page again to see if anything had been added and lo and behold he'd added some photos! Would you believe there of, him and a woman and two children - some of the comments that have been posted say:

your wife and children are very beautiful!!

One of the photos of him on his own, quite clearly shows a ring on his wedding finger.

I know that's not 100% proof of anything, but I've sent off this info to the lawyer just in case it makes some kind of difference to anything.

Sal
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Bufger

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I think the man has the most colossal nerve but it all ties in with his cruel lack of backbone and moral fibre in the past, doesn't it?

However, I also think that you need to be setting aside your own feelings and thinking a little more deeply about what your children might need.

Is there a case for you to separate your quarrels with him and put all the wrongs he did you into a separate compartment as it were and encourage them to have at least basic contact with him? I suggest this not for his sake but for the advantage of your still relatively young children since it is highly likely that as they come to maturity, they'll want to find out about him in any case.

They wouldn't be human if all the previous questions, which you had no way on this earth to answer (the swine!) didn't come tumbling into their minds. Perhaps you should now make it clear to them that their choice is just that and that they will not make you angry if they decide to respond to and continue contact. If nothing else, they have to know that by seeking him out, they will not jeopardise your love for them.

It will be hard for you not to use this opening as an opportunity to finally get all that he owes you but there may be a pay-off for you that no amount of money on earth can ever buy. If he discovers that these are wonderful children - what credit can he take for that, since he did very little except sire them? The pride and the glory are all yours - the fact that your children's first reaction was to protect you is testament to all you did for them.

You should be proud of yourself and pity him for he has lost time and things that he can never, ever replace! :A

There is only one thing worse than a parent running out on a child and thats a parent running out on them twice! It happened to my OH, first when she was a toddler and she spent the next 7 years wondering what she had done wrong and again when she was 10ish after coming back for a year.

The kids have stability now and its what they need, if he comes back and leaves again it will devastate the kids (if they start trusting him again in the first place). Thats what the OP needs to consider.

74jax

I've only just found this thread and what a read!!! You have handled everything so well and remain calm and composed throughout. You're a credit to your children and they seem to be taking things in their stride also.

I hope your solicitor can do something with the photo's, a new wife??? hhhmmm interesting.

you are much more calm than me, I'd be having my friend comment on the photos saying 'oh I didn't realise you'd got divorced from xxxx' and 'how are your other 2 children from your first marriage'. I know that would then send him into hiding though, but probably couldn't stop myself.

Has he tagged his 'new wife' into the photos? can you not trace her.......

Bufger

SallyUK wrote: »

Morning Everyone

I thought I had updated this thread, but seemingly not!


Since there, there's only been one other message sent from someone else with the same surname - I think this person is a cousin - however they didn't add the cousin either.

That was a few weeks ago.

Last night I decided to have my friend check his Facebook page again to see if anything had been added and lo and behold he'd added some photos! Would you believe there of, him and a woman and two children - some of the comments that have been posted say:

your wife and children are very beautiful!!

One of the photos of him on his own, quite clearly shows a ring on his wedding finger.

I know that's not 100% proof of anything, but I've sent off this info to the lawyer just in case it makes some kind of difference to anything.

Sal
x

hah! i'd be so tempted to send her a Facebook message and say:

Hi, im his other wife, the first one he ran out on years ago leaving 2 children fatherless. Send our regards xxx

Of course with lawyers and divorces flying around its not a great idea but im very certain she wont have a clue about you or the kids so if he doesnt pay up a penny his lovely little life over there could quickly come crashing down (thats blackmail and of course nobody condones it! :A:D)

RAS

If he has married in the other country, it may well be within their law, but the marriage would be bigamous here and he could be in trouble if he returns. maybe that is why he would like a divorce?

74jax

RAS wrote: »

If he has married in the other country, it may well be within their law, but the marriage would be bigamous here and he could be in trouble if he returns. maybe that is why he would like a divorce?

Good thinking, I never knew that, but could be why he is acceptable for it to go ahead now.

SallyUK

Thanks for all your replies again.

Oh, believe me, I'd love to get something posted, but I think I'd better wait to hear what lawyer has to say first, but it's very tempting indeed, especially if this woman is his wife and she has no idea about us!

74jax - Unforunately, no he's not tagged his "new wife"

Once I hear from lawyer, I'll let you know what she says.

Thanks again,

Sal
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Bufger wrote: »

hah! i'd be so tempted to send her a Facebook message and say:

Hi, im his other wife, the first one he ran out on years ago leaving 2 children fatherless. Send our regards xxx

Of course with lawyers and divorces flying around its not a great idea but im very certain she wont have a clue about you or the kids so if he doesnt pay up a penny his lovely little life over there could quickly come crashing down (thats blackmail and of course nobody condones it! :A:D)

SallyUK

Good Afternoon

Just thought I'd add another little update.

I've been playing detective and have it from the horses's mouth - the children in the photos are indeed his, just have to find out if the woman is his wife or not now - lol

Sal
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thorsoak

How old are the children? Younger than yours?