Now What Would You Do In This Position?

SallyUK

Hello Folks

Well today I've gone from feeling quite happy to feeling really down, angry, upset, bitter, my emotions are all over the place.


I think it's because I'm worried about my children.

My son has lots on his mind at the moment at college with his studies etc and when I showed them the photos the other day, they just sat their with this look on their faces that showed they were just dumbfounded.
Not only that but my son found out recently that his best friend had been found dead, where we used to live - he was only 17, and then on top of that he finds out that the father who walked out on him 10 years ago, gets a friend request from him on facebook, no message, just the request and then finds out that the same father is also remarried and has other kids!!! No wonder he spends so much time in his room on his own.
He's not one for opening up anyway and the only time I know what's going on with him is when he's on MSN upstairs and I'm on it downstairs! lol I guess he finds it easier to type what's on his mind, with him having Aspergers.
Anyway, last night he said, "I still miss him despite everything, in a weird sort of way.
I said that was understandable and perfectly natural. But despite that, he should try not to dwell too much on what's happened recently and to try to concentrate on his studies so he can stand up and show everyone exactly what he's achieved on his own and how proud I am of both children.
I also contacted a website called CMA Options who have more or less confirmed that I don't have a leg to stand on as regards the outstanding maintenance from 2003.
Part of it says:
The CSA can only deal with an application for child maintenance when both parents and the child live in the UK. There are exceptions to this when any of the following points apply to the non resident parent:
* Is working abroad in the service of the crown. For example, is a Civil Servant, works within Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service or is a member of the Armed Forces.
* Works abroad for a UK based company. For example, the company employs people to work outside the UK but makes payments via a UK payroll. The company also needs to be registered under the Companies Act 1985 (England, Wales and Scotland) or the Companies (Northern Ireland) Order 1986.
* Works abroad on secondment for a prescribed body. For example, works for a NHS trust, regional health authority, primary care trust or local authority.

We already know he's paid via USA.

I wonder if anyone has heard of this or had anything to do with them:
http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/case/remo.asp#S5.

I had a quick look at it, but it's all very confusing!

I also had another reply from him which says:

How lovely his homeland is, he says he visits it every so many days (45) and he's in the process of setting up a consultantcy oil business! He also goes on to say that he's still in contact with his children in the UK, they've never been to his country but he has plans to take them there! He says they're still on contact with him!

It continues to say he works in one country and lives in the other (I wont say where on here) life is good, money is good as he pays no tax!

I also had a letter from my lawyer who has really made me feel worse than I did already this morning.

She said that the court wouldn't accept his signature on the divorce petition by email and that he could have got married in a country that allows polygamous marriages, which we already knew anyway, but she goes on to say that as far as the outstanding finances are concerned, she doesn't see how it's possible to do anything about that, seeing as he doesn't appear to have any assetts in the UK!

How can he possibly get away with disappearing off the face of the earth for all that time, then be living it up, committed bigamy, while I've been scrimping and struggling all these years, chasing off debt collectors, thanks to him, and still am, and can see no sign of it getting better in the future, yet there's nothing can be done??
I'm feeling really despondent today and very very down.

Sal
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shellsuit

Oh Sally, that's not good, no wonder you're not feeling too bright

I don't know what to suggest but how can that man lie through his teeth and say he sees his children when he doesn't?!

When he is sending these replies, who does he think he is replying to?

RAS

SallyUK wrote: »

I also had another reply from him which says:

How lovely his homeland is, he says he visits it every so many days (45) and he's in the process of setting up a consultantcy oil business! He also goes on to say that he's still in contact with his children in the UK, they've never been to his country but he has plans to take them there! He says they're still on contact with him!

It continues to say he works in one country and lives in the other (I wont say where on here) life is good, money is good as he pays no tax!

I also had a letter from my lawyer who has really made me feel worse than I did already this morning.

She said that the court wouldn't accept his signature on the divorce petition by email and that he could have got married in a country that allows polygamous marriages, which we already knew anyway, but she goes on to say that as far as the outstanding finances are concerned, she doesn't see how it's possible to do anything about that, seeing as he doesn't appear to have any assetts in the UK!

How can he possibly get away with disappearing off the face of the earth for all that time, then be living it up, committed bigamy, while I've been scrimping and struggling all these years, chasing off debt collectors, thanks to him, and still am, and can see no sign of it getting better in the future, yet there's nothing can be done??
I'm feeling really despondent today and very very down.

Sal
x

Sal

I think you need a lawyer who has some experience of international marriages, as this is effectively what you have. Your own lawyer is plainly out of her depth with this.

I am guessing now from this message that your husband was not born in the UK?

