Now What Would You Do In This Position?

SallyUK

Hello Folks

More news.


I got someone to log on under a false name and add him on their facebook. He's not updated his profile or posted any messages since he joined facebook in 2008. All it says is where he's working (which is Middle East) and the company name and his job title. He hasn't posted anything else since then despite the fact some people have left messages for him. I don't recognise any of the friends on his list.

The other night, my daughter came downstairs again and told me that she'd had another friend request, this time from someone with the same surname as him and this "person" said that she found my daughter's name on facebook and thought that they may be related through her uncle **** - which is my husband's first name.

My daughter showed me this and again I asked my son to check his account - he also had the same friend request.

By now, I was tired of this and so I sent a message to her (under a false name of course) and said that she had been messaging my children and that a - they didn't add anyone they didn't know and b - what made her think they could be related.

She replied and said it was the surname that made her think this and that if she had made a mistake, she was sorry. I asked her then to tell me who her parents were as she was calling my husband her uncle. She hasn't replied since I asked her that.

I have an appointment with my lawyer on 2nd February, so I'll ask her then what can be done and also what, if anything, I can do about the tracing agency who I paid to do a trace and who signed an affidavit saying there was not trace of my husband! I wonder now if that is still legel?
Sal
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SallyUK

Hi Folks

Well, I went to see my lawyer on Tuesday and she asked if there had been any news. I was honest enough with her and told her that he had popped up on Facebook and had sent Friend Requests to both children. She was suprised, as she had planned to go to court and tell the judge that there had been no communication whatsoever and apparently after 7 years they could have presumed him dead. So she said, it'll take a lot of digging now.

I showed her what little info he had on his Facebook account, including an email address and she said she would try and email him. I told her don't hold your breath as it may just make him go into hiding again.

However, yesterday she rang me at work and said she'd had a reply!!!!!!

He said in the email:

Go ahead and go through with the divorce but I like to support my children and have access with them as long as I have that I have no problem with divorce

To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement!!! How the hell can he say he likes to support his children when there's been no contact at all for the past 10 years and not a penny paid!!!

Anyway, lawyer said to think things over during the weekend and she would do the same and work out how she was going to proceed!

I wish I'd never started this now in all honesty.

Sal
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locutus2003

Oh wow! I've just read through your thread - and now this!

I think your lawyer is right about thinking things over - what a massive shock you've had - I can't believe he's replied! Mind you, perhaps he'd cough up back-pay for the last 10 years? I don't know how the CSA works, but you never know ...?

Good luck.

sunshine_shell

what a cheeky idiot!!!!

misgrace

I cant offer you any advice, but I think you are handling this brilliantly, you come across as a very decent, strong and caring parent, you are a credit to your kids.
I have been reading through the replies, and find them so informative, and supportive,with great advice and support.

We are lucky we have this site to come too, as there is always help and support and the posters on here never fail to give a helping hand.:)

Filey

Hi Sally


He said in the email:

"Go ahead and go through with the divorce but I like to support my children and have access with them as long as I have that I have no problem with divorce"

That's big of him seeing he hasn't had any contact or contributed towards them for the last 7 or 8 years!! It looks as if he is being a bit menacing saying you can go ahead with the divorce as long as he has access.

He obviously is unaware that after being separated for 5 years or more a petitioner can apply for divorce without the consent of the other party. Your solicitor will know all that but she may be thinking if there is a way to get back maintainance for your children from him.

And your children are old enough for their wishes to be taken into account about access and no court would order it if they refused.

Don't worry about it.

Zazen999

I'd be inclined to go along the 'that's fab, once we get the back payment we will arrange access for you'....approach

SallyUK

Hi Everyone

Thank you again for your replies and your helpful advice.

Misgrace, thank you for your kind comments too.

Filey - I think that's exactly what the lawyer is trying to do, she did say let's try sort the divorce side of things first, then we'll hit him for some finances.

I'm not so much in shock today, but yesterday afternoon, I felt really ill after she rang me!

Zazen, that's an excellent reply - I'll see what lawyer says to that, thankyou!

I'll keep you posted!

Sal
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eklynne

kindofagilr wrote: »

I would deffo try and find out his address from this.

He should be paying you CSA.

I am so glad I found this thread. An identical thing happened to us last year and we are now getting maintenance after an absence of 5 years with no trace or contact at all.
My DD got a friend request via Bebo from her estranged father.
Manipulative as it may seem, my dd managed to get his address out of him and I promptly contacted the CSA with the information. Callous and calculated some may say, but anyone who's a single mum struggling with no help from the absent parent will know needs must. And surely leaving with no trace in the first place is more calculated?

SallyUK

Morning Eklynne

That was a good outcome for your family then, wasn't it? Well done!

However, I dont think the CSA would be involved in my case, as he disappeared to the Middle East and as far as everyone is aware, he's still living and working there - although he's paid by an American company.

When this all happened at the start, the CSA wouldn't get involved as it was apparently out of their jurisdiction. Not sure what'll happen now though.

Sal
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