In law right now, in most countries if he was to die you would still be his wife and still entitled to inherit from his estate, even if he tried to write you out of the will. However, if he is working in a country that operates under Islamic law, the situation might be different.

I have to admit when I first read your posts, it occcured to me that he might be hoping one way or the other to persuade the children to join him.

I would advise that you are very very careful about any suggestion that might come about them going on holiday if that ever arises.

I suggest that you also get acqqaited with this http://www.officialsolicitor.gov.uk/os/icacu.htm and speak to reunite as to preventative measures.

You should read this as well http://www.officialsolicitor.gov.uk/os/remo.htm regarding cross border enforcement of maintenance order in the USA and other countries.

As for the fictional nature of his current story; that is not uncommon. certainly if you believed my father the bulk of his income was spent supporting us. In reality the net provision was £50 per year (between us) plus the costs of visits.

SallyUK

Hi RAS

Thank you for taking the time to reply, that's appreciated.

I have a copy of the link for REMO and will take a look at it in more detail, although it is very confusing!

At first glance it would appear that the countries he lives and works, are exempt from that jurisdiction.

But I'll wait and see what the response is from the lawyer again next week and if she doesn't seem to know anything about REMO, I'll mention it to her, but as you rightly say, it may be that she's out of her depth.

Thanks again,

Sal
x

RAS wrote: »

Sal

I think you need a lawyer who has some experience of international marriages, as this is effectively what you have. Your own lawyer is plainly out of her depth with this.

I am guessing now from this message that your husband was not born in the UK?

In law right now, in most countries if he was to die you would still be his wife and still entitled to inherit from his estate, even if he tried to write you out of the will. However, if he is working in a country that operates under Islamic law, the situation might be different.

I have to admit when I first read your posts, it occcured to me that he might be hoping one way or the other to persuade the children to join him.

I would advise that you are very very careful about any suggestion that might come about them going on holiday if that ever arises.

I suggest that you also get acqqaited with this http://www.officialsolicitor.gov.uk/os/icacu.htm and speak to reunite as to preventative measures.

You should read this as well http://www.officialsolicitor.gov.uk/os/remo.htm regarding cross border enforcement of maintenance order in the USA and other countries.

As for the fictional nature of his current story; that is not uncommon. certainly if you believed my father the bulk of his income was spent supporting us. In reality the net provision was £50 per year (between us) plus the costs of visits.

SallyUK

Morning Everyone

Apparently he also has a business in Dubai which his wife looks after when he travels back to his homeland every 45 days and the company which he works for lets him travel business class back and forward.

Sal
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[Deleted User]

I am sorry for what you're discovering. We're all here giving you net hugs.

daska

Definitely find a lawyer who is up to speed on international marriages.

Isn't one fundamental of islam that a man may not take a second wife if he can't support his first wife?

SallyUK

Thank you again.

Daska, the only thing is, he isn't Muslim, he's a Christian.

I've been googling all afternoon and just can't find anything on what happens if someone remarried abroad, if they married originally in the UK.

I know that in some countries polygamy is allowed and all that, but it surely has some effect when the first marriage took place in the UK? No?

If only I could afford an International expert lawyer, I'd go all the way with this one, but I simply can't afford to.

Don't suppose anyone has any friends who are international divorce experts? lol

Sal
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IIsn't one fundamental of islam that a man may not take a second wife if he can't support his first wife?[/QUOTE]

Gleeful

SallyUK wrote: »

Thank you again.

Daska, the only thing is, he isn't Muslim, he's a Christian.

I've been googling all afternoon and just can't find anything on what happens if someone remarried abroad, if they married originally in the UK.

I know that in some countries polygamy is allowed and all that, but it surely has some effect when the first marriage took place in the UK? No?

If only I could afford an International expert lawyer, I'd go all the way with this one, but I simply can't afford to.

Don't suppose anyone has any friends who are international divorce experts? lol

Sal
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IIsn't one fundamental of islam that a man may not take a second wife if he can't support his first wife?

[/QUOTE]

I've been following your story Sally. I think it's a crazy turn of events and can't imagine how you are feeling. I have some friends who work in law, I will ask them for you.

[Deleted User]

I think it might be worth trying to find out the legal authority in the country he's living in and reporting the bigamous marriage.., should only cost the price of international postage. Send a copy of your marriage certificate and a letter from your solicitor to confirm u are still married.

I don't know which country he's living in but usually there are voluntary groups around who will help u find out about the laws in that country even if they officially represent another civil interest for that country (i'm thinking looking at child kidnapping groups etc). Wouldn't cost u anything at all.